Job Discussion Forums

[bobs12]

... you try to fix a leaking oil sump with a one kopeck coin and some two-pack epoxy resin...

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

I once tried to fix a broken toilet plunger with a coat-hanger and a rubber band.

I really hated sticking my hand in that cold, rusty toilet water.

In case you're wondering, the coat-hanger didn't work. I ended up 'manually' flushing the toilet for several weeks until a plumber with a real toolbox could be found.

PS: I have a feeling this will be a long and interesting thread.

[Communist Smurf]

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Hi CSmurf:

In your case, the plumber was probably the building's own resident plumber - in which case the service is already paid for in the form of a modest monthly fee paid by your landlord.

In my case, it was a bit different. We called a plumber and arranged a time for him to come and inspect my toilet. Two men showed up the next morning without a toolbox or wrench, looked at the plunger, and then mumbled something in Russian and left.

I was at the time, but now it all seems pretty funny.

[zaneth]

....you're surprised and feel slightly out of place if a saleclerk smiles.

... you feel slightly nervous about how loud Americans talk on the street.

... old women gardening by the railroad tracks wearing skimpy bikinis seems perfectly natural

... you find it normal to check out keys at the front desk whenever you need to do something, and have learned to treat the old geezer's nitpicky demands with polite respect.

...a full sized piece of chalk seems like something rare and precious to be treasured.

... you feel thankful when you see that some helpful person has left a few napkins and bits of newspaper in the wall tray of the toilet stall.

...you think nothing of swimming downstream from the nuclear reactor.

... you would be surprised to see a cop with a shirt that fit.

... strips of seal fur seem like a normal fashion accessory.

...you don't necessarily expect a store to be there the next time you go.

...you see the space between road and sidewalk as potential commercial real estate.

... you've lost the habit of asking people what they do for a living.

... a steaming, towel clad old man sitting outside of a building in winter wouldn't particularly draw your attention.

....you don't even think of showing up at a shop within 20 minutes of the posted closing time.

...when you think about times in the past when you met new people (in your own country) you catch yourself briefly trying to remember who did the translating and how good the new acquaintance's English was.

[ntropy]

... you think doing laundry in the bathtub daily is a pleasurable experience.

[zaneth]

touche!

[waxwing]

maladyetz, guys, maladyetz..

now then, how about:
you know you spent too long in Russia when you go home and the first time you go into the local shop to buy some milk you shout 'Girl!' at the 45 year old woman serving behind the counter.

я в англию домой хочу .. я так давно не видел маму ..

PS what is it about toilets here? I have the exact same problem. My landlord came round and fixed various things which promptly unfixed themselves the following day (including the toilet flush).. I haven't had the heart to tell him yet

[zaneth]

We flushed our toilet manually with a bucket of cold water for oh, about 6 months I think it was. Guests loved it. Part of the reason I left it that way was that the bathroom was so small (How small was it!??) It was so small that it felt bigger with the toilet tank stuck unused under the bathtub. The thing I don't understand is this design where the only thing holding the tank to the bowl is this rubber gasket thingy, and the whole apparatus leaks if the the tank isn't lined up properly with the bowl. Would it be so hard for the tank just to sit on the back of the bowl? Who thought that design up? When the guy came to fix the pipe, he said that if I hadn't started the repair job and dismantled the toilet, he would have done the complete job and put everything back together into a useable form. But since I had taken stuff apart he would only put it back together if we paid. My wife was the one at home, and not wanting to deprive me of my sense of accomplishment, she didn't pay him.

You ever have the thing where hot water comes out your cold water pipe?

I still can't bring myself to use devushka for shop clerks. Still cringe every time I hear it.

[zaneth]

... you think replacing the leaky valves in the faucets is a normal procedure when moving into a new place.

[Communist Smurf]

You have to think twice about throwing away the empty instant coffee jar.

You carry a plastic shopping bag with you "just in case".

You answer the phone by saying "ah-lo, ah-lo, ah-lo" before giving the caller a chance to respond.

You win a shoving match with an old Babuschka for a place in line and you are proud of it.

You plan your vacation around those times of the year when they turn off the hot water.

When you go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity, not recreation.

You change into тапки (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.

You actually enjoy shopping at the rynok, and you think that Ramstore is the most advanced supermarket you've ever been to.

You try paying a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.

When you begin paying attention to peoples' floors and can distinguish the quality of linoleum and/or parquet, and thus determine social status, taste, and income e.g. embezzled, earned, pension, unpaid, etc.).

You laugh at Russian jokes.

You actually get these jokes.

If you are still reading this, you definitely have been here too long.

CS

[Brooks]

no, just nostalgia.
it is so hot in Tokyo. I could go for a cool Siberian breeze, or a Baltika #3

[bobs12]

...when the one-kopeck repair job actually works and gets you to Novgorod and back...

...when your friends from your own land ask for your home address/number etc. and you ask "Which home?" or worse still, give your Russian 'coordinates' without thinking twice...

...you can remember your Russian coordinates without looking for the dingy mangled piece of paper that you keep in your jacket pocket...

...you forget how to say "ремонт" and "современный" in English...

...you think nothing of the fact that a swanky hotel with a jaccuzi in the bathroom has the taps the wrong way round...

...you go back to the UK and stand looking at your seperate taps and scratching your head for a long time before washing your hands under scalding hot water after being outside for five minutes...

...you get confused when you see a plug in a sink...

...you have to use second names in your mobile phone memory because you know too many Marinas...

...60 pence is a lot to pay for a beer...

...you think nothing of taking the whole flat apart to unblock the bath...

...your excitement upon finding Baltika in the UK scares the hell out of your friends who see you once a year...

...you start thinking about doing costly repairs in your flat...



My toilet has a really sophisticated (yeah right) system whereby the plunger is lifted by a lever that comes out of the side, rather than the top of the cistern. This continuously jams open so the cistern doesn't fill, and you have to open the cistern to free the lever. Guests always wonder why I keep going into the toilet immediately after they come out.

My favourite domestic repair was fixing a leaking hot water pipe with blue tack, sellotape and string. I swear to God it worked perfectly. However, I guess that in winter the hot water pressure is raised or lowered according to the temperature. About a month after I left and the original tenants (I was kipping there while the girl occupants were gone and I was looking for a place to stay) had returned, I was woken by a frantic phone call in the early hours of a minus-27-degree morning. The pipe had given way completely...

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

C'mon guys. Enough already. You're making me homesick!

[bobs12]

That reminds me Kent- another way you know when you've been in Russia way too long is when you actually get 'homesick' for it when you leave! I normally can't tolerate more than a couple of days away at a time without starting to bump into people on near-empty streets and leaving bus queues to go for a beer.