Job Discussion Forums

[geekpie]

Are there many of you on here who had to leave a relationship (or are planning to) to teach English abroad? This is part of the dilemma that I'm sure a lot of people face.

In my case, I've been working towards my dream of teaching abroad for six years now, and will finally have my degree next year. I met my current partner two years ago, and whilst I made it clear to her I wanted to leave the country at the end of my uni course, things weren't serious then. Now we have a place together, and although we've discussed moving to Australia long term as a compromise solution I'm not sure if truthfully if either of us really take that seriously. I've been slogging on minimum wage for a while and the hope of getting out of here (UK) has kept me sane. I love my partner, so whichever decision I take there will be regrets, although I'm not so short sighted as to believe I won't ever meet anybody again. As I said before, it's a dilemma, and I'm just wondering what others' experiences are.

[Sashadroogie]

Can't she come with you?

[naturegirl321]

I left my husband twice to teach and he left me twice. It dependson the relationship. We usually spent about 5 months apart. Due to his new job, he'll probably be leaving once a year for 4 to 6 months as well.

Some jobs afford you the luxury of taking your partner with and them not having to work. More and more jobs can be done online, so that's also possible too. Make sure you both agree though.

[geekpie]

[naturegirl321]

[spiral78]

I left a long-term partner without a second thought way back when and have never thought twice about it since, so I'm perhaps not the best person to give advice on such a topic.

But one thought occurred to me:

You know the partner works for you but
you don't yet (really) know if teaching abroad is your cup of tea.

Perhaps try it for a year, arranging for visits home and visits to your location for her as often as possible, and then decide at the end of the first year if you're really definitely into teaching abroad long-term??

[Zero]

Here's the thing. The relationship is already gone. Kaput. You've emotionally bailed. Or perhaps you weren't ever fully in it in the first place. (This is what I suspect.) I can tell that by the fact that you're posting the message that you are, in the place that you are. It happens.

When you've been married for a while, sometimes there's a security in knowing that you can leave for a few months, work, come back, and everything's OK. This isn't that. When you've got a girlfriend and you consider her to be a foxy broad and you can't get enough of her, you don't up and f*&# off to teach ESL.

You didn't present maintaining a long-distance relationship as an option. So the only pieces of advice we could give you would be to stay home, or to go. And you're posting the question in an ESL forum

Leave her, and no regrets!

[Glenski]

Other people have occasionally posted when they have serious doubts about leaving a partner behind. In most/all of those cases, they are pleading with the Cafe crowd for advice because they admit they just cannot bear to be separated. I don't get that exact feeling from you. Yes, you have a place together, and you admit feelings of love, but there is a bit of wanderlust in your writing, too.

Your 6-year-old dream seems stronger than a relationship. Just my impression. While I didn't leave anyone behind, I would suggest that since you have already talked about your dream for 2 years with your partner, you have to decide whether you want to even stay in touch. By all means go, but there are cheap ways to remain in touch (email, Skype). You could agree to exchange such communications on a regular basis, and if either of you has an opportunity to visit the other in person, do that, but I suspect those visits would only amount to once in a year max. Best would be if she could visit you, not vice versa, IMO.

Reevaluate during the time you are abroad, but both of you must be aware that your feelings about the new country will be very strong early on.

[MarkM]

[Guy Courchesne]

This is a relationship ender, without doubt. You won't be the same people when you meet again. That you bring it up as a topic should be the biggest indicator.

[naturegirl321]

You should be prepared for the worst as people said. For us, it was give and take. I spent 6 years with him, hating my job, and living where he wanted. NOw the shoe's on the other foot and he's following me. It CAN work, but you need to talk first.

[Zero]

There are several ways to go about this, by the way.

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

[MotherF]

I think relationships made in TEFL work better than relationship that were pre-TEFL.

I started out in TEFL with a boyfriend in tow. We made it through the first country, but fell apart in the second.
With hindsight, I think being abroad masked problems that were there and the relationship actually lasted longer than it would have if we'd stayed home.

If you are both the same nationality, you have to both want to do this. Don't compare such relationship to the multinational relationship that are very common in this field.

[mudl]

[Zero]