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Your Advice - jobs for qualified but mujer viejo y gordo?
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jimeny



Joined: 11 Dec 2011
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:42 am    Post subject: Re:Your Advice - jobs for qualified but mujer viejo y gordo? Reply with quote

Ah Well, unless someone else with knowledge of Peru is going to advise me, I expect this thread will fade away. Perhaps I'll get more responses when folks return from their Christmas holidays

Found the hijacked discussion rather interesting and entertaining as well so thanks everyone for your comments on that.

And thanks Naturegirl - always appreciate your input.
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littlelauren86



Joined: 20 Sep 2011
Posts: 84
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read this thread and just had to chime in on the subject of first-world + third-world marriages. This is long and I apologize.

To provide some background on myself: My own father married a mail-order type bride from the Philippines a few years ago and brought her to the US. The marriage is still going strong and the woman is the same age as me (mid-twenties).

How did the lovebirds meet? My dad looked at women on a website and corresponded by e-mail. With his wife, they exchanged e-mails for a few months, and then he flew to the Philippines to meet her. When he met her, he found her to be "suitable", proposed to her the next day and started up the paperwork to bring her to the US for marriage. If you were to ask the girl, she would call this "love at first sight."

Anyway, he gets her over and they get married. They're still married; there are no plans for divorce. That's great right?

naturegirl321 wrote:
See, here's the thing about the whole first-third world marriages. First, the girls are accustomed to that lifestyle. They know how to live on a lower salary. Second, i've seen it happen way too many times that the girl gets the visa, citizenship, then gets divorced.


The girls files for divorce? That won't happen in *this* marriage! I'll tell you why:

My dad keeps her on a tight leash. She stays locked in the house and is not allowed go anywhere without him. Once she told me she was bored and wanted me to teach her how to navigate the public transportation system. When she asked my dad for permission, he became angry and demanded that she stay put. See, he doesn't want her to be mobile in any sort of way.

So, my dad scares her by describing largely non-existent horrors. The outside world is a scary, dangerous place where the animalistic people are waiting behind dark shadowy corners ready to rob, rape and even kill her! (Of course, I had been using it since I was 10 years-old with his permission and it's quite safe... it's not even open late.)

Second, my dad does not allow her to meet people on her own. She is only allowed to talk to family members. All friends must be approved by him. As a result, her friends are all other Philippinas married to much older men and living in the USA. She has some other online buddies, but that's it.

I'm not exaggerating. A couple of years ago, I needed to head to NYC for a couple of days. Having never been to New York, the wife wanted to come. My father said it was okay, and booked a motel room for us. Sounded great, but when I called to confirm the booking, that motel lost it. For some reason they couldn't fix the problem, so I cancelled the booking and made a booking at a women-only hostel. When I told my dad this, he flipped out. And I mean, he really flipped out. He started screaming, kept cursing at me and calling me all sorts of demeaning names. He *did not* want her meeting anyone else under any circumstances.

That's really all it takes. If you want to marry someone from a poor country and you don't want them to leave you, you have to keep them on lockdown. Prevent them from communicating with other people or from leaving the house at will. It's also best to ensure that they aren't well educated or have many job skills so that they are always dependent on you.

Prof.Gringo wrote:
These women are not being forced into marriage, no human trafficking is taking place. They make a choice, based on whatever motives they have, be they the desire for a better life and to escape crushing poverty, to find a faithful husband or cause they simply want to.


You're right, no one is forcing them into these marriages. No one is holding a gun to anyone's head.

The women usually want to escape poverty and live a better life under another passport. The men want steady access to sex with a hot young girl. <--- You may not see anything wrong with this formula, but I do. I'll show you why.

In the case of my father and in other similar cases that I have seen both in the US and abroad, there seems to be common themes.

The men have serious flaws. Typically, they don't see women as being equal to themselves. They see women as being below them. They usually disguise these feelings by saying things like, "Well, the women from [insert x country here] are more feminine." Or, "They treat their husbands better"; "The women here look better." Really, they are simply attached to the inequality that exists in between them. They love the idea of a woman being dependent on them for all needs. The really love the idea of a wife simply nodding her head and scurrying away to do whatever it was he told her to do. "It was better in the old days when women knew their place."

Everything falls back on this inequality. People can often see that the men are lacking in the looks department. That too falls back on a personality flaw. Even though he is old, fat or ugly, his wife should be skinny and hot at all times. These are the men you see around these parts complaining about American women being "too fat." Or they "let themselves go."

He has to go to a poor country to find a suitable mate willing to put up with him.

The women want to escape poverty and find better opportunities either for themselves or for their children. There's nothing wrong with that and it's very natural! However, it's very disappointing if opportunity is so limited that their only real alternative is to subject themselves to a much older man from a rich country.

The men see themselves as the great saviors rescuing the poor woman from the perils of her own country. I see them as people taking advantage of an unfortunate situation that the women have to go through. If they really wanted to help these women, they would consider donating their time or money to help causes that promote sustainable development in the target country. If they really wanted to help, they could invest in businesses in the target countries to create jobs for the target population. They may donate food, clothing, etc. You know where I'm getting at.

My point is-- if they really wanted to help, they wouldn't exploit a bad situation simply to get sex and "love" from a woman who would otherwise not be interested if she were under more favorable circumstances.
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littlelauren86



Joined: 20 Sep 2011
Posts: 84
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:20 am    Post subject: Re:Your Advice - jobs for qualified but mujer viejo y gordo? Reply with quote

jimeny wrote:
Ah Well, unless someone else with knowledge of Peru is going to advise me, I expect this thread will fade away. Perhaps I'll get more responses when folks return from their Christmas holidays

Found the hijacked discussion rather interesting and entertaining as well so thanks everyone for your comments on that.

