Korean Job Discussion Forums

[mslaoshi]

Dear friends, (pengyous)

I am planning to go to Korea to teach English for a year/2 while my boyfriend stays in the United States to start a doctoral program.

I have always wanted to travel, live in another culture, and just plain leave the U.S.!!! Family obligations, school, or relationship always kept me back. Now, I'm finally leaving, and I ponder how a relationship can be maintained.

Please share your creative ways in which ya'll have kept up a relationship from the other side of the world, the drawbacks and rewards.

I appreciate your feedback!!

a freaked out, but excited!!!
mslaoshi

[Crois]

Get internet and get MSN and a headset (With Mic) and computer camera. That way you can talk and actually see them. Phone bill might be cheaper.

Being away for a year is hard. If your boyfriend is willing to visit you everynow and then or you can go back home often it might work.

It depends how long you have been going out for,

Generally it would be great to keep the relationship but I think most might not survive with you being so far away. I generally couldnt cope with having a girlfriend back home because i'd want to be there instead of here. If you go through bad times here aswell you are more than likely to go back home.

Just what i think might happen.

[Mr. Pink]

Longdistance relationships DONT work.

If you think things will be the same after 2yrs apart, think of it this way:

You will be living a life he cannot understand. You will do things he cannot understand. You will change...he will not see it gradually but all at once when you meet him after a long absense.

He may change too. Same thing.

Also new ppl might cross your path or his path...what to do when you are horny and needing some loving?

That's why long distance doesn't work.

[Zyzyfer]

Well, long-term distance relationships don't work. Short term ones(I'm talking a month or three) are much more reasonable. But two years?!? Yea, a lot of changes happen over the course of two years.

[rapier]

Doomed. been there done that. A relationship isn't one, -if you're not there.

[VanIslander]

I don't know enough specifics but in many cases:

I recommend you take a "time out" and agree to meet again afterwards if you both happen to want to then.

That way, there's no hurt feelings, some independent growth (even if one or both of you don't date in the meantime) and a fresh start when you get back together.

You avoid the tortured longing and pining for the past when the fact is you'll both change in two years, and not together, especially if you venture into a foreign country.

Of course, modern technology allows for a sense of immediacy (audio/video) but I contend that it's at a loss of intimacy. Write letters to express yourself, reflect on your life to date, allow Korea to change you in productive ways..... make the best of it.

Good luck. Plans for the future always need a bit of it.

At least you're not being impulsive about such an important aspect of your life. It sounds like you're thinking about it and will make a conscious decision, so it's bound to be good, whatever it is.

[Corporal]

Not sure why there are so many negative responses here. Mature people can handle long-term separations if they both have the desire and the self-control. If someone "got horny" and went elsewhere, we're not talking about mature, well-adjusted individuals.

[J.B. Clamence]

A year or TWO? On opposite sides of the planet? Why? Well, I guess everyone things differently about relationships. I can't speak for the two of you because I don't know you, but I would never try to maintain a relationship if I decided to leave the country for a couple years. If I wanted the relationship, I would stay put. If going abroad were more important, I would end it before leaving. As has been said, a lot happens in two years.

Another factor is your age. The younger you are, the harder it will be, because younger people change much more over a shorter period of time. You could end up being a totally different person after two years in Korea.

[mithridates]

I find that people can handle a long-distance relationship for about half the time they've already spent seeing each other. Those who have been together for half a year, for example, can spend a few months apart but over half a year is asking for trouble.
Those who have only been together for a week or two have the added advantage of momentum, but this won't last for longer than a few months unless there is a definate date where the two can meet again.
I had a long-distance relationship for about five months after seeing each other for two weeks. It would have worked if I was into it but I lost interest after a while...I was in Korea, she was in Canada (I'm Canadian and she's Korean) and she came over to Korea for a month after three months apart, but after she went back again there was another five or so months to wait and I didn't feel like it (to be honest) so I told her that I wanted to break up and that we could get back together after she came back. I started dating other people then (she didn't date other people, still only liked me) and when she came back in November I had mostly lost interest in her as anything other than a friend but we spent two months kind of dating and kind of not, but non-committed. Eventually I found myself with a girlfriend that I liked so I told her we couldn't keep up the half-dating any longer and she became really upset (understandably) and since then there's been virtually no contact. She had quit smoking for me and after I got the new gf she started smoking again and drinking every night; I don't know the details but it seems to me to be a bit self-destructive. I feel bad that I had led her to believe that we might get fully back together but I'm still surprised at how outwardly self-destructive she became. When I'm in those moods I usually just lose the energy to do anything, much less drink. Generally I just read news when in those moods.
wow, this reply got a bit long...

[sadsac]

It's tough, but it really does depend on the people. My wife went to Japan to teach for a year, then 6 months here in Korea initially and also Taiwan. We spoke a lot on the phone, sent tapes, wrote and I visited. Messenger and the net were not as well developed as they are now. You make the choices, if you feel that the it can endure a separation go for it. You have already put off doing it for all the reasons you stated, don't continue to put it off. If it survives this, it will survive most things in the future. Good luck.

[mslaoshi]

Thank you for the wonderful posts! I agree with most of you. And I will look to those options of technology. Of course you can't kiss, hug a picture, but at least you can see the other person. Pretty strange simulation of a relationship...

I really like the military-man who said to keep busy and that mature people could withstand a distance relationship.

Interesting to think of how the elements are so different where we will be at: weather, culture, food, people. We are bound to come back different. Fundamentally different? I don't know about that. But a different flavor to both of us, shifting perspectives present, altered ways of speaking (him with being in the deep South, Creole and Cajun, me being in Korea).

Thank you for all of your ramblings, thoughts, and experiences!!!

mslaoshi

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The more liberated one feels the less one needs.

Colossus of Maroussi, Henry Miller