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| should i break up w/my bf? |
| yes |
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[ 54 ] |
| no |
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[ 5 ] |
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| Total Votes : 59 |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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 Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Panda wrote: |
| Frankly speaking, how many of you guys here (who are reading this thread or who had posted a reply) never did things her boyfriend did while dating someone in your life. Are you totally innocent? Do you think your gf/bf should or should have dumped you? |
The guy sounds like a saint to me. i did far worse things in every relationship i've been in. And i've yet to know a guy (married or with a gf) who hasn't at one time or another cheated, or admitted they would if the opportunity presented itself. The only guys who never cheat are not the sweet, loyal, amazing guys girls pine for...its guys no other girl will look at. truth. |
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prideofidaho
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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| DrugstoreCowgirl wrote: |
It's messed up but I think it's human nature. When it happened to me, I HATED the other woman but not the ex. I think it boils down to this: you have history with your SO, you loved them, and you have a lot of fond memories with them. Often the only thing you know about the person they cheated with is that they are the one that helped end your relationship, so why shouldn't you be more mad at them? They mean nothing to you. |
This is absolutely true.
Ultimately, though, why would anyone take someone to bed when they know very well that that someone has a partner.
| Fox wrote: |
1) Who says they necessarily know?
2) Why should you be at all responsible for commitments made by someone else?
prideofidaho wrote:
I dunno, for me that is just the lowest of low things to do.
So you think the person sleeping with a woman who has a boyfriend is worse than the woman who is cheating on her boyfriend (or vice versa for a man cheating on his girlfriend)? That's what lowest of the low means, after all. |
Nah, you're reading what I wrote as a maxim rather than what it was - a response to what Panda said about sleeping with a man knowing he has a significant other. What she said seems to suggest that the vessel for cheating (for lack of a better word) can dismiss anger by saying 'hey, he's your cheating boyfriend, talk to him about ti and don't direct your anger at me...I just slept with the guy.
But realistically, Panda probably didn't mean it the way I took it, so whatevs.
Basically, I think that a cheater is a lowlife, and a person who sleeps with a cheater (i.e., someone who knows that person has a lover but they're willing to overlook that for sex) is a different kind of low, and for me it's lower. That's my own biased opinion about women who tempt taken men. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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| prideofidaho wrote: |
Basically, I think that a cheater is a lowlife, and a person who sleeps with a cheater (i.e., someone who knows that person has a lover but they're willing to overlook that for sex) is a different kind of low, and for me it's lower. That's my own biased opinion about women who tempt taken men. |
How very Oprah of you. You sound incredibly damaged. Humans are animals. Given the right circumstances anyone can cheat. Sorry, but IMO there are far far more important things to get your panties in a twist about besides who is cheating on/tempting whom. |
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aboxofchocolates
Joined: 21 Mar 2008
Location: On your mind
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I've slept with married or taken men before. It never occurs to me that they aren't single, and if I find out they're taken I really don't give a darn. I'm not Jimminy Cricket. I stick with any commitments I make, and expect other adults to take care of their own commitments. |
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prideofidaho
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:52 am Post subject: |
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Hey baby wipes, not sure what the *beep* you mean by 'incredibly damaged' but notice where I've said 'my own biased opinion' and move on with your helpful comments.
Abox, that's fine if you're fine with it. I can't say I haven't messed around with a taken person myself. We don't walk around with big 'single' and 'married' signs, do we?
Didn't mean to sound preachy, or judgy, I've only stated my own opinion, which is what internet forums are for. |
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calicoe
Joined: 23 Dec 2008
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:04 am Post subject: Re: should i break up w/my bf? |
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| i_teach_esl wrote: |
the other day, he was on the phone with a girl, talking and laughing, and said at one point, "we'll talk about that later." he said it was b/c she asked when he last saw his girlfriend, and whether or not we [Mod Edit].
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Get rid of him. In the midst of everything else, he is already treating YOU like an outsider, right there in that comment and action.
Flirting is fine and natural, but that is completely different to what he is doing. When he is actively texting, seeking and and having flirtatious conversations in your presence, in your home, about YOU, it's time to go. Flirting should be a fun accident when you are in a relationship. What he is doing is totally premeditated.
Always trust your instincts. You have them for a reason.
edit: One other thing, don't waste your time or emotional energy on the females that ran off with him. Focus on yourself, and your own self-esteem. Because when you really think about it, these two types kind of deserve each other. |
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calicoe
Joined: 23 Dec 2008
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:18 am Post subject: |
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I want to add one other thing. I have been on both sides of this equation, both as the cheater and the cheated. Neither side turned out to be a blast, but we are all human and muck up our lives periodically.
