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Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid...
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kimchi_pizza



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Location: "Get back on the bus! Here it comes!"

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You call the mother of your child a 'psycho' on an 'anonymous' online forum an ask for guideance which in reality, you're hoping for symapathy. Wait....let me check...nope, none there....let's see....nope, none there. Sorry, no sympathy or guidance. I wonder if it's any wonder she's a 'wack-job'....if she's so terrible, you're the genius that married her.
YOU figure it out.
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fosterman



Joined: 16 Nov 2011

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

the judge wont give you a straight divorce anyway.
you have to go through the cooling off period, and the 3 month or is it 6 now
where you have to work it out...
new law...
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kimchi_pizza wrote:
You call the mother of your child a 'psycho' on an 'anonymous' online forum an ask for guideance which in reality, you're hoping for symapathy. Wait....let me check...nope, none there....let's see....nope, none there. Sorry, no sympathy or guidance. I wonder if it's any wonder she's a 'wack-job'....if she's so terrible, you're the genius that married her.
YOU figure it out.

Lol at your pathetic attempt to make me feel bad. Psycho is just how she was acting at the time, sorry if you took offense to the term.

Anyway-




*UPDATE* (if you were wondering):


Yeah, she's back home. She was staying with her cousin and her cousin's husband speaks great English because he lived in the States for 7 years. I texted him to thank him for taking our baby in and he called back and said to meet up for dinner and talk about my side of the story of what happened.
We did. And after hearing my side of her physical abuse he said he'll go home and talk to my wife and that she will be back at my house the next day (yesterday). I got a text from my wife around noon the following day saying she was coming home.
If you guys must know the reason why she got so pissed it was because I was always in the other room on the computer while she was out in the living room taking care of the baby and she felt lonely. It was my fault, and I admit that. So guys out there with a kid--stay out there with your wife and spend quality time with her so she doesn't turn against you like mine did.
Oh and one last thing: if you should feel trapped behind the 8-ball, and you've ran out of options--TAKE IT TO THE MOTHER IN LAW! She admitted on the car ride home last night when I told her I would have gone to her mom in a few days that she would NOT have liked it and was so glad she came home before that happened. I asked why and she said because her mom would have forced her and convinced her to come home and not to pursue a divorce. So, Korean mothers are better at just making you kimchi, they have supreme rulings and dealings over everything her daughter does. Use that to your advantage.
Peace (and I mean that literally) and close down the thread. For good this time!
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LuckyNomad



Joined: 28 May 2007

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wait a minute. Why was she a psycho? It was your fault for isolating yourself all the time. I understand that women are psychotic in that logic doesn't usually come into play with their behavior or arguments, but what makes this one in particular a psycho? What was your side of the story?
Isolating yourself from your family is almost as bad as all those fathers who spend every night with their friends drinking soju. Your baby needs to spend a lot of time with you and hear your voice so he or she can become bilingual. Those first two years a very important for building up their language skills.
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LuckyNomad wrote:
Wait a minute. Why was she a psycho? It was your fault for isolating yourself all the time. I understand that women are psychotic in that logic doesn't usually come into play with their behavior or arguments, but what makes this one in particular a psycho? What was your side of the story?
Isolating yourself from your family is almost as bad as all those fathers who spend every night with their friends drinking soju. Your baby needs to spend a lot of time with you and hear your voice so he or she can become bilingual. Those first two years a very important for building up their language skills.

You must not have taken into account the "physical abuse" part. If I led more into this topic you'd see very clearly why I called her psycho.
We also had a talk about this on the way home and it is agreed upon that if she ever starts wailing on me MMA style again I will call the police no ifs, ands or buts. I never hit women first or hit them back, so the police are the last resort.
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rchristo10



Joined: 14 Jul 2009

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid... Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
DO NOT MARRY A KOREAN!!! (ok, now that that's out of the way...):

The woman is a complete nut. She totally does not get the concept that marriage is a life-long commitment and there are ups and down and that it is not easy, but we must strive to make it work for the sake of children. Apparently I take the more conservative approach to marriage and she is of the celebrity 2-months-and-it's-over variety. (We've been married for about a year, though.)
Anyway, I'm not going into details, but I would like some information about what happens to my baby should we get divorced. My baby is only 4 months old. 4 MONTHS OLD! I don't even know where my wife and my baby are at the moment. She's ran out of the house since Friday and staying with one of her friends.

I'm assuming the Korean court system will bend over backwards for my wife since she is Korean and give her custody after she manipulates them like she has me for the past 3 years. But what's the chances of me getting custody? She has a good job and can live independently and support our baby so I'm chalking the custody up for her at this point.

