Job Discussion Forums

[Mrs McClusky]

I would like to put together a list of the special codes used by employers to make jobs sound more interesting and appealing.

Salary to be discussed at interview = non-negotiable salary.

Competitive local salary = The same as the local bin man with zero change of an increase.

Partly furnished accommodation = includes a curtain.

Shared Accommodation = 18 Bangladeshi man-maids per room. I hope you don't mind sharing a small bedroom.

Creative teaching = absolutely no curriculum or books and don't bother asking, write the course yourself.

Must be enthusiastic = This job will crush your brain piece by piece, blind enthusiasm is the only way to make it.

Must enjoy working with young learners = Baby sitting position available.

Short walk to public transport. = miles and miles to the nearest rik-shaw then a 300 km uphill mountainous trek to the open air office.

Well ventilated accommodation = no windows due to local vandalism.

No experience required = We don't give a s**t who we employ.

Traditional village = backwater hick-ville.

Short term contract may be available = we will be amazed if you can last a week.

Due to visa regulations your passport will be required to be kept at a local secure location and a local id card issued = YOU AINT GOING NOWHERE MATE.



Over to you guys..................

[TwinCentre]

Thanks for doing this! Maybe it should be in the newbie section..

The ones regarding enthusiasm, salary and creative teaching really are seriously worth watching out for....they ring true I think!

[microbabe]

Excellent.!!!

Made me chuckle. Some of it , too close to home.

[scooby doo]

here's one;
http://www.eslcafe.com/joblist/index.cgi?read=21563

[denise]

One of my favorites goes something like this: "Come live in _________! It is a beautiful country with... (night life, diving, good food, whatever...)"

Translation: "The job sucks, so rather than telling you about it, we will distract you and tempt you with other things that we have no control over..."

d

[Sashadroogie]

From the other side:

I'm an awesome teacher = my vocabulary is much more limited than my ego

My lessons rock = the students shuddered

My students love me! = I'm very insecure

The course book sucks = I didn't know half the words in it myself and had no idea how exploit the material

Observations are a waste of time = I have no real confidence in my abilities

CELTA is just a brand name = I got a cheap online cert that was a pile of pants

I have lots of life experience = I don't even have a duff cert

Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it

I don't use IPA transcriptions because they don't reflect the way I pronounce words = I don't understand phonemic script

I never had any complaints in my last school = I had dozens and that is why I am here

My DOS is an ar*e = I'm probably about to be fired and I need to blame someone else

Cambridge has a very specific way of writing which I couldn't conform with = I failed the CELTA/DELTA

I'm a published author - I KNOW English! = I have literary pretensions (and a vanity publication) which I think compensate for my lack of teaching knowledge

I'm a cultural ambassador = I'm not really interested in teaching English so need to puff up my own self-importance

I help the benighted locals how to think = My own cultural awareness is exceedingly limited

'Back in America/UK/Aus we do blah blah' = I arrogantly assume students care

Learning is an organic process = I never plan lessons

[Smokey Dando]

OP has pretty much nailed it.

[johnslat]

Dear Sasha,

Oh my - am I ever familiar with THIS one:

"Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it."

I have a colleague now who says "grammar" like it's a four-letter word. This is the same colleague who once proudly announced that she had no idea whatsoever about when the Present Perfect tense should be used.

"Students don't need that; they can just use the past."

Worse than ignorance is being proud of it.

Regards,
John

[boundforsaudi]

It doesn't help when the textbook (e.g. Cutting Edge) calls "have got" the simple present.

[johnslat]

Dear boundforsaudi,

Umm, what would YOU call it?

Regards,
John

[boundforsaudi]

Hahahaha! They've got you believing it, too? After your defense of grammar? I was astonished that my office mate with an MA bought it. Sheesh.

[kaw]

Js - I was wondering about that as well..........have I missed out on something????

[johnslat]

Dear kaw,

I haven't got (i.e. don't have) a clue.

Regards,
John

[johnslat]

Dear boundforsaudi,

Umm, I repeat - what would YOU call it?

Regards,
John

[boundforsaudi]

If you have to ask....