Job Discussion Forums

[writpetition]

Sir,

Sub: Application for an English-teaching position

I am given to understand that your esteemed institution has a vacancy for an English Teacher and that you are offering a good remuneration package. In fact, I think, I will be happy to work for a little less than you'd like to offer if you will agree to turn a blind eye to my passport.

See, the problem is that I am really an American and a little British, too....but unfortunately, my mother neglected to go to America when they were issuing passports there. Some other people were faster and got there before my Mom could and then they almost stopped giving out those beautiful passports. Later, she could have tried for a Canadian or an Australian/New Zealand one but I was growing up and she thought traversing such a distance would be a very difficult task with a heavy baby in her arms. Moreover, she had another baby inside, so she thought instead, of spending all that time and effort on providing me with an education that she believed would be more useful than just the pages of a passport and she stayed on.

I do have a bachelor's dregree and some teaching experience in China, too. Unfortunately, most universities/schools have turned down my application on another plea viz. the colour of my skin.

I took up the matter with my Mom and asked her why she did not make me white and she said that people around her were not so white so she thought it wouldn't matter that my colour was tan and not white. I pleaded with her to put me back inside her and tinker with my skin and then turn me out all shining and white. She looked up toward the skies, a tired, exasperated _expression clouding her face.. �No, I can�t�you�re too big,� she said, �you�re past 46 now and you should know better��

Yes, I admit I am 46 but what can I do if the colour of my skin is not white? I would love to bleach it like Mr. Jackson but I lack the resources he commands. I can dance a little, but my sons turn away when they see me dancing (please don�t ask me if they�re white and what passports they have) and when I sing, a chorus of asses joins in and people say we make a wonderful choir but my teenage sons look disgustedly at me and that, I think, means something! I even invested in a CD and when I went to a recording company they were kind and said if I continued trying hard, very hard, over a few generations I might be able to sell a few hundred copies. But, Sir, that will take a long time and I cannot change the colour of my skin until then. So, please, will you consider me for a position despite these obvious �lackings�?

Yours, in truth,
I remain,

An Eager Applicant

PS: I am consulting with my lawyers to haul my Mom before the courts to sue her and claim damages for giving me a dirty tan colour when she could easily have made me white (I have a sworn and notarized affidavit from my father, saying the colour of the sperm he impregnated her with was white).
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A short explanatory note on what inspired this application 'template':

I have tried finding a teaching position in Asian schools for many months but my application is turned down everywhere on account of the reasons stated above viz. colour of my skin and the passport I hold. This is true despite my degree in English Literature from a top Indian College, nearly three-years' English-teaching experience in China and years of writing (with some publishing credits, including a book of short-stories).

[Glenski]

You have completely confused me on what your nationality is, or how you can't seem to get a passport.

What countries have you tried, and what kind of institutions have you applied to? You may not be qualified, even with the experience you have.

[writpetition]

Hehehe...satire, Sir, it's satire...a satire born of deep injury!

It's not nationailty that's important in the OP but reaction of some to one's nationality and race that is.

If a BA in English Literature and three years' teaching experience, along with two decades' business experience and publishing credits is not enough qualification, I'm not qualified.

I've tried in almost all countries in Asia that need foreign teachers with no sucsess in the past year or so.

I'm trying to sandpaper the tan outta my skin..but boy, does it hurt!

[Glenski]

I recognize the satirical style.

My questions still hold, which means that your satire wasn't clear enough. What does that say about the real life experience?

[Travel Zen]

I get it.

You know, its not the colour of your skin (or you Mom) that's the problem....its Asia. It's a backward part of the world.

The people want to get out, the government wants to keep them in, and all the while they have one eye on the west. But they don't know the West and its history. No idea. They just want its wealth.

They see Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and the like, and think...'Oh, that's the West'

They don't know about the civil war or the civil rights struggle, nothing about how New York (and America) became what it is because of refugees form all parts of the world, or how many non-whites are in positions of power now in the West. They are living about 60 years in the past....and wont wake up. They don't know how the west was made.

So don't feel bad,my friend. Go to the greener parts of the world and do your thing. Or stick it out in Asia and try to teach them how to catch up.

TZ

[Meleefracas]

Recently I attended an interview (in my own country) for an EFL teaching position in Thailand, and was told that there are many Indians teaching English over there. I can't quite tell from your post if you've tried Thailand or not; but it might be worth a look.