Now then, most importantly, what would happen to my F6 visa? Would that get canceled right away?

I told her I'm not signing any papers ever and she is going to have sue me to get the kid and for the divorce. I'm not going to make it easy for her. Then again, this could all be just another manipulating trick to get me to act the way she wanted to mold me, which I'm sure it is. But I just want to know what my options are in case of the (likely?) event she is serious and decides to pursue a divorce.


**TL/DR PEOPLE**

1: What happens to my F6 visa if we get divorced?

2: We have a baby. Would custody rights go automatically to her?


Perhaps I read this wrong, but your F6 is more important than your baby?
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rchristo10



Joined: 14 Jul 2009

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:19 pm    Post subject: Re: Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid... Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
DO NOT MARRY A KOREAN!!! (ok, now that that's out of the way...):

The woman is a complete nut. She totally does not get the concept that marriage is a life-long commitment and there are ups and down and that it is not easy, but we must strive to make it work for the sake of children. Apparently I take the more conservative approach to marriage and she is of the celebrity 2-months-and-it's-over variety. (We've been married for about a year, though.)
Anyway, I'm not going into details, but I would like some information about what happens to my baby should we get divorced. My baby is only 4 months old. 4 MONTHS OLD! I don't even know where my wife and my baby are at the moment. She's ran out of the house since Friday and staying with one of her friends.

I'm assuming the Korean court system will bend over backwards for my wife since she is Korean and give her custody after she manipulates them like she has me for the past 3 years. But what's the chances of me getting custody? She has a good job and can live independently and support our baby so I'm chalking the custody up for her at this point.

Now then, most importantly, what would happen to my F6 visa? Would that get canceled right away?

I told her I'm not signing any papers ever and she is going to have sue me to get the kid and for the divorce. I'm not going to make it easy for her. Then again, this could all be just another manipulating trick to get me to act the way she wanted to mold me, which I'm sure it is. But I just want to know what my options are in case of the (likely?) event she is serious and decides to pursue a divorce.


**TL/DR PEOPLE**

1: What happens to my F6 visa if we get divorced?

2: We have a baby. Would custody rights go automatically to her?


Perhaps I read this wrong, but your F6 is more important than your baby?
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timhorton



Joined: 07 Dec 2005

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:01 pm    Post subject: Re: Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid... Reply with quote

rchristo10 wrote:
Nolos wrote:
DO NOT MARRY A KOREAN!!! (ok, now that that's out of the way...):

The woman is a complete nut. She totally does not get the concept that marriage is a life-long commitment and there are ups and down and that it is not easy, but we must strive to make it work for the sake of children. Apparently I take the more conservative approach to marriage and she is of the celebrity 2-months-and-it's-over variety. (We've been married for about a year, though.)
Anyway, I'm not going into details, but I would like some information about what happens to my baby should we get divorced. My baby is only 4 months old. 4 MONTHS OLD! I don't even know where my wife and my baby are at the moment. She's ran out of the house since Friday and staying with one of her friends.

I'm assuming the Korean court system will bend over backwards for my wife since she is Korean and give her custody after she manipulates them like she has me for the past 3 years. But what's the chances of me getting custody? She has a good job and can live independently and support our baby so I'm chalking the custody up for her at this point.

Now then, most importantly, what would happen to my F6 visa? Would that get canceled right away?

I told her I'm not signing any papers ever and she is going to have sue me to get the kid and for the divorce. I'm not going to make it easy for her. Then again, this could all be just another manipulating trick to get me to act the way she wanted to mold me, which I'm sure it is. But I just want to know what my options are in case of the (likely?) event she is serious and decides to pursue a divorce.


**TL/DR PEOPLE**

1: What happens to my F6 visa if we get divorced?

2: We have a baby. Would custody rights go automatically to her?


Perhaps I read this wrong, but your F6 is more important than your baby?


That's not what he said. He was obviously concerned about his visa since he would need that to stay here and support the baby.
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singerdude



Joined: 18 Jul 2009

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think he was probably more worried about staying in the country to take care of his baby. I know I would be. Yes, it is possible to come back on an E2, but I assume his income would go down by quite a bit.
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid... Reply with quote

rchristo10 wrote:
Nolos wrote:
DO NOT MARRY A KOREAN!!! (ok, now that that's out of the way...):

The woman is a complete nut. She totally does not get the concept that marriage is a life-long commitment and there are ups and down and that it is not easy, but we must strive to make it work for the sake of children. Apparently I take the more conservative approach to marriage and she is of the celebrity 2-months-and-it's-over variety. (We've been married for about a year, though.)
Anyway, I'm not going into details, but I would like some information about what happens to my baby should we get divorced. My baby is only 4 months old. 4 MONTHS OLD! I don't even know where my wife and my baby are at the moment. She's ran out of the house since Friday and staying with one of her friends.

