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The Jerry Springer ESL Show
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zakiah25



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Posts: 155
Location: Oman

PostPosted: Mon Apr 28, 2003 5:56 am    Post subject: The Jerry Springer ESL Show Reply with quote

The Jerry Springer ESL Show

(audience claps and shouts) Jerry ;.......Jerry;.......Jerry!!!!!!
Jerry: Hi everyone. Thanks for joining us. Today, I'd like you to meet Candida. She's an ESL student at U.C.L.A. Welcome Candida

(audience applauds, wolf- whistles and shouts) Candy.......Candy...........Candy..........
Jerry: Hi Candida. Now you're a college student and a cheerleader. You've just won a Barbie of the Year competition, you're a prom queen, you're going to star as a Bond girl in the next James Bond movie with Pierce Brosnan, you've been voted the girl most likely to become President of the U.S.A., and you're currently going steady with your boyfriend, Ken. What could be your problem? What's going on?

Candida: (speaking in a high-pitched, breathless tone with a distinct nasal twang, and chewing gum) Well, Jair it's like this. Me and my boyfriend Ken are going steady but I'm going to have to break it off!

Jerry: How long have you been going steady with Ken?

Candida: Oooh, it's been about 4 days now.

Jerry: I see, then what's the problem?

Candida: Well, I'm in love with another man.

(audience gasps) Ooooohhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Jerry: So, who is this other guy?

Candida: My English Professor at college!

(audience shocked) Noooooooo!!

Jerry: So, what do you want to do about it?
Candida: Well, I've asked my College Professor here today and I'm gonna tell him that I love him.

Jerry: Well, how's he going to react to all of this?

Candida: Well, I think he already knows.

Jerry: How come? Why do you think this?
Candida: I can tell. The way he looks at me in class when he asks me questions about Present Poifect Continuous!

Jerry: But what will he do when he actually hears this from you?

Candida: I'm hoping that he'll go down on his knees and ask me to marry him, right here on National TV!
(audience cheers and whistles) Yah, go;.. Candy; go Candy .......Candy!!!!!

Jerry: Well, let's bring him out and ask him what he thinks about all of this.
Welcome Professor.
(Candida rushes over to the professor and gives him a passionate tongue kiss)

ESL Professor (a rather bookish, Woody Allen lookalike): Thanks Jerry. It's a pleasure to be on your show.

Jerry:Do you know why you're here today?

ESL Professor: Not really, but I might have an idea.

Jerry:Well, we will let Candida tell you.

Candida (turning to the professor and holding his hand): Now, Professor. You know that I'm taking one of your English classes. I sit in the front seat every lesson and listen to your every word..and I just go crazy when you talk about things like .......passive voice. Oh, professor! I love you!

ESL Professor: Well, Candida. You know that I like you but I'm afraid that I have a secret confession to make. There are ...... Others !!!! Lots of them. Every night, I go along to Dave's ESL Caf because I have this need to meet people! Different ones, I have them every night!

(audience) Boo .....Boo..........hiss!!

Candida: Why you!! (she rushes over to slap him. Security guards intervene to restore order). She sits and sobs (audience sympathises aawwwagh ................)

Jerry: So, Candida. What are you going to do now?

Candida: Well, Jair.I'm just going to have to move on. I'll finish my CELTA and then I'm going to put it all behind me........I'm going to travel and backpack around the world!

Jerry (looking deep and meaningfully into the camera): Well, there's a lesson that we all can learn from this .....a moral to this story. There's a special relationship that exists between teacher and student . It's sacred based on trust and mutual respect, and should always be professional. If one party steps beyond the bounds of this relationship then someone is going to get hurt.
Take care and look after yourselves.

Audience : Jerry.............Jerry................Jerry................

Outside studio, camera focuses in on 3 guys from the audience (lookalike 3 Stooges).
Larry and Curly: We love you, Jerry and we've come from Little Rock just to see you .......
Moe: Come on , get outa here, you morons!
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bnix



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 645

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 12:46 am    Post subject: I Thought Candida Was A Yeast Infection.... Reply with quote

Only kidding,Zechiah.Your post was mordant,as usual Smile
Also ,that Candida girl...wasn't there some song out about her...group was some guy and three girls...also sang "Knock Three Times"...and (I believe) "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" .now,WHO were they?

Anyway...great post.By the way,I hear on an upcoming Geraldo Rivera show...the spotlight(along with some "guests") is going to be on "People Who Teach TESOL Overseas"....yes ,that is all.That is .....enough. Rolling Eyes

Ah,yes...it was Tony Orlando and Dawn,right? Where are they now? Where are the Captain and Tenille?Yes,I know...who really cares? Laughing
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zakiah25



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Posts: 155
Location: Oman

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 4:06 am    Post subject: light comic relief! Reply with quote

Thanks Bnix - but I'm a little disappointed. You see, I've gone out in sympathy with Scot47. He's trying to be more "touchy-feely" and I thought that I would reform too - so I'm trying to achieve a lighter comic style. But, it's still mordant eh?
Oh well, I'll think some more about it. Meanwhile, back to work crotcheting the camel rug. (please note, I did say "rug" and not "carpet", so don't start salivating Scot!).
Oh, and Bnix - my name is spelt Z A K I A H.
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Kent F. Kruhoeffer



Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Posts: 2129
Location: 中国

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 5:20 am    Post subject: now I understand ... Reply with quote

Dear zakiah25:

Now I understand why all the girls love me! Yep ... it's the passive voice thing. Very Happy But seriously, your sketch was very funny and well written. I vote "yes" to more touchy-feely comedy stuff.

