Job Discussion Forums

[biffinbridge]

I once worked in a dump called Decin located in the'Little Switzerland' of Bohemia...yeah right.Similarly,Bydgoszcz was not the 'Venice' of Wielka Polska,as promised. Can anyone ad to this list of HR chodspeak.

[gerard]

I hear ya. My present gig in China was advertised as a "seaside resort with a magnificent view of..."

View my ass. If there was anything to see you wouldnt see it due to the freakin pollution anyway. And fish could not survive in that water let alone swim.

But I guess it is the same everywhere. Ahhhh....such is life. (Did you notice me waxing philisophical there.)

[Stephen Jones]

My favorite ad was for jobs in "Sunny Dubai". Couldn't fault it for accuracy though.

Actually it's a general rule on Dave's cafe that the quality of the job is in inverse proportion to the length and poetry of the ad. "Come live the real life in idyllic surroundings in the cradle of the Ming dynasty" means come and get ripped off, living in a hovel, eaten by mosquitos, twelve hours from anywhere, in a place where the last thing of note happened two thousand years ago.

[J.D.]

Have you heard about the Aeronautical University in Guilin? No they do not learn how to design, build or fly airplanes.

What about the Shanghai University of International Exchange? They have no foreign exchange students, teachers, programs, or class instruction in foreign trade etc.

And of course there are the TV Universities that have nothing to do with the television industry whatsoever.

What about the Wuhan Railroad University? The closest they come to a train is a picture on the wall.

And the beat goes on and on and on.........

[Stephen]

Then of course you have:

a good salary by local standards

Translated into accurate English this means:

a good opportunity to experience genuine poverty

A timeless classic of EFL job advertisement.

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

You guys are really cracking me up.

I love the 'competitive local salary' ads too. You always know what that means.

Stephen Jones wins the prize with this one, though: "Come live the real life in idyllic surroundings in the cradle of the Ming dynasty" means come and get ripped off, living in a hovel, eaten by mosquitos, twelve hours from anywhere, in a place where the last thing of note happened two thousand years ago."

I'm still laughin ... God, that's funny. I give it

BestWishes,
keNt

[J.D.]

Work in the most beautiful City in China.
There are no beautiful Cities in China.

One of China's best tourist places.
China has no tourist places, except maybe Guilin.

Enjoy the culture and history of China travelling while you work as a teacher.
This implies that your vacation will be intermittently interupted by the necessity of a little work.

[Roger]

Guan Ya regularly advertise:
"...cradle of Manchuria..." whatever that means. (Manchuria is not politically correct in Mao-Deng Chinglish).
Besides if you work in "Manchuria" you got to have pullovers (sweaters to you Usanians) grown on your skin as heating always is insufficent in that Siberian part of CHina.

[David Bowles]

The best one I've seen probably wasn't misleading, unless they had a funny idea about what attracts foreign teachers- a school called 'Shenyang Oilfield No.44 Middle School'. Enticing huh?
All the best seem to be in China though. I saw a lengthy school description that repeatedly emphasised its 'military discipline' standards.

[Stephen Jones]

English First seem to have trademarked the long "descriptive" ad heading, so you'll see it for their Indonesian outfits as well as their China ones.

In the body of the ads there was the school in Mongolia that offered $100 a month but you did have the perks of unlimited internet access and a free overcoat given to you when you got off the plane!

Incidentally we could do another thread of euphemisms found in teachers CV's. It does seem a general rule that the length of the CV is in inverse proportion to the amount of experience it describes.

[Stephen]

Then of course there is:

a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience the real China

Translated into accurate English:

this school is located in an area quarantined because of SARS, and even if you survive your contract [the last teacher didn't], you will never be let out before retirement age, anyway

And:

an excellent opportunity to learn the language

Translated:

the nearest person who can speak two words of English lives 500 miles away, so if you plan on eating, learn fast

[Stephen]

Then we have:

a friendly boss

Translated:

a crook, don't expect to get paid

Then the classic:

a friendly boss with great English

Translated:

a crook who doesn't see why running a business teaching English would necessitate him/her learning any; don't expect to get paid

As well as:

a warm, caring and friendly boss

Translated:

a gangster

And even:

a warm, caring and friendly boss with great English

Translated:

a gangster who doesn't see why running a business teaching English would necessitate him learning any; don't even ask to get paid

[Ben Round de Bloc]

Director says:

Your hourly wage is based on your credentials and experience.

Translation:

With your MA in TESOL and 15 years of EFL teaching experience, you'll earn half as much per hour as my nephew who teaches for us and who almost completed upper-intermediate level at Happy Time English Institute.


Director says:

We're currently paying our teachers 80 pesos per hour.

Translation:

Since you aren't currently working for us yet, we'll pay you 60 pesos per hour. After we withhold taxes and deductions for our tax filing services, you'll end up with about 30 pesos per hour if you're lucky.


Director says:

We don't provide housing, but we'll assist you in finding a nice apartment.

Translation:

My brother-in-law is a landlord. He has some really over-priced, dumpy apartments that he rents to foreigners, because they're new to the city and don't know any better.


Director says:

Our north site location where you'll be teaching is easy to get to using the Circuito bus. The site is only about 10 minutes from downtown.

Translation:

If they're running behind schedule, Circuito bus drivers don't stop to pick up passengers. During rush hour, when you most likely need to catch a bus, Circuito buses with capacity for 40 passengers usually have about 80 people on them. By the way, Circuito buses don't go downtown. You have to catch another bus from downtown, which goes nowhere near our north site, and then transfer to a Circuito bus. It's 10 minutes from downtown in your own car.


Best wishes!

[biffinbridge]

A bonus will be paid on completion of contract...really?

[Wolf]

Okay, not strictly on topic, but here's a general rule:

The degree of professionalism you will experience at the job is inversely proportional to the strictness of the dress code.

Oh, and this is on topic:

We here at Euphorically Happy Engish have no dress code. (In the contract.)

Instead read:

You must wear the monkey suit in 40 degree heat even though the air conditioner is broken. We will of course fine you for all violatins of our unwritten dress code.


Another one:

Seeking a cheerful instructor who is a team player.

Read:

Looking for a fresh - off - the boat sucker who will take all of our abuse in the name of "cultural expereince."

And finally, my all time favorite:

Competative salry.

Which means I'm sure many amoung us know:

You'll be hard pressed fo find a company who will demand more and offer less.