I'm assuming the Korean court system will bend over backwards for my wife since she is Korean and give her custody after she manipulates them like she has me for the past 3 years. But what's the chances of me getting custody? She has a good job and can live independently and support our baby so I'm chalking the custody up for her at this point.

Now then, most importantly, what would happen to my F6 visa? Would that get canceled right away?

I told her I'm not signing any papers ever and she is going to have sue me to get the kid and for the divorce. I'm not going to make it easy for her. Then again, this could all be just another manipulating trick to get me to act the way she wanted to mold me, which I'm sure it is. But I just want to know what my options are in case of the (likely?) event she is serious and decides to pursue a divorce.


**TL/DR PEOPLE**

1: What happens to my F6 visa if we get divorced?

2: We have a baby. Would custody rights go automatically to her?


Perhaps I read this wrong, but your F6 is more important than your baby?

Yes you read it wrong. My baby is the most important thing to me, but I simply have to make provisions for life after marriage should we have gotten divorced and my visa situation is one of them.
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mnjetter



Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Location: Seoul, S. Korea

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 12:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LuckyNomad wrote:
Wait a minute. Why was she a psycho? It was your fault for isolating yourself all the time. I understand that women are psychotic in that logic doesn't usually come into play with their behavior or arguments, but what makes this one in particular a psycho? What was your side of the story?
Isolating yourself from your family is almost as bad as all those fathers who spend every night with their friends drinking soju. Your baby needs to spend a lot of time with you and hear your voice so he or she can become bilingual. Those first two years a very important for building up their language skills.


I generally don't like to make personal attacks on or offline, but I am glad that I don't know you personally. I dislike condescending people. There is no rigorously conducted empirical basis to conclude that women think, speak, or behave in a manner that is any less logical than the way men do. It's people, not women alone, who behave irrationally in their daily lives.
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earthquakez



Joined: 10 Nov 2010

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people will not like what I have to say but it's true - there seem to be more than usual problems among non Korean-Korean marriages when the foreigner is an English teacher on a very ordinary income. Korean society is very nouveau middle class and snobbish - and possibly your wife feels she did not marry the right kind of foreigner.

Meaning possibly she thought it was a way of coming up rather than going down in the social scale then your lack of prospects and money made her depressed to add to the natural depression women feel after childbirth. There are also many more problems for the waygugin who doesn't speak fairly good Korean yet gets married to a Korean.

It doesn't really matter in one way that your girlfriend now your wife wanting a divorce spoke mostly English to you by the sounds of it - your lack of Korean skills is most likely hurting your marriage. How do I know you don't have sufficient Korean skills? You mentioned going to your mother in law's place and trying to speak to her although she doesn't know English.

I am not married. I have no desire to marry a Korean because as far as I am concerned that will narrow down the scope of my life. It's a very restrictive and old thinking society when you go beyond the obsessions with fashion and technology, even among Koreans who are more open minded there is still the mentality that they have to worry about the opinion of even strangers because another Korean has something to say to them.

And the obsession with looking as if you have more money than you do is very insular and again part of the whole nouveau middle class mentality that comes from a largely peasant/poor society that rapidly underwent changes that occurred much earlier in western societies.

The bottom line is - my Korean from what you state here is obviously better than yours and if I had been dating a Korean girlfriend let alone marrying one, I would have attended Korean classes to get up to speed on above intermediate level because she identifies herself with her family and friends and society as a Korean.

It seems to me the worst marital relationships between foreigners and Koreans occur because of lack of money and social status of the foreigner and lack of Korean language skills. If you are an English teacher you need to be more ambitious and start at least looking as if you are determined to make more money and break out of it. Sorry if this sounds harsh.
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

earthquakez wrote:
Some people will not like what I have to say but it's true - there seem to be more than usual problems among non Korean-Korean marriages when the foreigner is an English teacher on a very ordinary income. Korean society is very nouveau middle class and snobbish - and possibly your wife feels she did not marry the right kind of foreigner.

Meaning possibly she thought it was a way of coming up rather than going down in the social scale then your lack of prospects and money made her depressed to add to the natural depression women feel after childbirth. There are also many more problems for the waygugin who doesn't speak fairly good Korean yet gets married to a Korean.

It doesn't really matter in one way that your girlfriend now your wife wanting a divorce spoke mostly English to you by the sounds of it - your lack of Korean skills is most likely hurting your marriage. How do I know you don't have sufficient Korean skills? You mentioned going to your mother in law's place and trying to speak to her although she doesn't know English.

