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Why such marked unfriendliness here and in person?
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PerryMason



Joined: 01 Oct 2003

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 8:31 pm    Post subject: Why such marked unfriendliness here and in person? Reply with quote

Hello. I am perplexed as to why some folks here at this board, and in person, are so unfriendly, and sometimes downright rude.

It is really a sad statement of truth about the Korean board and some of the individuals that teach in Korea.

It has been my experience that the most racist and intolerant persons are not Koreans, but some persons who post here at the Korean forum and teach English in Korea.

I sincerely wish that more people would please read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". It is a simple matter to smile and be polite, whether in person, or via the Internet.

Perhaps if one took a more pleasant attitude, one's stay in Korea would be more enjoyable.

This is my opinion, of which I'm entitled, and opinions are like elbows, everyone has two.

Good day to all.
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ratslash



Joined: 08 May 2003

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

exactly one of my points that i have made since i have been in korea.

when i first arrived, i used to try and acknowledge other westerners in the street. either a smile, nod of the head or an hello. after being ignored by 99.99% of the foreigners i tried to acknowledge i have now completely given up and only acknowledge other westerners if they acknowledge me first.

unfortunately, especially in seoul, the unfriendliness and cliqueness between foreigners is all part of being here.

pretty sad and pathetic. it doesn't take your life to say 'hi' to someone in the street.
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kiwiboy_nz_99



Joined: 05 Jul 2003
Location: ...Enlightenment...

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agreed that people are unfriendly on the board, myself included, part of the nature of the thing. It's not meant to be a facsimile of real socialising in my view, but I place to flex ideas, argue, and vent about Korea. But it's also a great place to find out where to buty sour cream or big sized work-shirts, and what to do if your boss breaks your contract, it's also a good place to crack a few jokes, and feel a sense of community with people who may or may not have different politics or philosophy, but by the very fact that they post here and not elsewhere (unmoderated places) tend to be a bit more refined, eloquent, informed or what have you.

I'm not so sure about unfriendliness in real life, have you met posters in real and found them unfriendly? Or are you talking about just random westerners. I too have found westerners in Seoul to be quite cold and unnaproachable. I don't know why. I know westerners are not like this everywhere, so I have to presume it's something about the environment and conditions, perhaps coupled with the type of people who choose to come here.

However, I have used the board to meet some great guys that I continue to see. And you would be welcome to come out for a bash if so inclined ( not sure if you are in Seoul or not ).
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The Lemon



Joined: 11 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 9:08 pm    Post subject: Re: Why such marked unfriendliness here and in person? Reply with quote

PerryMason wrote:
Hello. I am perplexed as to why some folks here at this board, and in person, are so unfriendly, and sometimes downright rude.


Have any of the posters here been rude to you in the 5 posts you've made since you've joined?


Quote:
It has been my experience that the most racist and intolerant persons are not Koreans, but some persons who post here at the Korean forum and teach English in Korea.


Are you actually in Korea?
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Harpeau



Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Location: In Hannam-dong, Seoul.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 9:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Why such marked unfriendliness here and in person? Reply with quote

PerryMason wrote:
Hello. I am perplexed as to why some folks here at this board, and in person, are so unfriendly, and sometimes downright rude.


I hear you, but I don't agree with you. A few things to keep in mind:

The "We foreigners here have to stay together" is a load of crock IMHO.

My mother taught me not to talk to strangers. I may smile at you, and maybe I'll offer to give you directions if your lost, but don't expect much from me if you see me walking down the street because you probably won't get it.

Also, I don't need a friend. I have many. I have a few here and they demand much from me and I demand much from them.

Don't take it the wrong way. It's just that maybe people shouldn't treat you like a rock superstar just because of your skin color.

Also, some of the friendliest people I've met have been via the Dave's Yellow Bar nights. I've never seen any fights break out or people being complete jerks. Maybe you could give us an exmple or something.

Quote:

I sincerely wish that more people would please read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". It is a simple matter to smile and be polite, whether in person, or via the Internet.

This is my opinion, of which I'm entitled, and opinions are like elbows, everyone has two.

Good day to all.


I'm reading it. Good book, but again you're talking about strangers. Remember, that most of the feelings that we get from the Internet may be our own projections. I'm not angry with you, I just dissagree with you- and that's fine. Don't take the board so seriously. Try and have fun and do what you want, but remember, you cannot control people.

