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Korean GF rushing to get married
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hellofaniceguy



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

chrisblank wrote:
You took her back home to meet your parents. That, from a Korean viewpoint, means you want to marry her.


That has absolutely nothing to do with a korean viewpoint!
In any culture/country....it would be perceived as the relationship is getting serious and perhaps marriage is in the works...
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northway



Joined: 05 Jul 2010

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellofaniceguy wrote:
chrisblank wrote:
You took her back home to meet your parents. That, from a Korean viewpoint, means you want to marry her.


That has absolutely nothing to do with a korean viewpoint!
In any culture/country....it would be perceived as the relationship is getting serious and perhaps marriage is in the works...


It's not really the same, at least compared to where I'm from. It's pretty normal to bring your girlfriend home for a weekend, even if it's not super serious. The distance may play a role here, but meeting the parents is far more significant for Koreans than for Westerners (at least North Americans).
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faeriehazel



Joined: 04 Mar 2008

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a difficult time with my parents when my fiance and I first started dating (I'm Korean, he's Irish). My dad's attitude was originally: "Why the hell do I want to meet this guy? I'm only going to meet him if you're going to marry him."

Thankfully my mother has a more enlightened attitude, and even my dad came around eventually. But they've spent a lot of time abroad; most Korean parents are not interested in meeting their children's SOs unless marriage is already being discussed.

Marriage is a huge issue for Korean women in their late 20s. As one of my friends put it, by the time you approach 30, you are on the "last season's inventory - must go!" shelf. Life for a Korean woman who is single at the age of 30 is difficult at best. A lot of foreign guys I know complain about their Korean girlfriends pressuring them into marriage without really understanding the stress these women have to endure from society and even their close friends and family. For Koreans, if you start dating in your late 20s, marriage is pretty much already on the table.

As for the "jewelry set" gifts that are usually part of a Korean marriage, none of the Korean girls I know who married foreign men did any of that shit. That stuff only works if you're marrying into a family who has those expectations. Personally to me this is one of the perks of marrying a non-Korean person. I know of Korean couples who split up during the engagement because the whole gift giving thing blew up into a huge feud between their families. Maybe the Korean girl should be reminded that if you're getting gifts for her family, then her family needs to reciprocate as well. You're better off saving that money for your honeymoon, or down payment on a house.
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Lazio



Joined: 15 Dec 2010

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One thing that I strongly recommend is: to have her MOVE IN WITH you for at least a couple of months before you even engage and start making wedding plans.

As for gifts and whatnot: If you donít feel like doing it than refuse it straight.
We didnít have any money and that is why we delayed our wedding. FIL gave (not loan) us 10 million for marriage related expenses including 2 flight tickets to go back home and marry there first in-front of my family. Later we gave them back 5 million.
A couple months later we had a wedding hall ďplasticĒ ceremony here. Which didnít cost us any money as the In-laws paid for it and they also took the envelopes. We didnít have a hanbok, no gift exchanges or anything like that. Since than weíve saved a nice chunk and everything is well.
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createasaurus21



Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's fairly common to get serious about marriage after (or a little less than) a year of exclusively dating. It may seem "rushed" to westerners, but it's normal in Korea, Japan, and other parts of Asia.
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PREEST



Joined: 20 Jan 2013

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel a lot of Korean woman want to get married sooner because they want the freedom that not being around their parents ALL THE TIME would bring. They really only gain real adult independence until they are married.

I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.
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3DR



Joined: 24 May 2009

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PREEST wrote:
I feel a lot of Korean woman want to get married sooner because they want the freedom that not being around their parents ALL THE TIME would bring. They really only gain real adult independence until they are married.

I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.


LOL I thought I had it bad. Mine is 27 with a curfew though sometimes she lies in certain circumstances (weekend trip, late movie, etc)
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Seoulman69



Joined: 14 Dec 2009

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.


Yet you're the same guy that posted.


Quote:
It is rather irritating to hear when people have some kind of experience with one Korean person, then all of a sudden it's 'Why do Koreans...Blah blah blah?'


Seems like you are as guilty as the people who irritate you. A midnight curfew is not culture. It is the demands of your girlfriend's parents.
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nicwr2002



Joined: 17 Aug 2011

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seoulman69 wrote:
Quote:
I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.