I am not married. I have no desire to marry a Korean because as far as I am concerned that will narrow down the scope of my life. It's a very restrictive and old thinking society when you go beyond the obsessions with fashion and technology, even among Koreans who are more open minded there is still the mentality that they have to worry about the opinion of even strangers because another Korean has something to say to them.

And the obsession with looking as if you have more money than you do is very insular and again part of the whole nouveau middle class mentality that comes from a largely peasant/poor society that rapidly underwent changes that occurred much earlier in western societies.

The bottom line is - my Korean from what you state here is obviously better than yours and if I had been dating a Korean girlfriend let alone marrying one, I would have attended Korean classes to get up to speed on above intermediate level because she identifies herself with her family and friends and society as a Korean.

It seems to me the worst marital relationships between foreigners and Koreans occur because of lack of money and social status of the foreigner and lack of Korean language skills. If you are an English teacher you need to be more ambitious and start at least looking as if you are determined to make more money and break out of it. Sorry if this sounds harsh.

You aren't being harsh, don't worry. But let me explain a couple things:

1: My wife doesn't care about money. In fact she makes a little more than I do. So we do just fine financially in Korea. No problem there.

2: Why would I have to learn Korean and how would that make our lives better? I could never learn enough Korean to be as good as she can speak English even as far back as 5-10 years ago probably. We can communicate perfectly well in English so I see no need other to communicate with her mother better to learn the language.
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fustiancorduroy



Joined: 12 Jan 2007

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:

You aren't being harsh, don't worry. But let me explain a couple things:

1: My wife doesn't care about money. In fact she makes a little more than I do. So we do just fine financially in Korea. No problem there.

2: Why would I have to learn Korean and how would that make our lives better? I could never learn enough Korean to be as good as she can speak English even as far back as 5-10 years ago probably. We can communicate perfectly well in English so I see no need other to communicate with her mother better to learn the language.


I am happy that you have been able to work things out with your wife, but I do want to comment on learning Korean. I think if you intend on staying in Korea long term, you should learn more Korean. Yes, your wife probably does speak English well, but her family does not. And what about the people you interact with on a daily basis? Does your landlord speak English? Does the gas company repairman? Does the insurance company representative? And what about the teachers when your child starts school? In most of these cases, though not necessarily all, the answer is probably no. I don't know about your wife, but my wife, who is also Korean, expects me to be able to handle at least some of these situations myself rather than always rely on her, and to do that I need to speak Korean. Korea is a very male dominated society and, like it or not, having your wife do all the talking in these situations while you hang back and understand little of what is being said increases the chances of you being put in vulnerable positions and being taken advantage of.

In summary, if you leave Korea, then you don't need to learn much more Korean. But if you do stay, it would strongly be to your advantage to learn as much Korean as possible, not necessarily to communicate with your wife, but to help her live a better, more secure life. Just ask any of the long-term guys on here, those who've been married 10 years or more. Nearly all of them speak at least intermediate level Korean or above.
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

fustiancorduroy wrote:
Nolos wrote:

You aren't being harsh, don't worry. But let me explain a couple things:

1: My wife doesn't care about money. In fact she makes a little more than I do. So we do just fine financially in Korea. No problem there.

2: Why would I have to learn Korean and how would that make our lives better? I could never learn enough Korean to be as good as she can speak English even as far back as 5-10 years ago probably. We can communicate perfectly well in English so I see no need other to communicate with her mother better to learn the language.


I am happy that you have been able to work things out with your wife, but I do want to comment on learning Korean. I think if you intend on staying in Korea long term, you should learn more Korean. Yes, your wife probably does speak English well, but her family does not. And what about the people you interact with on a daily basis? Does your landlord speak English? Does the gas company repairman? Does the insurance company representative? And what about the teachers when your child starts school? In most of these cases, though not necessarily all, the answer is probably no. I don't know about your wife, but my wife, who is also Korean, expects me to be able to handle at least some of these situations myself rather than always rely on her, and to do that I need to speak Korean. Korea is a very male dominated society and, like it or not, having your wife do all the talking in these situations while you hang back and understand little of what is being said increases the chances of you being put in vulnerable positions and being taken advantage of.

In summary, if you leave Korea, then you don't need to learn much more Korean. But if you do stay, it would strongly be to your advantage to learn as much Korean as possible, not necessarily to communicate with your wife, but to help her live a better, more secure life. Just ask any of the long-term guys on here, those who've been married 10 years or more. Nearly all of them speak at least intermediate level Korean or above.

Fair enough.
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