Job Discussion Forums

MBee · Joined: 11 Aug 2011 Posts: 68

Hello,

I'm an American woman and I'm thinking of teaching in Japan. I'm wondering, do you find it easy or difficult to find friends (either Japanese or foreigner) while living and teaching there? Can anyone comment on what one can expect in terms of being able to make friends in rural areas vs. cities?

Thank you! And I wish you all the best, wherever you are in the world this evening. Smile

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

I wouldn't worry about it unless you are terribly shy and desperately need companionship. Japanese are less inclined to make close friends, but they are otherwise pretty nice. Depending on where you teach, you may find that some students want to go out for food, drink, or sports with the teacher. Beware of the English leeches in that situation.

Your foreign friends will initially probably be confined to coworkers and anyone they know who tag along. Beware the chronic complainers, and if you want to learn Japanese, minimize your exposure to foreigners.

Rural vs. urban odds? It all depends on you, your work hours, and the environment.

Rooster_2006 · Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 984

MBee · Joined: 11 Aug 2011 Posts: 68

Thanks, these are both very thoughtful and encouraging replies.

steki47 · Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Posts: 1029 Location: BFE Inaka

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

If you are young and "genki", you'll have no problem meeting new people who are into meeting new people.

For insight into the lives of women living in Japan, see http://www.being-a-broad.com/

Ditto what Steki47 says - join a group that does a sport or activity and you'll be able to meet people with common interests.

Don't worry about hanging with foreigners a lot. Meetup.com is a great way to hang out with international people (Japanese who've lived abroad, non-Japanese, etc.) with whom you share an interest.

steki47 · Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Posts: 1029 Location: BFE Inaka

And don't knock hanging out with your roommates/co-workers. Many of them will have been in Japan for some time and are often willing to show you around.

My roomies at Nova took me out to an izakaya and showed the supermarket, video store, etc.

rxk22 · Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 1629

Oh yeah, I made tons of friends at my gyms. One was a weight gym frequented by Pro wrestlers. The other was BJJ, and I made a lot of friends there as well. You know you are in, when a Japanese person has you watch their 3yo

move · Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 132

It's easy to make foreigner friends. I probably hang out with foreigners here that I wouldn't hang out with at home. For Japanese people, yeah, they are shy at first. Being a friend of one of their friends goes a hell of a long way though. Also, the image of foreigners is that they tend to move a lot or not stay in the country so long, or can't speak Japanese. If you can speak Japanese (or they can speak English) it's easy to move beyond just being acquaintances.

jmatt · Joined: 29 Apr 2012 Posts: 122

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

Whingers are boring. You can meet other teachers and comiserate at events advertised on ELT Calendar. http://www.eltcalendar.com/

rxk22 · Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 1629

Not just the crybabies, stay away from the people who never grow up, Too many gaijin in Japan tend to act like they are in HS or college, and just party all the time.

timothypfox · Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 492

It is easy to fall into the trap of hanging out at bars to make friends. Think about whether this is what you do at home to make friends or not.

This time round in Japan I started taking a yoga class at a community center, and I've made some good friends doing that.

jmatt · Joined: 29 Apr 2012 Posts: 122

OneJoelFifty · Joined: 06 Oct 2009 Posts: 463

I don't think it's easy to make good friends with Japanese people. And by 'good friends' I mean people that will want to go for a drink/shopping/whatever every weekend, rather than every month or two. I suspect the amount of time spent knowing each other, rather than feeling a 'connection' with the person, counts for more in Japan than it does in the west. It seems to me that most friendships are formed at work, and that any significantly older come from club activities while at school. I could be wrong though!

Definitely join a sports team or do a group activity. Japanese like to have what I'd describe as 'organised fun', and if you're a part of a group you should find yourself automatically included in stuff, rather than wondering how you go about getting an invite.

I would strongly recommend you find a couple of foreign friends too. Japan is a weird and wonderful place, and even if it's people you wouldn't hang out with back home (the vast majority for me!), you will probably need to go for a beer or a coffee and just get some things off your chest. Sharing your new experiences with fellow newcomers (or otherwise - do beware the jaded moaners) is a great way to bond too, if you are lucky enough to find some people you click with.