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Newbie
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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 Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hahaa... what a loser that guy was. Glad he won't be passing on that miserable DNA. |
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cam83
Joined: 27 Jan 2013
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Could you let me know what you THINK the drawbacks are? |
I find myself having this discussion with my gf (she wants kids and I'm not too fussed atm).
My reasons for not really caring to want them are:
1. I think I would (and most ppl have) only want them as a selfish type of social project i.e I wonder what they'd look like. Would they be smart? I would dress them awesomely. A lot of the things boil down to them making me feel better.
2. I have nieces/nephew who I love but at the end of the day, they go back to their dad, which feels good bcos having to be responsible for another human for 18yrs, I look back at kids growing up in the 80's/90's (I was one of them), constantly making sure they are safe, not hanging around the wrong crowd, teaching them about life/social skills etc all of this falls into a legal responsibility and a lot of this depends on where you live/grow up and go to school.... which all depends on money.
3. Finances - if you don't have them you can't always provide a good enough surroundings for your kids. If you can't afford a nice place to live and end up in a rough area, chances are your school catchment area is full of similar kids with less opportunities/structure. In my case, we have a decent amount of money but would prefer to help my brother provide better opportunities for his kids than spend half a mil raising a couple of my own.
My gf and I will get married at some point but neither of us see any advantage to it atm... living in Korea isn't an issue for me (unless we did have kids then I'm gone after elementary school) and living in the UK doesn't make much difference. |
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nicwr2002
Joined: 17 Aug 2011
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| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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| cam83 wrote: |
| Quote: |
| Could you let me know what you THINK the drawbacks are? |
My gf and I will get married at some point but neither of us see any advantage to it atm... living in Korea isn't an issue for me (unless we did have kids then I'm gone after elementary school) and living in the UK doesn't make much difference. |
My wife said the same thing before we got married, but she changed her mind the closer she got to 30. We got married just a year ago, so be careful about her thinking now. My sister had a baby and started posting and sending me pics all the time, so that may have played a role in changing my wife's mind. |
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pzebra
Joined: 12 May 2009
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:25 pm Post subject: |
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| There's a lot of unwanted kids in the world and not enough good nor wanting adults to take care of them. The most self-LESS thing I could think of is to adopt a kid. |
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Stain
Joined: 08 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:25 am Post subject: |
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| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
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pzebra
Joined: 12 May 2009
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:24 am Post subject: |
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| Stain wrote: |
| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
Expand on how caring about all people is selfish please. =) |
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DosEquisXX
Joined: 04 Nov 2009
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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| pzebra wrote: |
| Stain wrote: |
| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
Expand on how caring about all people is selfish please. =) |
Everything we do has a degree of self-interest involved. Even if the reward is immaterial, it is still a reward.
If anything, being married/in a relationship is completely selfish if you aren't 100% committed to making it work and loving your partner. |
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The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Stain wrote: |
| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
Stain, it's ok that most people don't understand your insightful point. It is pretty complicated and, well...you did spell shelf wrong.
Of course, people tend to forget that books, and the knowledge stored in those books, are/were all kept on shelves of one kind or another.
Everything we learn and do is thanks to the combined knowledge of those who have gone before us.
Being shelfish is basically just admitting that others have contributed to your well-being and world view, but for a variety of reasons, you don't feel compelled to share those benefits with others.
Shelfishness is not necessarily a bad thing but it is good to share if/when we can.
Note: Not to be confused with shellfish. |
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Stain
Joined: 08 Jan 2014
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| Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 3:30 am Post subject: |
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| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| Stain wrote: |
| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
Stain, it's ok that most people don't understand your insightful point. It is pretty complicated and, well...you did spell shelf wrong.
Of course, people tend to forget that books, and the knowledge stored in those books, are/were all kept on shelves of one kind or another.
Everything we learn and do is thanks to the combined knowledge of those who have gone before us.
Being shelfish is basically just admitting that others have contributed to your well-being and world view, but for a variety of reasons, you don't feel compelled to share those benefits with others.
Shelfishness is not necessarily a bad thing but it is good to share if/when we can.
