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The Secret Code of TEFL
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Mrs McClusky



Joined: 09 Jun 2010
Posts: 133

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:51 am    Post subject: The Secret Code of TEFL Reply with quote

I would like to put together a list of the special codes used by employers to make jobs sound more interesting and appealing.

Salary to be discussed at interview = non-negotiable salary.

Competitive local salary = The same as the local bin man with zero change of an increase.

Partly furnished accommodation = includes a curtain.

Shared Accommodation = 18 Bangladeshi man-maids per room. I hope you don't mind sharing a small bedroom.

Creative teaching = absolutely no curriculum or books and don't bother asking, write the course yourself.

Must be enthusiastic = This job will crush your brain piece by piece, blind enthusiasm is the only way to make it.

Must enjoy working with young learners = Baby sitting position available.

Short walk to public transport. = miles and miles to the nearest rik-shaw then a 300 km uphill mountainous trek to the open air office.

Well ventilated accommodation = no windows due to local vandalism.

No experience required = We don't give a s**t who we employ.

Traditional village = backwater hick-ville.

Short term contract may be available = we will be amazed if you can last a week.

Due to visa regulations your passport will be required to be kept at a local secure location and a local id card issued = YOU AINT GOING NOWHERE MATE.



Over to you guys..................
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TwinCentre



Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 271
Location: Mokotow

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for doing this! Maybe it should be in the newbie section..

The ones regarding enthusiasm, salary and creative teaching really are seriously worth watching out for....they ring true I think!


Last edited by TwinCentre on Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total
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microbabe



Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 115

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent.!!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

Made me chuckle. Some of it , too close to home. Sad
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scooby doo



Joined: 30 Oct 2009
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

here's one;
http://www.eslcafe.com/joblist/index.cgi?read=21563
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denise



Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 3419
Location: finally home-ish

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of my favorites goes something like this: "Come live in _________! It is a beautiful country with... (night life, diving, good food, whatever...)"

Translation: "The job sucks, so rather than telling you about it, we will distract you and tempt you with other things that we have no control over..."

d
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Sashadroogie



Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 9703
Location: Moskva, The Workers' Paradise

PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

From the other side:

I'm an awesome teacher = my vocabulary is much more limited than my ego

My lessons rock = the students shuddered

My students love me! = I'm very insecure

The course book sucks = I didn't know half the words in it myself and had no idea how exploit the material

Observations are a waste of time = I have no real confidence in my abilities

CELTA is just a brand name = I got a cheap online cert that was a pile of pants

I have lots of life experience = I don't even have a duff cert

Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it

I don't use IPA transcriptions because they don't reflect the way I pronounce words = I don't understand phonemic script

I never had any complaints in my last school = I had dozens and that is why I am here

My DOS is an ar*e = I'm probably about to be fired and I need to blame someone else

Cambridge has a very specific way of writing which I couldn't conform with = I failed the CELTA/DELTA

I'm a published author - I KNOW English! = I have literary pretensions (and a vanity publication) which I think compensate for my lack of teaching knowledge

I'm a cultural ambassador = I'm not really interested in teaching English so need to puff up my own self-importance

I help the benighted locals how to think = My own cultural awareness is exceedingly limited

'Back in America/UK/Aus we do blah blah' = I arrogantly assume students care

Learning is an organic process = I never plan lessons
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Smokey Dando



Joined: 19 May 2010
Posts: 19
Location: HONG KONG

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OP has pretty much nailed it.
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 12866
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Sasha,

Oh my - am I ever familiar with THIS one:

"Students don't need grammar = I don't know grammar, never mind how to teach it."

I have a colleague now who says "grammar" like it's a four-letter word. This is the same colleague who once proudly announced that she had no idea whatsoever about when the Present Perfect tense should be used.

"Students don't need that; they can just use the past."

Worse than ignorance is being proud of it.

Regards,
John
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boundforsaudi



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Posts: 243

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It doesn't help when the textbook (e.g. Cutting Edge) calls "have got" the simple present.
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 12866
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear boundforsaudi,

Umm, what would YOU call it?

Regards,
John
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boundforsaudi



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Posts: 243

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahahaha! They've got you believing it, too? After your defense of grammar? I was astonished that my office mate with an MA bought it. Sheesh.

Last edited by boundforsaudi on Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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kaw



Joined: 31 Mar 2003
Posts: 302
Location: somewhere hot and sunny

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Js - I was wondering about that as well..........have I missed out on something????
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 12866
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear kaw,

I haven't got (i.e. don't have) a clue.

Regards,
John
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 12866
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear boundforsaudi,

Umm, I repeat - what would YOU call it?

Regards,
John
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boundforsaudi



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Posts: 243

PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you have to ask.... Rolling Eyes
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