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Mixed-Race Koreans
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Circus Monkey



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: In my coconut tree

PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2003 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scott in HK wrote:
My daughter spent four months in Korea last summer, as my wife had gone home to have our second daughter. I was there for the last month. My daughter was completely accepted by the kids on the street. In fact, they would come calling to see if she would come out to play.

In the parks, we met tons of kids and mothers...the kids asked polite questions to my wife and played happily with my daughter. Now, this doesn't prove that we might not have problems later on. My daughter is only 2. But we have had no bad experiences yet and will deal with them when they come. I think the benefit of our daughters knowing their extended korean family should outweigh any problems we have. But I will admit, if it does become a real problem, we will be heading home earlier than expected.

Lastly, I don't like the implication that those of us who are choosing to stay are making a poor parenting decision.


I can see that your last sentence may be directed at me. You are free to do as you wish Scott for the good of your family, just as I am free to do with mine. Personally, I am alarmed at some of the parenting practices I find here along with the general attitude towards "mixed" children. Hence why I am taking the appropriate steps that my wife and I deem the best. Would it be better in Canada? They do seem more favorable.

For some reason, I still recall the remarks that one poster made after he found out that I had a "mixed" child. He said something like "Well, you should have known what you were getting yourself into by having a mixed kid" to which I replied, "Ignorant little man! I did not marry my Korean wife nor have a "mixed" child to make some kind of political statement nor to somehow bring about change within Korea. I married my wife out of love and we had a child for the same reason. The consequences of such actions we are fully prepared to deal with and reserve the right to make whatever decision we feel best for the welfare of the family."
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kimcheeking
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2003 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Circus Monkey wrote:
For some reason, I still recall the remarks that one poster made after he found out that I had a "mixed" child. He said something like "Well, you should have known what you were getting yourself into by having a mixed kid" to which I replied, "Ignorant little man! I did not marry my Korean wife nor have a "mixed" child to make some kind of political statement nor to somehow bring about change within Korea. I married my wife out of love and we had a child for the same reason. The consequences of such actions we are fully prepared to deal with and reserve the right to make whatever decision we feel best for the welfare of the family."

Well said. I can't believe someone would say that about having a child in a mixed relationship - some ppl are bloody ignorant.
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little mixed girl



Joined: 11 Jun 2003
Location: shin hyesung's bed~

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kimcheeking wrote:

got a publisher for it? or ISBN number? sounds interesting

opps, mixed up the title.
it's called "what are you?: voiced of mixed-race young people"
by pearl fuyo gaskins
here's the amazon.com link-
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0805059687/103-9026345-2405408?v=glance
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little mixed girl



Joined: 11 Jun 2003
Location: shin hyesung's bed~

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

.....

Last edited by little mixed girl on Fri May 09, 2008 6:45 am; edited 1 time in total
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Scott in HK



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: now in Incheon..haven't changed my name yet

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 3:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Circus Monkey wrote

Quote:
I can see that your last sentence may be directed at me. You are free to do as you wish Scott for the good of your family, just as I am free to do with mine.



Of course you are. But when you make your decision don't imply that anyone who makes a different one is wrong.

Quote:
Speaking from personal experience I can tell you this; we will be leaving as soon as possible. The "life" in Korea for our "mixed" child is something we would rather avoid.

In other words, why would someone wilingly subject their child to idiocy when you have the power to change it?


Basically you are accusing all who stay of subjecting their children to idiocy which I would guess would be a bad parenting decision. You can be alarmed at the parenting practices you see. But the practices you have seen in Korea have nothing to do with me.

Giving your opinion is fine. If you turn it into a judgement (we must be bad parents to stay) then I think you are making a mistake.
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Jensen



Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Location: hippie hell

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 5:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

little mixed girl wrote:
...well, i kno a few ppl who are korean/white who liked living in korea a lot more than the states...


These were people who grew up in Korea, or were they raised elsewhere and then visited? Either way, I'm curious how they fit in and what they liked or disliked about the experience.
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Corporal



Joined: 25 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scott in HK wrote:
Basically you are accusing all who stay of subjecting their children to idiocy which I would guess would be a bad parenting decision.


I thought that too, and it's not the first time such a sentiment has been expressed on these boards.
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Circus Monkey



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: In my coconut tree

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scott in HK wrote:



CM wrote:
Speaking from personal experience I can tell you this; we will be leaving as soon as possible. The "life" in Korea for our "mixed" child is something we would rather avoid.

In other words, why would someone wilingly subject their child to idiocy when you have the power to change it?


Basically you are accusing all who stay of subjecting their children to idiocy which I would guess would be a bad parenting decision. You can be alarmed at the parenting practices you see. But the practices you have seen in Korea have nothing to do with me.

Giving your opinion is fine. If you turn it into a judgement (we must be bad parents to stay) then I think you are making a mistake.