And thanks Naturegirl - always appreciate your input.


And to the OP -- I've never even been to Peru and I know you're worrying about nothing. "Old" and "Fat" is something that is a big issue in Asia (very looks-based societies). In Peru, they would be more interested in your qualifications. There's really nothing to worry about in that department. So, ask yourself, can you do the job? Are you qualified for it? If the answer is yes, then head to Peru! I wish you luck.
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Isla Guapa



Joined: 19 Apr 2010
Posts: 1520
Location: Mexico City o sea La Gran Manzana Mexicana

PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Egads, littlelauren, the situation you describe with your father and his new wife is even worse than I had imagined. Thanks for taking the time to explain how things often really are in these types of marriages.
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jimeny



Joined: 11 Dec 2011
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 3:38 am    Post subject: Peru - old fat or old rich Reply with quote

Well done Littlelauren - Your chime in was well put

And I too have meet many an old man who does exactly what littlelauren described - keep his young new spouse or girlfriend isolated from others and totally dependent on him for everything. Getting the girl out of their country and away from their family is usually the first step. Keeping them locked in the house and describing the outside as dangerous and hostile is quite a common theme. Another favorite tactic in certain circles is to simply make sure that the little thing doesn't learn English - that way she can talk with her man who has learned just enough of the local lingo to get by and she can still go shopping for food if need be (she just needs to know her numbers and perhaps the names of some food) but she'll never be able to discuss much of anything with anyone.

It is about power and control and exploitation. And most of these foolish old men are outstandingly flawed. And it is creepy. And unfortunately they're everywhere.
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naturegirl321



Joined: 04 May 2003
Posts: 9005
Location: home sweet home

PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, littlelauren86, holy cow!

How long have they been married?
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littlelauren86



Joined: 20 Sep 2011
Posts: 84
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
It is about power and control and exploitation. And most of these foolish old men are outstandingly flawed. And it is creepy. And unfortunately they're everywhere.


Yes, it's really, really unfortunate. The major creepers hang out in Asia in large numbers Confused

The wife's a sweet girl too. She would never hurt anyone. It's a shame that she can't do much, and certainly doesn't have the freedom to exit if ever wanted to. It feels so wrong.

As for my father, well I love him and all, but even I know he's pretty impossible to live with. So it only follows that the women weren't exactly flocking to him before.

Quote:
Wow, littlelauren86, holy cow!

How long have they been married?


They've been married since 2007. She has a little baby to keep her busy nowadays.
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naturegirl321



Joined: 04 May 2003
Posts: 9005
Location: home sweet home

PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 1:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

littlelauren86 wrote:
They've been married since 2007. She has a little baby to keep her busy nowadays.

well, that's nice
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Prof.Gringo



Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Posts: 2031
Location: Dang Cong San Viet Nam Quang Vinh Muon Nam!

PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

littlelauren86 wrote:
Quote:
It is about power and control and exploitation. And most of these foolish old men are outstandingly flawed. And it is creepy. And unfortunately they're everywhere.


Yes, it's really, really unfortunate. The major creepers hang out in Asia in large numbers Confused

The wife's a sweet girl too. She would never hurt anyone. It's a shame that she can't do much, and certainly doesn't have the freedom to exit if ever wanted to. It feels so wrong.

As for my father, well I love him and all, but even I know he's pretty impossible to live with. So it only follows that the women weren't exactly flocking to him before.

Quote:
Wow, littlelauren86, holy cow!

How long have they been married?


They've been married since 2007. She has a little baby to keep her busy nowadays.


I have known many American guys who are the complete opposite of this and married to foreign women. One guy I worked with married a Filipina and he leaves for a month at a time for work, pretty sure his wife is independent without him.
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Prof.Gringo



Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Posts: 2031
Location: Dang Cong San Viet Nam Quang Vinh Muon Nam!

PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jimeny wrote:
Well this thread managed to get hijacked Rolling Eyes And while we're on the subject ...the local young boy toys in Egypt, Bali, Columbia, Costa Rica, Kenya, India and other places fawn over old white gals exactly for the money and the passport to be had. Blonde hair is irrelevant. It's the exact same reason local young gals fawn over old white guys. Plain Jane or Plain John it's the same twisted story. Old folks are easy pickins and easy to fool into believing the relationship is based on love, not money. But you've missed the point entirely Mr Prof - the comments were focused on the foolish old men, not the young girls.

And what about me me me in all this?? Will I find a job? Or maybe some young hot Peruvian lad to look after me? Hmmm ...Most likely I'll have to look after him although this presupposes that I arrive with loads of money. Maybe I'll make buckets of money once I'm there and.... oh, but I digress...

Any possibility we could get back on track with the job prospect situation. Very Happy Comments along those lines would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


Discrimination is alive and well in Mexico, as it is in all of Latin America. Age discrimination in Mexico is esp. bad for those over 40-45 years of age. Many language schools will refuse to hire anybody past that range.

As for your weight, it depends. Are you extemly overweight? If so, then it will be more difficult for you without a doubt. Many (if not most) people in Latin America are overweight by the stick figure ideals of the USA & Canada. But people that are very overweight are not very common and they stand out a lot.

As NG said, you will find a job. Sure. But it might not at all be what you hoped for. You might have to work illegally without a visa.
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