Cheers!
Harpeau[/b]
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PerryMason



Joined: 01 Oct 2003

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Howdy y'all. Please excuse me. I need to practice what I preach and be more friendly too.

Yes, I wish that I had found Dave's ESL cafe sooner. It's a great wealth of information, and I'm thankful that there are so many helpful posters here.

I apologize for my rant, and yes, this forum is a nice place to vent.

Good day!
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FierceInvalid



Joined: 16 Mar 2003

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I sincerely wish that more people would please read Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people". It is a simple matter to smile and be polite, whether in person, or via the Internet.


Some good general advice, but just to keep the numbers even I would like to recommend that nobody, ever, read self-help books.
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jaderedux



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: Lurking outside Seoul

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Also, I don't need a friend. I have many. I have a few here and they demand much from me and I demand much from them.


Again and again I have said this......I don't want to be anyone's very special friend....have dinner.....or marry you or become best life time buds...but what the heck is wrong with acknowledgement of a smile or a nod. Sheesh do you live in such a rarifed atmosphere that you can't afford to smile or give someone a quick nod.

That being said I do this in the states too. But I was raised in a small town and well the idiots and hayseeds that we are, we think it is polite to acknowledge someone if you make eye contact or they acknowledge you.

Lots of people here just are being nice....god forbid. I can't believe all this crap.....Why should I acknowledge you....I don't want to know you...I don't need any new friends......Jeeeeesus.....who the heck said I wanted to be your friend. Man oh man sounds like a pretty exclusive club....think I will pass I like mixing up with the little folks who go around randomly smiling at passing strangers.....HOOORAY FOR THE HICKS!!!!!!

I will continue to smile, nod at anyone who happens to make eye contact. I promise to try not to tackle you and insist you speak to me and beg you to be my friend.

Sorry if this sounds a little biatchy but sheesh...I get so tired of reading about expats who seem to think they are too good to acknowledge the exsistence of other people. Some of the people are just getting here and a little unsure of themselves and a nice smile or nod can be reassuring and comforting...of course god forbid you extend yourself a bit and show a little random kindness..,.... Rolling Eyes

Miss Manners is officially done lecturing.

Jade
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kiwiboy_nz_99



Joined: 05 Jul 2003
Location: ...Enlightenment...

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I don't want to be anyone's very special friend....have dinner.....or marry you or become best life time buds

Why not? I was just about to propose!
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Sloth



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Here

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 12:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Though I do think I am too good for the lot of you, I do nod or smile to foreigners I meet on the street. Razz
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William Beckerson
Guest




PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

jaderedux wrote:
hayseeds that we are, we think it is polite to acknowledge someone if you make eye contact or they acknowledge you.

Way to tell 'em, cousin Jade. Let's get in the General Lee and go see what Cooter has to say about it.

Seriously though, I never initiate contact with strangers unless they contact me first, or if they look lost or need help. I dont consider saying hello to a passing stranger nessecary, especially not because they are white.
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kiwiboy_nz_99



Joined: 05 Jul 2003
Location: ...Enlightenment...

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 12:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Seriously though, I never initiate contact with strangers unless they contact me first

That's just common sense when using an "alternative" personals service.
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just because



Joined: 01 Aug 2003
Location: Changwon - 4964

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll give an acknowlegement or how are going mate but the way i look at it is this. In Australia i don't say hello to random people on the street. I know we are in Korea and they are foreigners and we should stick together, blah blah but they are random people and some of the teachers I have met here, if I knew them I wouldn't say hello.
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rapier



Joined: 16 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There were a couple of westerners on my visa run. but i have to say I didn't bother acknowledging them. Why? because I've been there done that. my first 6 months in k I was very outgoing and warm to any foreigner i came across. It was hardly a rewarding experience. In any case, i'm more interested in hanging out with korean women nowadays. I can't see how hanging out with newbie westerners is going to enhance my life at all.
However, chatting to other waygooks from a safe distance on this chatboard rocks!
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Tancred



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Upon a mountain in unknown Kadath

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

For the record, outside of Seoul I always go out of my way to say Hi to a foreigner...and i'd say about 90% of the time i receive a guardedly suspicious Hello in return. I don't really care to be honest...it usually amuses me to see people squirm in discomfort over so trivial a thing...but i know what you mean, OP.
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