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So Funny! A rant on coffee in Seoul! F-Coffee Bean

 
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Whatisdokdo



Joined: 05 Apr 2010

PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 7:52 pm    Post subject: So Funny! A rant on coffee in Seoul! F-Coffee Bean Reply with quote

Via this website: Pretty darn Hilarious. I almost fell off my chair.
http://www.seouleats.com/2010/04/damn-you-coffee-bean-tea-leaf-give-me.html

I am quite hungover today and all that I wanted was a tall coffee with a shot of espresso (called a Red Eye), but I was refused at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Refused! Boo. Also, while I'm the topic, listen up Korea, Coffee is a right and not some foofoo luxury item that you can charge a fortune for. And all of you boutique little roasters charging 20,000 won for a little bag (8oz) of coffee; I hope you all go out of business. All you little roasters suck balls [Oh, except for one in Bucheon (I heart you)], because often the coffee you serve comes like a tea cup and has the same hue. Coffee belongs in a mug! A huge mug. You need to be able to grip your whole fist around the handle. But the rest of you need to curl up into a hole and shoot yourself.

By-the-way, I hate the current trend of coffee shops popping up everywhere. I lost one of my favorite little Korean restaurants to a no-name wannabe Starbucks. F-that!

All the little Mom and Pop coffee shops all serve coffee that they buy from Costco and most of them don't know how to properly brew a shot of espresso! Oh, and if any of you jerkfaces try to give me a shot of espresso that you have had leftover from an hour ago will suffer the wrath of Dan. I will smite you by beating you with the portafilter and gauge your eyes out with the milk thermometer.

And Dunkin Donuts, I hate you as well. I don't know who made the policy to add hot water to a cup of coffee as you are handing it to me, but that has to stop. The last person that tried to do that I almost had to throw my donut at her head to stop her. Next time, I will throw it (since your donuts are hard like rocks anyway, it'll probably hurt her). Dunkin Donut's, I'm happy to wait for you to brew a fresh pot. Do not, I repeat, Do not! add water to my coffee.


Oh, back to Coffee Bean, how can you sell an 8oz bag of roasted coffee for 17,000 won? Please, I can get a bag 3 times that size in the USA for 12 dollars. I know you're trying to seem more premium than Starbucks, but whatever, your coffee isn't that luxurious.


Oh and Starbucks. Starbucks...Well, I'm there so often that I can't really complain too, too much. Oh, wait...yes, I can. When you brew a pot of coffee, wait until the pot has finished brewing before you serve it. If not, the first cup is just like thick mud that can cause a stomach ulcer and the last cup is just like water. Oh, and Starbucks, bring the instant coffee mix that you have in the states. I actually like it.

Oh, I did find good coffee in bags at the Donut Plant. There you can get bags of roasted beans for 12,000 won. Still too expensive, but it's good for Korea and they have good coffee.

Sincerely,

The Happy Lunatic
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Bloopity Bloop



Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Location: Seoul yo

PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't sleep enough last night and even though I really had to take a piss, I didn't want to get out of bed when I woke up. I just laid there among my mass of floral blankets and pillows with a painful grimace on my face. I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT GLASS OF MILK LAST NIGHT! After 10 minutes, I couldn't take the pain any longer and stumbled to the john. When I let the dam open, I yelled, "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOMMMM!" with my hands raised. Upon looking back at my overly yellow river (my life is in dire need of more water), I noticed that it had meandered into undesired places. DANGIT. The realization that I'd have to clean my bathroom for the first time in 8 months hit me like my dad back in '97 (REALLY HARD). But looking at the clock, I realized I only had about 15 minutes before I'd have to leave for work. My boss hates when I'm late, and especially when I'm really late.

So I left that piss where it fell like acid rain in what I like to call my Golden Shower Room. I have Chinese blood in me so I have to use words like golden, jade, or grand to describe everything I own. Shower 'cause I take showers and other regular s*** in there. I s*** there too. My officetel's probably gonna be rancid when I get back from work. Whatever.

So I left for work and passed by a Dunkin Donuts, WHICH I LOVE. Especially when they pour that hot water into my coffee at the very last moment. One time, they pretened like they weren't going to do it so I put my best sad expression on--it looks really sad. If you cried during Grave of the Fireflies, wait 'til you saw my face that day. Then they were like, "OH you know we wouldn't forget your hot water." and I was like, "You got me... NOW GIMME THAT BAG OF COFFEE. I'll pay whatever the price to have my double D coffee fix in the mornings. All I want you to do is to be there and pour hot water." So I bought the bag and was on my way. With 20k won out of my pocket, I felt lighter, more agile. I felt like a new man. I had a new outlook on life.

Some people don't make 20k won in a month. Some people don't even know what 20k won IS. That means that those people wouldn't be able to buy a 20k won bag of coffee at Dunkin. So I took that bag and shared it with the masses--and by masses I mean my kids at school. I work at an elementary school and my students were saying all this stuff like, "Teacher, what are they beans you're sprinkling all over the place?" I said, "Haven't you ever heard of Jack and the Bean Stalk? Don't you wanna see some giants that happen to live in the fluffy clouds at the top of said bean stalk?! LEMME SPRINKLE THEM BEANS WHEREVER I PLEASE." Some of the smarter students were already brewing them and kickin' back drinking that fine brown elixir some would call coffee. Others call it other things that I won't mention at this time.

