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Leaving to teach abroad, and leaving your partner.
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someshine



Joined: 23 May 2011
Posts: 12
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I left my 7-year, live-in boyfriend to do this. I wanted to do it on my own and I didn't want to string him along for a year+ while I was overseas. It was the right thing to do. It's sad, but I don't regret my decision. Neither of us will be the same when and if I come back to the states.
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sunrader



Joined: 12 Dec 2005
Posts: 91

PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suspect you just want to hear that other people have done it and survived or found it worth it.

I ended mine when this upcoming trip finally got to be a serious option, although he'd known all along that it was coming (probably hoped it really wouldn't). Yes, it was sad but it was the right thing to do. He wants to settle down here and I'm just getting started.

Bottom line is I've been working for this for years. Everyone along the way has known it and now it's here. I'm thrilled and I just want to be thrilled that I'm finally getting to do what I've been dreaming of. I don't want anyone holding me here when I go. It's a life choice.
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Insubordination



Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 391
Location: Sydney

PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Relationships end, but so do lives. Don't waste any more time. Get on with it!

Last edited by Insubordination on Thu Aug 04, 2011 1:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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SahanRiddhi



Joined: 18 Sep 2010
Posts: 267

PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

someshine wrote:
I left my 7-year, live-in boyfriend to do this. I wanted to do it on my own and I didn't want to string him along for a year+ while I was overseas. It was the right thing to do. It's sad, but I don't regret my decision. Neither of us will be the same when and if I come back to the states.


Especially after he's paraded 11 or 12 exceedingly well-built women through his bed to get back at you for leaving him.
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Madame J



Joined: 15 Feb 2007
Posts: 239
Location: Oxford, United Kingdom

PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did it, it worked, now I'm back and we're living together. Didn't seem like that big a deal to me.
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ancient_dweller



Joined: 12 Aug 2010
Posts: 415
Location: Woodland Bench

PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 9:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i had a partner and i went abroad, i returned occasionally and the phone bills were big. In the end, it just peetered out. But with hindsight i realise that the fact that i didn't want to stay with her meant that she probably wasn't worth it anyway.
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geekpie



Joined: 17 Oct 2006
Posts: 31

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought I'd reply to this post as it's been another year or so and the desire to do this seems as strong as ever. In terms of where I'm heading it just seems to be a natural progression for me. That isn't to say that perhaps I can't just do a one year contract and see how it goes, perhaps that will get it out of my system. But if I don't I'll have regrets which will carry over into my life here anyway. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I suppose very deep down if I were to analyse why, it would be a desire to cut free from what would be considered a normal life. You could of course do that in any number of ways, but I don't see myself becoming a rockstar anytime soon.
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spiral78



Joined: 05 Apr 2004
Posts: 9511
Location: On a Short Leash

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I suppose very deep down if I were to analyse why, it would be a desire to cut free from what would be considered a normal life.


Are you suggesting that we don't have normal lives? Laughing Cool
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santi84



Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 854
Location: under da sea

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think if you're willing to leave a long-term partner, then perhaps they aren't "the one" anyways. Best to go sooner rather than later - I think a lot of people romanticize TEFL and the reality of it is something quite different, IMO.

I choose to teach in Canada because leaving my husband and two children are simply not an option. To me, it's a job, not a lifestyle. If I become a widow with an empty nest one day, then I will be on a plane ASAP Very Happy
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thatsforsure



Joined: 11 Sep 2012
Posts: 134

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

geekpie wrote:
I thought I'd reply to this post as it's been another year or so and the desire to do this seems as strong as ever. In terms of where I'm heading it just seems to be a natural progression for me. That isn't to say that perhaps I can't just do a one year contract and see how it goes, perhaps that will get it out of my system. But if I don't I'll have regrets which will carry over into my life here anyway. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I suppose very deep down if I were to analyse why, it would be a desire to cut free from what would be considered a normal life. You could of course do that in any number of ways, but I don't see myself becoming a rockstar anytime soon.
Are you telling us you've continued to waste another year of this poor lass' life while you wallow in your egocentric travel fantasies?
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Glenski



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Posts: 12844
Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to go with spiral here. It's almost an insult to say that TEFLers don't have "normal lives". Living and working abroad is...well, living and working. We have business hours, clients (students), bosses, salaries or hourly wages, responsibilities, commutes, etc.

Just because we do this in a foreign land does not make it other than "normal".
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santi84



Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 854
Location: under da sea

PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glenski wrote:
I have to go with spiral here. It's almost an insult to say that TEFLers don't have "normal lives". Living and working abroad is...well, living and working. We have business hours, clients (students), bosses, salaries or hourly wages, responsibilities, commutes, etc.

Just because we do this in a foreign land does not make it other than "normal".


Agreed - which is why the OP should consider leaving ASAP because spending years romanticizing a profession might leave him very disappointed.

I don't live "abroad" but here in Quebec I live immersed in another language/community/culture. It's pretty fascinating at first, but when you end up having to deal with your government cards, same BS trying to contact an available appointment with your doctor/real estate agent/landlord/nurse's phone line/hot water repair/cheque problems/traffic etc... you start to realize it really is just a normal life with a normal job. Only it can be a little tougher if you struggle with a language barrier.

TEFL is not a travel holiday, so hurry up and get going OP, find out if you actually like it before you waste more time just dreaming Wink
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giovanni



Joined: 16 Oct 2006
Posts: 41
Location: Texas USA

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

geekpie wrote:
I thought I'd reply to this post as it's been another year or so and the desire to do this seems as strong as ever. In terms of where I'm heading it just seems to be a natural progression for me. That isn't to say that perhaps I can't just do a one year contract and see how it goes, perhaps that will get it out of my system. But if I don't I'll have regrets which will carry over into my life here anyway. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.


I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. Been together 2.5 years and I've always wanted to teach abroad but kept putting it off. He's urging me to go get it out of my system so I don't resent him. I don't know if the relationship will last a year apart.

Naturegirl, how did you get those 5-6 month deals?
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naturegirl321



Joined: 04 May 2003
Posts: 9005
Location: home sweet home

PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

giovanni wrote:
Naturegirl, how did you get those 5-6 month deals?


If you already have a resident visa you can arrange stuff with local schools or institutes. Otherwise, places like unis in China might be willing to give you a shorter contract.
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creeper1



Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Posts: 213
Location: Beijing, China

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:56 am    Post subject: Re: Leaving to teach abroad, and leaving your partner. Reply with quote

geekpie wrote:

. I've been slogging on minimum wage for a while and the hope of getting out of here (UK) has kept me sane. .


And she is a nurse with a career ahead of her. No way should she throw that away for TEFL.

If you ever return home you will (again) be slogging at minimum wage since TEFL does nothing for your CV.

Wink
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