Job Discussion Forums

[Sashadroogie]

"I've failed my Delta. But that doesn't matter coz I'm gonna do a masters instead."

[Stirlitz17]

[Gamajorba]

[Phillip Schofield]

Regarding teachers;
A colleague of mine told me about a guy he worked with in China.
The guy was a fitness fanatic and was very much into all things military. He may have been in the army at some point, but I can't quite remember.

When my colleague asked him why he decided to go to China, the guy replied with, "Because I am studying them. I want to know how to kill them better."

He was adamant that war between the UK and China was coming and he wanted to have an advantage.


When in China we had a new girl start. I struck up the general 'get to know you' conversation, through which I discovered that she had no real desire to teach, didn't like foreign food, had no interest in China or travelling and had never been abroad before. Her sole reason for moving there was that she found it hard to get a good job in the UK with her degree in Drama.
She lasted 6 weeks; 3 of which, she was absent due to 'sickness'.

ESL is a funny world. You can meet some of the most interesting and intelligent people, mixed with some of the most cretinous and degenerate scumbags.

[spiral78]

[Phillip Schofield]

[Sashadroogie]

Sounds perfect for a baby-sitter job...

[Sashadroogie]

"Sorry teacher, I can't speak today. Throat infection. From drinking cold liquids last night."

I used to think this was a euphemism for boozing, rather like my granny's "drinking from damp beer glasses". But, no. They really mean drinking any cold liquid, even water, will cause a throat infection.

Yet eating ice-cream in the street in the depths of winter is just fine : )

[Gamajorba]

So I was teaching at a distance learning university, guess it's kind of like Open University in a way. It was 3 weeks towards the end of the second semester, and a student asks me (via another student translating on his behalf):

"He said he doesn't know how to send an email"

I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or shout at him.

[Gamajorba]

A student asking me about results, 2 weeks after university finished:

"Teacher, I got NF, what does it mean?"
"No idea, there must be something that tells you what it means?
*student shows table of codes*
"So you failed"
"Really?!"
"Yes, you should have done more of your online work! I warned you all year"
"Can I make it now?" *cue hysterics from me*
"The academic year is over, of course you can't"
"What can I do?" *continued hysterics from me*
"STUDY AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES"

[Phillip Schofield]

That reminds me of numerous Russian students.

Student: "I want pass IELTS exam. I need lesson. Two lesson every week"
Me: "OK, when is your exam?"
Student: "Next week."

Now I understand that time is an abstract concept and it exists only in the sense that we have given it form, but Russians really take this too seriously.
I don't want to generalize...but I will. Russians have horrendous time management skills.

I have learnt that all times need to be multiplied by 3. If your are meeting a Russian and they say that they will be 5 minutes late (because what self respecting Russian would ever be on time?) they will be 15 minutes late. If they say they'll be 10 minutes late, it'll actually be 30 minutes.

I tested this theory extensively with an ex-girlfriend and it's fairly accurate.

[spiral78]

Received an impressive email recently from a (massively failing) MA student trying to do a retake:

thank you for your help i have started doing the course but can i bother you more for some point of view before submitting it to teacher eventhough i will have consulatation with him you know i need to write and pass everything very well and i got confused last semester about my way of writting... i think i will need more consultation from you too i will also go to professor and approach everybody i can to make it clear that i can be at the [institution] academic standar of writting...

Not Russian, btw.

[Deats]

Yeah, most Russians SUCK at time keeping - especially the fairer sex.

My wife's friend always tells us she is one metro stop away = hasn't left home yet.

He sister has NEVER been less than 30 minutes late for ANYTHING. If we want to meet her at 8pm, we tell her we will meet her at 7pm. Usually she'll roll up by 8.15

Thankfully my wife is able to be on time, otherwise I'd have left her by now.

[nemnoga]

"It's a myth that bears are roaming the streets in Russia. The truth is, Russia is so polluted, they all have died" - they said it so seriously, I nearly believed them

[Phillip Schofield]

This is one from the parents. It doesn't make me laugh anymore; only despair. I have been through this so often that I now hate talking to parents.

*I had just finished checking little Vlad's spoken ability and had decided that he should go into Generic Kids Class 2.*

Me: So he's fine, but has a poor grasp of past simple. I would suggest doing Generic Kids Class 2.

Father: (via admin translation) No. He is very good at English. He will go into Generic Kids Class 4.

Me: He really shouldn't. He barely knows any verbs in the past simple tense. Even putting him in Generic Kids Class 3 would be too much since he would really struggle with present perfect. He simply wont understand enough to keep up with the other students.

(In my head I was actually thinking, "This kid wont keep up and, due to boredom, will become a disruptive little **** and I don't want such a kid in my class.")

Father: No. If he is in a higher class he will learn faster. He will go into Generic Kids Class 4.

Me: I've been teaching for a while now and in my experience this never works. The child will find it very hard to progress because he doesn't know the basics.

*The father took this as a personal insult, as though I was either calling his son an idiot or somehow insinuating that he was a bad parent because his child couldn't go from beginner to native level in 6 months*

The father ignored me (because what do I know about teaching?) and demanded that the child be put into a class 2 levels above their ability. The school did it because the school needs money.
2 months later the child droped out because they couldn't follow even the most basic parts of the lesson. The father blamed the poor performance of his child on the teacher. Clearly the teacher was terrible and that is why his genius child couldn't understand anything.



I once tested a young girl. We got off to a pretty bad start when she failed to answer the first 3 questions. What is your name. How are you? How old are you?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt (perhaps she was nervous) I asked another question. "What does your father do?"
She didn't understand, so I explained, adding the word "job". She smiled and appeared to understand my rephrasing of the question.
"Monday" she responded.

Anyway, I put her in as a complete beginner. Her mother was having none of it and demanded that she be put in the second group (with her friends). Both the mother and the girl were adamant that she could speak and understand English well.
After a week she asked to be moved to another class because the teacher spoke English poorly, with an accent she couldn't understand.
The girl still stood by her declaration that she could speak and understand English well. It was the teacher who was at fault.

She was moved to another class with another teacher. Amazingly, that teacher also couldn't speak English properly. It appears that the girl could understand English perfectly, but only if it was spoken in Russian.
In the end the mother pulled the girl out of our school, complaining that we had teachers who couldn't speak English properly.