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Is being single selfish?
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Newbie



Joined: 07 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gravity Wins wrote:
Doug Stanhope's comedy bit on why not to have kids

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkgDhDa4HHo


Hahaa... what a loser that guy was. Glad he won't be passing on that miserable DNA.
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cam83



Joined: 27 Jan 2013
Location: Seoul, South Korea

PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Could you let me know what you THINK the drawbacks are?


I find myself having this discussion with my gf (she wants kids and I'm not too fussed atm).

My reasons for not really caring to want them are:

1. I think I would (and most ppl have) only want them as a selfish type of social project i.e I wonder what they'd look like. Would they be smart? I would dress them awesomely. A lot of the things boil down to them making me feel better.

2. I have nieces/nephew who I love but at the end of the day, they go back to their dad, which feels good bcos having to be responsible for another human for 18yrs, I look back at kids growing up in the 80's/90's (I was one of them), constantly making sure they are safe, not hanging around the wrong crowd, teaching them about life/social skills etc all of this falls into a legal responsibility and a lot of this depends on where you live/grow up and go to school.... which all depends on money.

3. Finances - if you don't have them you can't always provide a good enough surroundings for your kids. If you can't afford a nice place to live and end up in a rough area, chances are your school catchment area is full of similar kids with less opportunities/structure. In my case, we have a decent amount of money but would prefer to help my brother provide better opportunities for his kids than spend half a mil raising a couple of my own.

My gf and I will get married at some point but neither of us see any advantage to it atm... living in Korea isn't an issue for me (unless we did have kids then I'm gone after elementary school) and living in the UK doesn't make much difference.
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nicwr2002



Joined: 17 Aug 2011

PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cam83 wrote:
Quote:
Could you let me know what you THINK the drawbacks are?




My gf and I will get married at some point but neither of us see any advantage to it atm... living in Korea isn't an issue for me (unless we did have kids then I'm gone after elementary school) and living in the UK doesn't make much difference.


My wife said the same thing before we got married, but she changed her mind the closer she got to 30. We got married just a year ago, so be careful about her thinking now. My sister had a baby and started posting and sending me pics all the time, so that may have played a role in changing my wife's mind.
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pzebra



Joined: 12 May 2009

PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's a lot of unwanted kids in the world and not enough good nor wanting adults to take care of them. The most self-LESS thing I could think of is to adopt a kid.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank.
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pzebra



Joined: 12 May 2009

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stain wrote:
Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank.


Expand on how caring about all people is selfish please. =)
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DosEquisXX



Joined: 04 Nov 2009

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pzebra wrote:
Stain wrote:
Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank.


Expand on how caring about all people is selfish please. =)


Everything we do has a degree of self-interest involved. Even if the reward is immaterial, it is still a reward.

If anything, being married/in a relationship is completely selfish if you aren't 100% committed to making it work and loving your partner.
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The Cosmic Hum



Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space

PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stain wrote:
Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank.

Stain, it's ok that most people don't understand your insightful point. It is pretty complicated and, well...you did spell shelf wrong.
Of course, people tend to forget that books, and the knowledge stored in those books, are/were all kept on shelves of one kind or another.
Everything we learn and do is thanks to the combined knowledge of those who have gone before us.

Being shelfish is basically just admitting that others have contributed to your well-being and world view, but for a variety of reasons, you don't feel compelled to share those benefits with others.
Shelfishness is not necessarily a bad thing but it is good to share if/when we can.

Note: Not to be confused with shellfish.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 3:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Cosmic Hum wrote:
Stain wrote:
Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank.

Stain, it's ok that most people don't understand your insightful point. It is pretty complicated and, well...you did spell shelf wrong.
Of course, people tend to forget that books, and the knowledge stored in those books, are/were all kept on shelves of one kind or another.
Everything we learn and do is thanks to the combined knowledge of those who have gone before us.

Being shelfish is basically just admitting that others have contributed to your well-being and world view, but for a variety of reasons, you don't feel compelled to share those benefits with others.
Shelfishness is not necessarily a bad thing but it is good to share if/when we can.

Note: Not to be confused with shellfish.


Yeah, Cosmic, that's why I share the remarkable truths coming from my bookshelf and it's because I'm selfish, sorry shelfish. I get a certain reward for it, which is the feeling that people might associate an idea that's not mine with me and think that I'm clever for stating it even though I totally ripped it off. I guess that's the opposite of your point but you know I mean. In terms of caring for people, I was saying that it is through selfishness that we can care about anything or anybody at all. There must be a reward. I could go on in more detail about it but I haven't gotten that far in the book yet.
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