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Capergirl
Joined: 02 Feb 2003 Posts: 1232 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2003 10:42 am Post subject: Hallowe'en safety tips for North Americans |
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Stay safe this Hallowe'en!
- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
- Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
- If your children speak to you in Latin, Sanskrit, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. Although this seems harsh, it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note that it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
- This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
- If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
- Always believe the kid. Even if the kid has lied before, even if you think that the kid has been watching too much TV -- believe the kid.
- If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief � GET OUT!
- If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!
- The weirdo is always the one who saw this coming.
- Do not take anything from the dead.
- Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you're doing.
- If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.
- Never, ever, make fun of the "odd" kid.
- Don't go camping.
- If at any time the house or place you're staying in asks you to get out DON'T argue.
- If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice; more if you are of the female persuasion and/or wearing high heels. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/ creature is now in front of you.
- Listen to the dying person. They have the best ideas.
- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., kill them immediately.
- If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, and you think it strange because you were sure you had � of a tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
- Never speak to clowns in sewers.
- Castles are not normally found in the American Midwest. Be wary.
- Beware of strangers bearing strange tools; for example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, laser pistols, Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators, or any devices made from deceased companions.
- Also, be wary of anyone driving a combine. |
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Shonai Ben
Joined: 15 Feb 2003 Posts: 617
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2003 10:47 am Post subject: |
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Never say" I'll be right back" because you won't be. |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2003 12:05 pm Post subject: Trick or treat |
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And, for God's sake
DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!!! Great list, Capergirl.
Regards,
John - AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH |
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denise
Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2003 9:22 pm Post subject: Re: Hallowe'en safety tips for North Americans |
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Capergirl wrote: |
Stay safe this Hallowe'en!
- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
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Have... you... checked... the children???
Hoo boy, that one still creeps me out! (I guess that's what happens if you see it when you're 8 years old!)
d |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan
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Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 4:30 am Post subject: |
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After seeing your post, just remembered Halloween was yesterday. Didn`t even think about it yesterday. No mention of it here at all. |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 2:30 pm Post subject: A Masked Ball |
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Dear Capergirl,
Hey, I had a great Halloween ( I didn't open THAT door, you see ), my first back here in quite a while. But I did open my front door to dozens of trick 'r treaters. Good thing I bought what I'd thought was too much candy; turned out to be just about the right amount. Funniest thing was - I had on a monster mask when I was handing out the treats. This startled a few of the kiddos. But one, a little girl about 4 years old, began to cry only when I took the mask OFF. Hmm - wonder what that means.
Regards,
John |
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Capergirl
Joined: 02 Feb 2003 Posts: 1232 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 5:33 pm Post subject: |
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Perhaps you should wear the mask more often, Johnslat.
I took my daughter trick-or-treating last night for the first time in her little life. She had a ball. We only went to nine houses, but she's got enough junk to last her until Christmas.
A friend of mine just sent me an email today and was saying that she felt sorry for her niece and nephew who live in Germany (I'm friends with both sisters). She said that in Germany they don't go trick-or-treating ...poor kiddos don't know the fun they are missing. |
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foster
Joined: 07 Feb 2003 Posts: 485 Location: Honkers, SARS
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Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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Just had my first Halloween in Hong Kong...what a BLAST! I miss trick or drinking that we did at home in Saskatchewan, but the HKers really know how to do a do up right. Did Halloween for my kids at the high school and they love me now...The NET teacher knows what she is doing. Though, I miss seeing ALL my kids in costume, rather than a cape thrown over a school uniform.
Capergirl...great list! So true... |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 10:48 pm Post subject: The Lone Stranger |
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Dear Capergirl,
" Perhaps you should wear the mask more often, Johnslat."
Well, yeah - I could give it a try. Might improve my love life ( which wouldn't be difficult ). But perhaps I'd better stay out of banks and airports while I've got it on.
" Who WAS that masked man?"
Regards,
John |
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