Yet you're the same guy that posted.


Quote:
It is rather irritating to hear when people have some kind of experience with one Korean person, then all of a sudden it's 'Why do Koreans...Blah blah blah?'


Seems like you are as guilty as the people who irritate you. A midnight curfew is not culture. It is the demands of your girlfriend's parents.


I would say it is more of a cultural trait to have curfews. If you are 32 in America and you lived with your parents, there would be no curfew. At most maybe a call to let your parents know you are coming home late. My GF's parents are the same about the curfew thing. I have to understand because it's their culture, but I keep thinking "You are a grown women. Why do you have to go home like you are still in high school?"
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Seoulman69



Joined: 14 Dec 2009

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I would say it is more of a cultural trait to have curfews. If you are 32 in America and you lived with your parents, there would be no curfew. At most maybe a call to let your parents know you are coming home late. My GF's parents are the same about the curfew thing. I have to understand because it's their culture, but I keep thinking "You are a grown women. Why do you have to go home like you are still in high school?"


I've lived in Korea for many years and been lucky enough to have a number of Korean girlfriends during my time here. Not one of them had a curfew. Some girls have a curfew because their parents are old fashioned.
My earlier post was related to that particular poster stating his dislike of people saying "why do Koreans......" after experiencing something with one Korea yet himself posting "I know, I know, it's culture..." in response to his own experience.
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Hugo85



Joined: 27 Aug 2010

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fully adult women having a curfew is certainly related to culture. Far more women here have a curfew after their 20's than back home.

My GF has to be on her way home by 10PM.
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orosee



Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Location: Hannam-dong, Seoul

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seoulman69 wrote:
Quote:
I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.


Yet you're the same guy that posted.


Quote:
It is rather irritating to hear when people have some kind of experience with one Korean person, then all of a sudden it's 'Why do Koreans...Blah blah blah?'


Seems like you are as guilty as the people who irritate you. A midnight curfew is not culture. It is the demands of your girlfriend's parents.


But the parents demand this because of their culture. And 30+ year old women here obey their parents because of their culture.

This may mean nothing but apparently it is easier for many women here to lie outright to their parents (or husband) rather than to confront them with the facts Rolling Eyes
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cheezsteakwit



Joined: 12 Oct 2011
Location: There & back again.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

3DR wrote:
PREEST wrote:
I feel a lot of Korean woman want to get married sooner because they want the freedom that not being around their parents ALL THE TIME would bring. They really only gain real adult independence until they are married.

I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.


LOL I thought I had it bad. Mine is 27 with a curfew though sometimes she lies in certain circumstances (weekend trip, late movie, etc)


I got a buddy on vacation for 2 weeks in America with his K g/f right now. Her mom knows its just the two of them BUT her dad thinks there are a group of people going on the trip & my buddy is kind of the 'tour guide' for the group.

We were busting his stones, saying he should take cardboard cut-outs of her friends to photograph with the 2 of them at the Grand Canyon, etc... either that or work on his Photoshop skills.

A few months back, he gave her some kind of a 'promise ring' ??, but he said its not exactly an engagement ring. I'm not sure how it works, but they'll get married sooner or later.
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Landros



Joined: 19 Oct 2007

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:02 pm    Post subject: Gremlins Reply with quote

I guess those Korean ladies with curfews should start hooking up with the American GIs that have curfews too. So funny they both can head home around 10. Old enough to drive, drink and die for your country but all Cinderella at midnight.
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Seoulman69



Joined: 14 Dec 2009

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
But the parents demand this because of their culture. And 30+ year old women here obey their parents because of their culture.


I'll be honest, I'm struggling to grasp this because I've never met a Korean girl with a curfew. However, I do accept that you and other posters have. But here's a different take on it. When I still lived with my parents I was given a curfew. Other people I knew had curfews too. We were a lot younger than the aforementioned Koreans though. Therefore perhaps it is a case of "when you live under my roof you obey my rules". I would argue that this is not culturally specific to Korea. The difference is the age of the people in each scenario.

Another more worrying scenario may be that the Korean girls use the curfew as an excuse to hook up with another boy later that evening.
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