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Mrs McClusky
Joined: 09 Jun 2010 Posts: 133
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:51 am Post subject: The Secret Code of TEFL |
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I would like to put together a list of the special codes used by employers to make jobs sound more interesting and appealing.
Salary to be discussed at interview = non-negotiable salary.
Competitive local salary = The same as the local bin man with zero change of an increase.
Partly furnished accommodation = includes a curtain.
Shared Accommodation = 18 Bangladeshi man-maids per room. I hope you don't mind sharing a small bedroom.
Creative teaching = absolutely no curriculum or books and don't bother asking, write the course yourself.
Must be enthusiastic = This job will crush your brain piece by piece, blind enthusiasm is the only way to make it.
Must enjoy working with young learners = Baby sitting position available.
Short walk to public transport. = miles and miles to the nearest rik-shaw then a 300 km uphill mountainous trek to the open air office.
Well ventilated accommodation = no windows due to local vandalism.
No experience required = We don't give a s**t who we employ.
Traditional village = backwater hick-ville.
Short term contract may be available = we will be amazed if you can last a week.
Due to visa regulations your passport will be required to be kept at a local secure location and a local id card issued = YOU AINT GOING NOWHERE MATE.
Over to you guys.................. |
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TwinCentre
Joined: 22 Mar 2007 Posts: 273 Location: Mokotow
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:53 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for doing this! Maybe it should be in the newbie section..
The ones regarding enthusiasm, salary and creative teaching really are seriously worth watching out for....they ring true I think!
Last edited by TwinCentre on Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total |
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microbabe
Joined: 03 Feb 2010 Posts: 115
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:55 am Post subject: |
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Excellent.!!!
Made me chuckle. Some of it , too close to home. |
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scooby doo
Joined: 30 Oct 2009 Posts: 48
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denise
Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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One of my favorites goes something like this: "Come live in _________! It is a beautiful country with... (night life, diving, good food, whatever...)"
Translation: "The job sucks, so rather than telling you about it, we will distract you and tempt you with other things that we have no control over..."
d |
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Sashadroogie
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 11061 Location: Moskva, The Workers' Paradise
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:12 pm Post subject: |
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From the other side:
I'm an awesome teacher = my vocabulary is much more limited than my ego
My lessons rock = the students shuddered
My students love me! = I'm very insecure
The course book sucks = I didn't know half the words in it myself and had no idea how exploit the material
Observations are a waste of time = I have no real confidence in my abilities
CELTA is just a brand name = I got a cheap online cert that was a pile of pants
I have lots of life experience = I don't even have a duff cert
Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it
I don't use IPA transcriptions because they don't reflect the way I pronounce words = I don't understand phonemic script
I never had any complaints in my last school = I had dozens and that is why I am here
My DOS is an ar*e = I'm probably about to be fired and I need to blame someone else
Cambridge has a very specific way of writing which I couldn't conform with = I failed the CELTA/DELTA
I'm a published author - I KNOW English! = I have literary pretensions (and a vanity publication) which I think compensate for my lack of teaching knowledge
I'm a cultural ambassador = I'm not really interested in teaching English so need to puff up my own self-importance
I help the benighted locals how to think = My own cultural awareness is exceedingly limited
'Back in America/UK/Aus we do blah blah' = I arrogantly assume students care
Learning is an organic process = I never plan lessons |
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Smokey Dando
Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 19 Location: HONG KONG
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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OP has pretty much nailed it. |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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Dear Sasha,
Oh my - am I ever familiar with THIS one:
"Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it."
I have a colleague now who says "grammar" like it's a four-letter word. This is the same colleague who once proudly announced that she had no idea whatsoever about when the Present Perfect tense should be used.
"Students don't need that; they can just use the past."
Worse than ignorance is being proud of it.
Regards,
John |
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boundforsaudi
Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Posts: 243
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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It doesn't help when the textbook (e.g. Cutting Edge) calls "have got" the simple present. |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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Dear boundforsaudi,
Umm, what would YOU call it?
Regards,
John |
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boundforsaudi
Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Posts: 243
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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Hahahaha! They've got you believing it, too? After your defense of grammar? I was astonished that my office mate with an MA bought it. Sheesh.
Last edited by boundforsaudi on Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:07 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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kaw
Joined: 31 Mar 2003 Posts: 302 Location: somewhere hot and sunny
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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Js - I was wondering about that as well..........have I missed out on something???? |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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Dear kaw,
I haven't got (i.e. don't have) a clue.
Regards,
John |
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johnslat
Joined: 21 Jan 2003 Posts: 13859 Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Dear boundforsaudi,
Umm, I repeat - what would YOU call it?
Regards,
John |
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boundforsaudi
Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Posts: 243
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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If you have to ask.... |
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