Lesson #315: PASSIVE VOICE (past): This message was brought to you by:
keNt
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scot47



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Posts: 12495
Location: Ultima Thule

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 5:27 am    Post subject: jerry springer Reply with quote

Jerry Springer is not well known outside of North America. (I wonder why.) So most of your humour will be wasted on the likes of me.
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zakiah25



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Posts: 155
Location: Oman

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 6:08 am    Post subject: update Reply with quote

How odd! I just read this article on a website - quote
"Jerry Springer is popular not only in the U.S., but all over the world. He even has some new projects going in Africa and the U.K. Jerry Springer can be seen on TV screens world-wide".
Now, I'm not a fan of his, but really the theme of the sketch was about past postings in this forum and it wasn't based on his humour but rather my own attempt at some comic relief!
I'm not from North America but I have seen his show and I can remember when it created news worldwide when a homicide was the unfortunate result of one episode.
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scot47



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Posts: 12495
Location: Ultima Thule

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 6:11 am    Post subject: media Reply with quote

Do not believe everything you read - especially on the web ! Or on strange forums (fora ?) like this one !

Even in the English-speaking world Jerry Springer is not universally known !
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zakiah25



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Posts: 155
Location: Oman

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, I agree with you that you shouldn't believe everything that you read in the media but I do believe in reading for gist purposes.
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Lucy Snow



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 218
Location: US

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:02 am    Post subject: Jerry Springer Reply with quote

I've seen Springer's show dubbed into German and Hungarian.

Scarier than MacDonald's.
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Guest






PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 7:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think Jerry's had his day in Britain. I'm sure most Brits know who he is and what he does though. I spent many an afternoon during my university years chanting Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! at the television. He's also appeared several times on Richard and Judy as a guest and as a host in Richard's place. Probably Scot was out of the country, or possibly had a job to go to during the day.
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bnix



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 645

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2003 11:44 pm    Post subject: Okay,Sorry.ZAkiah... Reply with quote

I stand corrected.That must be the spelling error that itslatedoors is mewling about on another thread.My apologies.In my defense(I have to try to make some kind of a lame alibi,y'know)...well...Zakiah is not exactly a common name.so I might be forgiven,I hope.No matter.Now I know.

You said "You went out in sympathy with Scot47?H'mmmm.the plot thickens.Where did y'all go? Guess I will have to be the mordant one now....since a lot of people seem intent on getting "touchy-feely". Rolling Eyes
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scot47



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Posts: 12495
Location: Ultima Thule

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2003 5:07 am    Post subject: american (or british) tv Reply with quote

I wonder how many people in the world (like me) know nothing of Jerry Springer ? I have the feeling that Americans live in this strange world where everything is mediated through television. With the whole O.J.Simpson business it was clear that America was fascinated by this and the rest of the world had no interest at all.

With the media it is a bit like baseball or American football. What concerns the denizens of God's Own Country is of little interest to the rest of the world.
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travellingscot



Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Posts: 64
Location: UK/Eastern Europe

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2003 9:06 am    Post subject: Does teaching abroad mean we lose touch? Reply with quote

As a fellow countryman of scot47 i hope he doesn't mind if i contradict him on this one.I havn't yet started the great tefl/tesol journey so i have actually heard of this chat show host as the show was broadcast in UK at some time.
This does lead me to ask the more experienced of you if working overseas for any length of time actually leads to losing touch with ones homeland. In this case i don't think scot47 has missed anything of importance.
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Paulyboy



Joined: 23 Feb 2003
Posts: 7
Location: Czech Republic

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2003 9:26 am    Post subject: Losing touch Reply with quote

I think that living abroad for an extended period of time means that you do lose touch to a certain extent, but a lot of that extent depends on you. I have been away from my homeland for 10 years now and don't particularly care for the news so I am very out of touch with current affairs, but Jerry Springer, please, the guy's a god in his own lifetime Laughing .
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Ben Round de Bloc



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 1946

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2003 1:14 pm    Post subject: To answer travellingscot's question Reply with quote

Quote:
This does lead me to ask the more experienced of you if working overseas for any length of time actually leads to losing touch with ones homeland.

- travellingscot


In my particular case, I'd have to say yes. I've been living out of country for about 8 years now, and I really don't live that far away from my homeland (USA) either.

Although I feel a bit embarrassed to admit it Embarassed , I didn't realize how much time I spent watching TV when I lived in the States. After several years of not owning a TV here in Mexico, I finally bought a used one. I turn it on maybe once every two weeks or so. I find that I don't keep up on local, national, and international news as much here as I did back in the States.

I return to the U.S. for a two-week visit once a year. It amazes me how much of people's conversations there revolve around what's on TV, not just news reported on TV, but the variety of popular programs as well (sitcoms, reality shows, talk shows, etc.) In that case, I've definitely lost touch.

I keep in touch via e-mail and sometimes phone with family and a few friends "back home," but I no longer keep up with the details of their lives as much as I did when I lived there.

Best wishes!
Smile
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