My boss came out and got in my face about what I was doing. He was saying something about me missing my classes and not teaching. But remember that I was a new man. My old life meant nothing anymore. Sure, I'd smell the piss I'd left in my Golden Shower Room earlier in the day but whatever. Okay?

There's this one kid at my school, kid looks like that cat Rain when he was a baby. I've never seen Rain's baby pictures, but if I ever did, I'd probably confuse them with my student at his current age. With the exception of his head, he is much smaller than all his peers. When he sees me, he's always trying to fight me but I say CHILL BABY RAIN! At that point, he's usually got one of his tiny, balled-up fists through my defenses, and at his height, they usually end up making contact with little me. Shoot.

Don't even get me started on the Bucks. Frappucinos man...
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AsiaESLbound



Joined: 07 Jan 2010
Location: Truck Stop Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's Starbucks and then there's all these other good looking charming coffee shops just serving up tasteless over priced swill.
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kiknkorea



Joined: 16 May 2008

PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AsiaESLbound wrote:
There's Starbucks and all these other good looking charming coffee shops just serving up tasteless over priced swill.

Fixed.
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fortysixyou



Joined: 08 Jun 2006

PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a french press at home. I buy coffee at E-mart, 1 kg for 24,000, and then I use the french press to make delicious cups of coffee.

It's divine...and ever so much cheaper than Starbucks et al.
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essyanthology



Joined: 23 Feb 2010

PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also use a french press to make coffee. I took a chance on some Tesco brand coffee I bought at Homeplus (227 g for 6,500 - good sized bag), the Italian roast, and I have to say I'm pleasantly suprised at how decent it is. The Tesco brand also had a few other kinds of beans as well. It's worth checking out if you have HP by you.
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Illysook



Joined: 30 Jun 2008

PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm totally with you on the coffee rants...I shouldn't even start, but...

HEY KOREA!!!

I DID NOT ASK FOR CINNAMON ON MY CAPPUCINO AND IT IS NOT A GOOD DECORATION!!!

(It changes the flavor)
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ThingsComeAround



Joined: 07 Nov 2008

PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why can't Starbucks make a decent hot choco?

It gives me a high whenever I drink it... not in a good way
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tiger fancini



Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Location: Testicles for Eyes

PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best coffee in Seoul/Korea is the 300won vending machine milk coffee. Cheap and cheerful, available 24/7 and no wanky coffee shop staff or patrons to deal with.
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kyopoopa



Joined: 28 Feb 2010
Location: west coast

PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is there a Trader Joe's in SK?
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The Gipkik



Joined: 30 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Illysook wrote:
I'm totally with you on the coffee rants...I shouldn't even start, but...

HEY KOREA!!!

I DID NOT ASK FOR CINNAMON ON MY CAPPUCINO AND IT IS NOT A GOOD DECORATION!!!

(It changes the flavor)


I totally agree with the OP's rant. Dunkin Donuts coffee is weak and insipid. No true coffee lover could disagree. And Coffee Bean is probably THE most expensive coffee shop in town. But here's something I discovered: there are some roti franchises that make a very decent cup of joe for only 2,800 Won--a cappa that is--which is almost half the price and still the same size as Coffee Bean. Furthermore, Holly's Coffee shop, a franchise in town, does ask you if you want cinnamon, so there is an alternative. I am starting to discover some good coffee in Seoul, but for some bizarre reason, it is usually at small, inconspicuous shops. I guess the moral of the story is, like usual, get off the beaten track or, in this case the popular name brand track.
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Seoul'n'Corea



Joined: 06 Nov 2008

PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Gipkik wrote:
Illysook wrote:
I'm totally with you on the coffee rants...I shouldn't even start, but...

HEY KOREA!!!

I DID NOT ASK FOR CINNAMON ON MY CAPPUCINO AND IT IS NOT A GOOD DECORATION!!!

(It changes the flavor)


I totally agree with the OP's rant. Dunkin Donuts coffee is weak and insipid. No true coffee lover could disagree. And Coffee Bean is probably THE most expensive coffee shop in town. But here's something I discovered: there are some roti franchises that make a very decent cup of joe for only 2,800 Won--a cappa that is--which is almost half the price and still the same size as Coffee Bean. Furthermore, Holly's Coffee shop, a franchise in town, does ask you if you want cinnamon, so there is an alternative. I am starting to discover some good coffee in Seoul, but for some bizarre reason, it is usually at small, inconspicuous shops. I guess the moral of the story is, like usual, get off the beaten track or, in this case the popular name brand track.



Hands down the best coffee in Korea is located in Gyeonggi-do.
Go-dang, The old place, is a traditional korean hanok converted into the FINEST cafés I have ever been to. They even have live jazz! Godang is located in Pardang and you have to transfer to the bus once you get to the station.

Simply put this is the BEST coffee! it is expensive.

/http://www.godangcoffee.com
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ThingsComeAround



Joined: 07 Nov 2008

PostPosted: Sun Apr 11, 2010 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

May I recommend

http://gomdabang.tistory.com/

It is in Hongdae near the park- kind of off the beaten track in an alley.

decent strong coffee for 5,000. Refills 1,000

Not much room for sitting, though Embarassed
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Illysook



Joined: 30 Jun 2008

PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I ALSO DID NOT ASK FOR SUGAR!!!!
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Whatisdokdo



Joined: 05 Apr 2010

PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 5:05 pm    Post subject: Hahah Reply with quote

Yeah, what's up with the sugar and the cinnamon. I want my coffee black and strong!

Dan
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