Mistakes aren't what makes you a sh*t, thoughtlessness is. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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| prideofidaho wrote: |
Basically, I think that a cheater is a lowlife, and a person who sleeps with a cheater (i.e., someone who knows that person has a lover but they're willing to overlook that for sex) is a different kind of low, and for me it's lower. That's my own biased opinion about women who tempt taken men. |
Tempt? He wants it. I do feel much stronger towards the woman in that situation, but that doesn't mean the guy is off the hook by any stretch.
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me?
I would never do anything with someone I knew was taken. |
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prideofidaho
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Draz wrote: |
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me? |
Absolutely not. That whole 'men can't help themselves' stuff is rubbish. Yes, they can help themselves and women can too. I'm curious to know why you would hold a woman to a higher moral standard? |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| prideofidaho wrote: |
| Draz wrote: |
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me? |
Absolutely not. That whole 'men can't help themselves' stuff is rubbish. Yes, they can help themselves and women can too. I'm curious to know why you would hold a woman to a higher moral standard? |
I was thinking about it, and it's because I believe that men and women cheat for different reasons. The man generally just wants some play, but the woman is generally going to be looking for something more.
sarahsiobhan's post in the other thread about accidentally being the other woman is a great example of this and it made me feel sad. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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| prideofidaho wrote: |
| Draz wrote: |
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me? |
Absolutely not. That whole 'men can't help themselves' stuff is rubbish. Yes, they can help themselves and women can too. I'm curious to know why you would hold a woman to a higher moral standard? |
Yet there is documented proof of intelligent married/committed guys like JFK, Clinton, Letterman, etc etc etc etc who cheated and cheated big-time. If given the opportunity any guy will cheat...unless they are ugly fat slobs with a small hammer and severe security issues. Healthy, attractive, virile men can't help themselves. It's genetic. |
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sarahsiobhan
Joined: 24 May 2009
Location: Wherever I am , I am probably drinking tea.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree with prideofidaho...... I have far too much respect for the men I know and love than to ever reduce them to "Well, they are just men...they can't help it." I think it's insulting, frankly. Men and women are equally capable of poor decision making, of being selfish, and being generally indifferent to others....I am not saying all of us (men and women) are like that, but we are equally capable of it. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| prideofidaho wrote: |
| Draz wrote: |
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me? |
Absolutely not. That whole 'men can't help themselves' stuff is rubbish. Yes, they can help themselves and women can too. I'm curious to know why you would hold a woman to a higher moral standard? |
Yet there is documented proof of intelligent married/committed guys like JFK, Clinton, Letterman, etc etc etc etc who cheated and cheated big-time. If given the opportunity any guy will cheat...unless they are ugly fat slobs with a small hammer and severe security issues. Healthy, attractive, virile men can't help themselves. It's genetic. |
Perhaps a case could be made that men can't help but want to cheat, but no case can be made that men can't help but cheat. They could resist, they simply didn't want to. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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It's not that I think men can't actually control themselves, it's that if they do decide to go ahead and cheat (or "help" a cheater), they have different reasons. Less scummy reasons.
I probably just feel this way because I don't have to worry about a man trying to bust up my relationship and steal my boyfriend. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| Baby Wipes wrote: |
| prideofidaho wrote: |
| Draz wrote: |
I wonder if you feel the same about a man who sleeps with someone who is taken? I don't. I hold women to a higher standard in every situation. The man who sleeps with a taken woman is just being a man. I wonder if that is wrong of me? |
Absolutely not. That whole 'men can't help themselves' stuff is rubbish. Yes, they can help themselves and women can too. I'm curious to know why you would hold a woman to a higher moral standard? |
Yet there is documented proof of intelligent married/committed guys like JFK, Clinton, Letterman, etc etc etc etc who cheated and cheated big-time. If given the opportunity any guy will cheat...unless they are ugly fat slobs with a small hammer and severe security issues. Healthy, attractive, virile men can't help themselves. It's genetic. |
Perhaps a case could be made that men can't help but want to cheat, but no case can be made that men can't help but cheat. They could resist, they simply didn't want to. |
Right. Which goes back to my previous point that its all about availability. Sure, some guys won't cheat because it's inaccessible (no opportunities) or receive no interest from women they find attractive.
Some of the biggest cheaters ive met have been have been the nicest guys on the planet in the eyes of their wife/gf. I know guys that habitually cheat who are constantly outspoken about how important loyalty is in a relationship and who are praised by their gf for being such a great, loyal, faithful guy. Sometimes its the devil you know, ladies. |
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