Again Scott, it's my opinion based on personal experience. So what's the problem?
CM


Last edited by Circus Monkey on Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Circus Monkey



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: In my coconut tree

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

little mixed girl wrote:
Circus Monkey wrote:

Hmmm. Why is it when people are relating their opinion someone always has to pop in and say, "Yeah, well. Life in the states is not better, blah blah blah." Guess what? Many of us know that, but the chances of negative experiences for mixed children are greater here in Korea.

I'll take my chances over in Canada with my family rather than stay here.

CM

well, i kno a few ppl who are korean/white who liked living in korea a lot more than the states. they didn't seem to have any troubles when they were there.
i kno other korean/white ppl who just hated korea.
i mean there's no set way for how someone is gonna take whatever.
but ppl shouldn't think that just cuz they are in the states everyone is gonna be all open-minded and whatever.
i'm just saying~


That's nice. I know a few people here, both white and Korean who like it here and some who don't. I'm sure the same goes for the States or Canada. Big deal.

I'm basing my comments on my own observations and from comments that others have shared. Face it. Korea is not exactly the most welcoming of nations to outsiders. Canada and the USA are. They have the history to prove it.
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Scott in HK



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: now in Incheon..haven't changed my name yet

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The problem is that you are calling me a bad parent. Indirectly you are questioning my decision to raise my children in Korea. You say 'why would anyone' which implies that those who do are wrong.

My problem is your making a judgement about how I raise my child.

Your post basically says only people who didn't want the best for their children would raise them in Korea. That if we loved our children, we would not raise them in Korea. That might be true for you and your family. But I believe that I am doing the best thing for my daughter and don't need you telling me that it is the wrong thing to do.

That is my problem.
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Circus Monkey



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: In my coconut tree

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For Murphy's sake Scott, I said it was an opinion. You're the one thinking that I'm passing judgement on you. Go up and read it over again and get a grip.

CM
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Scott in HK



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: now in Incheon..haven't changed my name yet

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monkey...you read it over and see if you can see where it crossed from an opinion to a judgement. It shouldn't be too hard.

and if you didn't want a response....why did you ask me a question...
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Circus Monkey



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: In my coconut tree

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scott in HK wrote:
Monkey...you read it over and see if you can see where it crossed from an opinion to a judgement. It shouldn't be too hard.


Scott,

I most certainly read over my post. Let me clarify:

I am alarmed at some of the child-rearing practices here. This I term "idiocy". Raising a child here in Korea exposes them to various forms of idiocy.

"Opinion"
1. Unproven belief
2. View held as probable
3. What one thinks about something

"Judgement"
1. critical faculty; discernment
2. good sense
3. opinion or estimate

So Scott, since a dictionary itself is a circular mechanism by which one would hopefully understand another word by cross-referencing, I guess you got me. Rolling Eyes

If I said you you, "In my judgement you are a moron raising your children in Korea because of X,Y, and Z" then I can understand your anger. You would be thinking, "Hey, who are you to tell me what to do."

But I didn't. I merely wondered why someone would live in Korea and raise children - if they had other available choices and if they are able to take advantage of better opportunities.

Here, using "better" is my opinion. In my opinion, I think the opportunities in Canada are more than Korea but that is unproven. In my opinion, Canada treats children of mixed races better than in Korea but then of course we have anecdotal evidence amply supplied by the "sayings" of little mixed girl. I don't know your situation. If you want to raise your kids here, then by all means, do so. In my opinion, I would rather raise my kids in Canada.

I'm not going to waste any further time explaining my opinion to you. Understand it for what it is - an opinion.

CM
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Corporal



Joined: 25 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CM, your "opinion" was a little too generally worded. You indicated that it is inevitable that a mixed-race child growing up in Korea will be subjected to idiocy. You implied that the idiocy they would experience would be so great and constant as to make any thinking parent take their child out of Korea as soon as possible. That is the sentiment I (and I think Scott in HK) am objecting to. Who's to say our experience won't be perfectly positive? Why condemn all Koreans, when some are quite okay with the idea of mixed children.
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Jensen



Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Location: hippie hell

PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of course there's lots of foolishness in the states too, but race-oriented stupidity is accepted as reasonable by many, many, Koreans. Concerns about image, social standing, and conventions in Korea combine to form a mob-rule mentality I particularly dislike to see applied to or assimilated by children.

I'm probably in too far to play ref at this point, but I think this disagreement could largely be a matter of what types of idiocy different parents find particularly offensive, as there are many varieties and plenty to go around the whole world over.

I like it that a lot of people on this forum don't *beep*-foot...I mean "walk with kitten feet"...around an issue. A few are consistently rude and narcistic but other than that I think it's better to slap the roughly-formed opinionated statements down on the table and expect people to have a thick skin. I'll probably live to regret those words when someone eats one of my sacred cows, but that's ok, candid expression is what it's all about and I'd rather hear frankness than careful, polite middle-ground suggestions.

And anyone who doesn't agree with me on this is a big dummy and should have their kids put in foster homes. Wink
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