Korean Job Discussion Forums

[le-paul]

I haven't been able to find any specific studies about how it effects people leaving their home country and living abroad - either short term or long term (in the majority of our cases - to teach ESL). However, I think its reasonable to argue, that after an extended period abroad, the situation its self isolates us to a certain degree, either from our links back home or building long term relationships where we are presently. The exception often being an intimate relationship with a partner - leading to making a family.

People therefore have to make more decisions that benefit only themselves and may find that become 'shrewder' in negotiating etc.

There is also often less security in our careers or homes (This is often compensated for by saving money and having a 'plan B').

When we return home, it may be difficult to restart our relationships etc. with people from where we left off, thus making people feel more isolated.

People also become more cynical of others -especially foreigners and may look for similarities/common ground with people from their own countries more.

Anyway, I think considering the isolation, it would be natural to become more selfish in this kind of situation.

There are also a lot of positve traits that people must feel theyve developed? Myself for example, I have become better at judging certain situations and more resourceful.

So, my questions are; 'Do you think you have become more selfish since leaving home, and if not, why?'.
And 'How has it changed you as a person living away from your home country?'

(Disclaimer - not a troll post - nor specific to Korea).

[Jongno2bucheon]

being in korea where people are more open and direct about hidden emotions and thoughts we have in the west I can say that I am more in touch and aware of my subconscious selfishness than before.

But my overall selfishness is the same. just my awareness and articulation of it is better

[joelove]

What does this question mean, "Is being selfish normal?"

I don't try to be philosophical or anything but the question makes almost no sense to me. There are two other questions involved. What do you mean by selfish? And what do you mean by normal? Yes, it's time to punch me in the face.

Is selfish different from self-centered? And do you know anyone who is not self-centered? Think about this a little. I'm not pretending to have more or less understanding on the matter than anyone else. That's silly. What do we mean by selfishness? I think that's a fair question. It doesn't take much awareness to see that selfishness or "self-centeredness" is common to all people, because there is very little love in us. What little compassion we have comes and goes. Most of us, most of the time, are out for ourselves, and so selfishness is the dominant force in our lives. You and I may speak of being nice or polite or generous or whatever, but deep down we are mostly concerned with ourselves, with the "me" and the gratification of maintaining some silly image. This is all very basic. It takes no thought, and is a bunch of empty words.

By normal I guess you mean common. Of course being selfish is normal or common. Is the normal person sane or psychologically healthy? I doubt it. Most people are neurotic and totally interested in themselves, in their own petty little affairs and being or becoming somebody special, which is a grand trick we've all been taught to believe. To be normal is to be fretful, anxious, self-absorbed, envious, jealous, and to conform to all the rest of the illness given to us.

So yeah, I guess being selfish is normal.

[le-paul]

[Unposter]

No.

But, people today are becoming more and more selfish as we are being taught that not only is it okay but it is advantageous.

So, if you think you are selfish, you probably are.

[Stain]

Ambrose Bierce defined this word in the Devil's Dictionary.

Selfish~adj.~Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

That was more than a hundred years ago. Things haven't changed much.

[le-paul]

[joelove]

[Chaparrastique]

[joelove]

I feel there is no way to write about this that doesn't sound terrible. I can't respond to it. There are two pointless threads on the go about selfishness, and that kind of bothers me. Why ask a question when you know the answer is in it? Selfishness is yourself. So stop asking these questions, please. I'm too drunk.

[le-paul]

[drcrazy]

My user name says it all.

[Moldy Rutabaga]

The difficulty with such a question is that it's hard to establish a control. Do people who live in Korea in ESL for many years change because of the circumstances, or because they're older? How much of one and of the other?

I don't think I've particularly grown away from friends/family back home any more than I would have if I had stayed; when your college friends find careers and have families there is a change in how much time they can devote to friendships. Have your friends remained close to each other, or have they also grown apart to some comfortable distance?

Personally, I think I am both more willing to let things be than I was ten years ago after dealing with so many silly messes here, and perhaps also less trusting of people after working with several troubled or malicious ones. But again, I wouldn't say this is because of isolation, and am not sure that it wouldn't have happened anyway in Canada. Perhaps it is also some accommodation in that Koreans tend to prioritize immediate family over friends and others more, and maybe this seems 'selfish.'

Assuming you could separate the effects of aging, I think this would be something interesting to research.

[SeoulNate]

I'm way less volatile than I was back home. Part of that is surely being 7 years older, but part of it has also been the little frustrations that living in Korea brings. If I still exploded like I did back home I probably would have killed somewhere here by now.

[le-paul]

Something that I've seen/heard people talking about a lot, is how they feel they've moved apart from people back home.
There is almost an expectation by people when they return home, that they will be welcomed back into their family and friends routines without question.

As well, people may believe they will return as a kind of 'hero' who has been travelling the world.
What often happens though, is that even though living abroad is part of the same routine for us (especially if you have a family abroad), and usually we would have that in common - there are so many general/daily differences (where we eat, the weather, where we shop, etc.), that when we talk about them, people dont recognise them as being 'normal' rather that we are 'boasting' about our experiences and are disinterested by default.

It can be very dispiriting when people are not very interested in your life, so people can feel the need to move on again as they no-longer belong. I think this can make people feel a little restless but yet in the long term, crave for stability.