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[Mushkilla]

CNN Reports On White House’s New Grammatical War With ISIS

"WASHINGTON D.C. – Escalating the war on ISIS this week, the White House has announced a new campaign to battle the Islamic terror group – a grammatical war. CNN reported days ago that “ISIS was advancing on two fonts.” Apparently, they find two of our fonts offensive to Islam.

“They have captured more territory recently,” said White House Puppet Master, Valerie Jarrett, “But I’ll be damned if their going to take over our language! That includes all fonts, as well as all ampersands and other symbols we use.” Ms. Jarrett gave us the death stare when we pointed out that she should have used the word ‘they’re’ in her previous comment.

The grammatical war is a strategy in addition to the air campaign as well as the hashtag campaign being waged by the #SororitySisterSpokesgirls from the State Department. Marie Harf, one of the ‘sisters’ commented, “There is nothing in the Quran about printing or type styles and such. We feel this new war will do huge damage to there moral over their. You can’t just assault the English language and expect to get away with it.” When correcting Ms. Harf on the incorrect use of her “there, their, and they’re’s,” Marie politely told us to “Go f*@k ourselves over T-H-E-R-E.”
Reportedly, the new war being waged by the administration plans to beat back ISIS on both fonts and install grammar police at key checkpoints throughout the Middle East. Captured ISIS militants will be subjected to repeated writing on chalkboards to relearn correct uses of contractions and will be beaten until they promise never to attack our fonts again.

We contacted CNN two see weather or not they may have maid a mistake in their transcription of the story butt they did not return our phone calls four comment. One expert we spoke with wondered if CNN might have made a mistake since the story had nothing to do with the missing Malaysian airliner, so it was out of the network’s realm of expertise.
No fonts were hurt or abused in the writing of this story."
http://thebarbedwiresatire.com/2014/10/12/cnn-reports-on-white-houses-new-grammatical-war-with-isis/

ISIS ADVANCING ON TWO FONTS.
http://www.dailyedge.ie/cnn-typo-isis-fonts-1720544-Oct2014/


John, please tell CNN not to use Helvetica!

No fonts were hurt or abused in the writing of this post!

[damn_my_eyes]

There was some 'merican general on the news the other day who kept pronouncing ISIL as izzle, I had to turn it off after hearing izzle, izzle, izzle so many times.

I don't think he was doing it intentionally either, the way you might mispronounce someone's name to annoy them. He was just an idiot.

[Sashadroogie]

How many pronunciations of Iraq did we have to endure during the illegal invasion and occupation?

[johnslat]

Dear Sasha,

"How many pronunciations of Iraq did we have to endure during the illegal invasion and occupation?"

I rack my brain, but I cannot come up with a specific number.

Regards,
John

[grahamb]

John, kindly leave the theater… sorry, theatre.