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Teaching your dates???
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xiaoyu



Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Posts: 167
Location: China & Montana, USA

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2003 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can say honestly, that i have been tempted to date some of my students (while in china, and they were adults older than i) however, i found myself in a quandary.... i am a woman and have to work against that stereotype and in a culture that can have negative views of females esp foreign females..... and i didn't believe i could be honest with myself personally or professionally if i followed thru on such a feeling.... it came down to my personal ethics in the situation.... i didn't date the person, even after he left my class and we became friends.... and i don't regret it to this day... what is more i think that he learned from the incident as well.... although, i have to admit that my attempts to disregard my attraction to him possibly resulted in my grading him harsher than others.... the bias can work both ways.... it is a sticky situation all around, and while i hope i dont' have to be in such a situation again (it was 3 of the most agonizing weeks of my career in china) i realize that it is likely to happen.... i just hope that i can deal with it in a professional manner again... as a teacher, regardless of age, you are seen as being the superior in a classroom situation.... your self respect, the respect of your students, adn the respect of your coworkers and superiors depends on your ability to perform as professionally as possible.... if you find you can't do this, you need to try to extricate yourself from the situation as soon as possible, not only for your benefit but for the benefit of the student....
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Roger



Joined: 19 Jan 2003
Posts: 9138

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2003 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The female point of view is very enlightening! Most expat teachers in CHina that I know are male, and clearly, many of them have not just TESL on their minds! Females on the other hand...
The one point that I have an observation to share with is Deborah's account of how to test the English of one's students.
She wrote she and her colleagues traded test papers from their respective students so as to avoid judging one's own students too favourably!
Unfortunately, in mainland CHina schools we usually assess our very own students. I have on several occasions referred to the rapport we are almost inevitably developing with our students as "incestuous". My Chinese colleagues don't beat about the bush either - "Oh, I like that girl..." even "I fancy her...". Not everyone, but some that I know have spoken like this in my presence.
Not only that - it guarantees that a far more than fair share of our learners actually pass the final exam tghan would under Deborah's regime (a regime that I fully approve of).
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Scott in HK



Joined: 11 Jan 2003
Posts: 148

PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2003 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paul G wrote:
Scott:

There are a lot of factors that come into play when assigning grades. To claim that all grading is 100% objective is absurd. The student who always comes to class, behaves, participates and strives to do their best is going to get an upward attitude adjustment in their grade and the student who constantly disrupts a class is going to get a downward attitude adjustment.


I never made that claim and would agree.

Of course you would take in account these things when giving a grade. Any good system of assessment would consider the student's behaviour in class. We are not talking about grading on classroom behaviour and attitude...we are wondering if a teacher wouldn't be tempted to change their marks based on things that occur outside the classroom (directly or indirectly caused by a relationship).

Quote:
Under the conditions that Harry has described, let's say that his girlfriend does get an "A" instead of the "B" she actually earned. How have the other students been cheated or harmed?

As long as the other students receive the grades that they earned, no harm has come to them.


You think there is nothing wrong with giving a student a mark they don't deserve based on their relationship. I would think every teacher would say that this is just plain wrong.

But really the biggest problem is not the grading but the interplay between teaching and partner in the class and whether they can keep school things in school and home things in home. This is where I can see the relationship hurting the students.
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Ann



Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Posts: 45

PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2003 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry,
No personal attack on you but I do think when you feel you're right, you're going to justify the situation anyway. Why write and ask the board members to comment? I think you're cornering yourself into that age-old "but I'm right" adage.
And yes, I do believe there are gray areas in life, but this is not where they should appear. Mind you, I write, "should."
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Paul G



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 125
Location: China & USA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2003 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scott:

Quote:
But really the biggest problem is not the grading but the interplay between teaching and partner in the class and whether they can keep school things in school and home things in home. This is where I can see the relationship hurting the students


I agree with you entirely on this.
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