Note: Not to be confused with shellfish. |
Yeah, Cosmic, that's why I share the remarkable truths coming from my bookshelf and it's because I'm selfish, sorry shelfish. I get a certain reward for it, which is the feeling that people might associate an idea that's not mine with me and think that I'm clever for stating it even though I totally ripped it off. I guess that's the opposite of your point but you know I mean. In terms of caring for people, I was saying that it is through selfishness that we can care about anything or anybody at all. There must be a reward. I could go on in more detail about it but I haven't gotten that far in the book yet. |
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earthquakez
Joined: 10 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 2:49 am Post subject: |
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| Stan Rogers wrote: |
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.
I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is. |
Ha, I just saw this when I was looking back at some threads that I hadn't read before.
Brits have an old saying, 'Handsome is as handsome does' meaning that looks don't count as much as doing the right thing by other people. My ol granny always said to her grandchildren, 'Selfish is as selfish does' meaning that your actions tell somebody how selfish or not you are.
A selfish person is a selfish person full stop. Getting married actually more often than not makes the situation worse as selfish people make fairly poor parents regardless of how affluent they may be. When selfishness is truly dysfunctional in couples it often results in cheating or neglect of children along with the general problem of selfish people in a relationship, married or not - this kind of person wants to be married/in a committed relationship and single too.
Single people who are in their 30s and up can be more responsible than that. As for the cheap jabs about supposed problems among single foreigners in Korea and tsk, tsk the Koreans find them strange too - do you really live in Korea? I ask that because Koreans mostly marry for image and for their parents although that is changing.
In my opinion it is the height of selfishness to marry a woman whom you intend to cheat on with your trips to prositututes on the company card and with your co-workers. That behaviour is still fairly common in Korea. It is the height of selfishness to keep paying for sex when you are married or engaged in Korea even if the practice is nodded and winked at by the male dominated society.
There is a fair bit of fallout from this custom including STDs transmitted to the female partner which are still not really discussed in the society. Koreans get married mostly because they are expected to - that is the custom but it doesn't make them less selfish than single foreigners who prefer to get hitched or be committed because they want to and are ready to commit.
Gay and bisexual men also get married at much higher rates in Korea than in western societies and no, they are not for the most honest about their secret lives to their wives and families. Koreans marry because they feel they have to for the most. They are no exemplar of how to think and act.
And if you feel threatened by homosexuality, yep I suppose you do worry about single people being gay or bi but for some of us straight people, other people's orientation is not an issue/ |
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The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
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| Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 5:14 am Post subject: |
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| Stain wrote: |
| I could go on in more detail about it but I haven't gotten that far in the book yet. |
How did that book work out for you?
Love to hear the insights...if you have the time.
Cheers |
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Plain Meaning
Joined: 18 Oct 2014
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| Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| DosEquisXX wrote: |
| pzebra wrote: |
| Stain wrote: |
| Nothing is done without selfishness. If you care about only one person or if you care about all people in the world, you have selfishness to thank. |
Expand on how caring about all people is selfish please. =) |
Everything we do has a degree of self-interest involved. Even if the reward is immaterial, it is still a reward.
If anything, being married/in a relationship is completely selfish if you aren't 100% committed to making it work and loving your partner. |
So: Everything has a degree of self-interest, but a relationship is either completely selfish or 100% committed to loving your partner.
No. |
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catman
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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So if I am single in my late 30's I must have "problems".
Then isn't it better for society that I stay single?  |
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tiger fancini
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Location: Testicles for Eyes
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| Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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| catman wrote: |
So if I am single in my late 30's I must have "problems".
Then isn't it better for society that I stay single? |
Because of course, people all around the world who are in their late 30s and also married are totally problem-free  |
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EZE
Joined: 05 May 2012
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| Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:57 am Post subject: |
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| tiger fancini wrote: |
| catman wrote: |
So if I am single in my late 30's I must have "problems".
Then isn't it better for society that I stay single? |
Because of course, people all around the world who are in their late 30s and also married are totally problem-free |
That's really the only negative about dating married women, having to listen about their marital problems. "Sean never listens to me." "Sean has a premature ejaculation issue." "My younger daughter has a thin body like mine, but my older daughter is big boned like Sean and I don't know what to do." "Five years ago, Sean bought me a round engagement ring instead of a square one." And so on and so forth. Married guys don't have a proper appreciation of how much we have to hear about their problems. They really need to get it together. |
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