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Psycho Wants Divorce, We Have a Kid...
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JustinC



Joined: 10 Mar 2012
Location: We Are The World!

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see things have gotten a bit better, Nolos. I hope they continue to be better for all three of you.

Sorry if this is harsh, but it's just from your posts and I'm not trying to point fingers or anything. You said you've not been giving her (or the kid) enough attention, haven't tried to learn...

Ach, you already know what I'm gonna post. Looks like you've been given a wake up call. Won't be the first or the last, that's for sure!
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos, I will chime in and say that if you do stay in Korea, learning some Korean becomes important, doubly so for you since your in laws are Korean.

did you ever consider that your wife may be tired of being a human translator when you guys are with her family, friends or even out? It can get tiring at times! Also, she must feel the burden of you not being linguistically autonomous in the sense of hesitating to leave you alone with your child in case you get in a bad spot and cannot communicate with the locals?

Maybe that generated some frustration for her? I think.

As for giving her attention, that is a highly subjective issue but now that you have a child and that she is likely the primary care giver, perhaps she needs more help from you?

Just some thoughts as a married guy with 2 kids here...
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Nolos



Joined: 23 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 8:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guys I know Korean. I can have simple conversations. I can't however talk about politics or things of that nature. I speak about the same as decent grade 5 kids do English. Not great, but simple and can get around town with that level just fine. Please don't turn this into "learn Korean thread." I know I should, but I work 2 jobs and as you know by now have a kid. Please tell me where I can find the time between helping out with the baby and sleeping?
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hellofaniceguy



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not taking away from the OP...but...ALWAYS...two sides to every story....and hers will not agree with yours....chances are in her favor that you will get squat in a divorce...it's her home turf....
more to this story than what you are letting on...and I hope it works out best for the baby....
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JustinC



Joined: 10 Mar 2012
Location: We Are The World!

PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have sleep when there's a baby in the house. Did you not get the email about that?
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 4:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
Guys I know Korean. I can have simple conversations. I can't however talk about politics or things of that nature. I speak about the same as decent grade 5 kids do English. Not great, but simple and can get around town with that level just fine. Please don't turn this into "learn Korean thread." I know I should, but I work 2 jobs and as you know by now have a kid. Please tell me where I can find the time between helping out with the baby and sleeping?


Well your situation is challenging (welcome to parenthood man!). Still, like niceguy just said, there always are two sides to each story and we only have yours here...

If like you say your korean is at a grade 5 kid level, it can be a basic tool to get around but perhaps your wife would like for you to learn more? No idea.

As for helping out, you can get up at night and change a diaper or two (when possible), on the days off, spend more time with them, perhaps taking the baby for a walk so your wife can rest by herself?

However, we have such limited information about this situation that it is hard to provide accurate advice!
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kimchi_pizza



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Location: "Get back on the bus! Here it comes!"

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
kimchi_pizza wrote:
You call the mother of your child a 'psycho' on an 'anonymous' online forum an ask for guideance which in reality, you're hoping for symapathy. Wait....let me check...nope, none there....let's see....nope, none there. Sorry, no sympathy or guidance. I wonder if it's any wonder she's a 'wack-job'....if she's so terrible, you're the genius that married her.
YOU figure it out.

Lol at your pathetic attempt to make me feel bad. Psycho is just how she was acting at the time, sorry if you took offense to the term.

Anyway-


I'm good. I take no offense what-so-ever. It's YOUR wife and child and life. Own up, take control and you'll be ok. Good luck.
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fosterman



Joined: 16 Nov 2011

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
Guys I know Korean. I can have simple conversations. I can't however talk about politics or things of that nature. I speak about the same as decent grade 5 kids do English. Not great, but simple and can get around town with that level just fine. Please don't turn this into "learn Korean thread." I know I should, but I work 2 jobs and as you know by now have a kid. Please tell me where I can find the time between helping out with the baby and sleeping?


sounds like to me, you guys haven't been married long, these arguments and these childish tantrums will be more frequent mate! especially when the child gets older and you guys will have very different opinions on how to raise it.

learning Korean or knowing Korean makes no difference in a marriage!
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

fosterman wrote:
Nolos wrote:
Guys I know Korean. I can have simple conversations. I can't however talk about politics or things of that nature. I speak about the same as decent grade 5 kids do English. Not great, but simple and can get around town with that level just fine. Please don't turn this into "learn Korean thread." I know I should, but I work 2 jobs and as you know by now have a kid. Please tell me where I can find the time between helping out with the baby and sleeping?


sounds like to me, you guys haven't been married long, these arguments and these childish tantrums will be more frequent mate! especially when the child gets older and you guys will have very different opinions on how to raise it.

learning Korean or knowing Korean makes no difference in a marriage!


Actually it can make a significant difference....
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Adventurer



Joined: 28 Jan 2006

PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 5:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nolos wrote:
fustiancorduroy wrote:
Nolos wrote:

You aren't being harsh, don't worry. But let me explain a couple things:

1: My wife doesn't care about money. In fact she makes a little more than I do. So we do just fine financially in Korea. No problem there.

2: Why would I have to learn Korean and how would that make our lives better? I could never learn enough Korean to be as good as she can speak English even as far back as 5-10 years ago probably. We can communicate perfectly well in English so I see no need other to communicate with her mother better to learn the language.


I am happy that you have been able to work things out with your wife, but I do want to comment on learning Korean. I think if you intend on staying in Korea long term, you should learn more Korean. Yes, your wife probably does speak English well, but her family does not. And what about the people you interact with on a daily basis? Does your landlord speak English? Does the gas company repairman? Does the insurance company representative? And what about the teachers when your child starts school? In most of these cases, though not necessarily all, the answer is probably no. I don't know about your wife, but my wife, who is also Korean, expects me to be able to handle at least some of these situations myself rather than always rely on her, and to do that I need to speak Korean. Korea is a very male dominated society and, like it or not, having your wife do all the talking in these situations while you hang back and understand little of what is being said increases the chances of you being put in vulnerable positions and being taken advantage of.

In summary, if you leave Korea, then you don't need to learn much more Korean. But if you do stay, it would strongly be to your advantage to learn as much Korean as possible, not necessarily to communicate with your wife, but to help her live a better, more secure life. Just ask any of the long-term guys on here, those who've been married 10 years or more. Nearly all of them speak at least intermediate level Korean or above.

Fair enough.



You know I bust my tail to learn Korean, and it has tremendously improved my connexions with the locals. It would help you get in better graces with your in-laws and maybe your wife. She might see as a compliment. I cannot judge your situation, and some rushed to judge your situation.

You chose your wife that you call psycho. I know you called her psycho because you say she has been abusive. Do what you can to bring out the positive in her; you can do it. You have admitted that you use the internet a lot. Do things to bond with her.
Surprise her. Make an agreement to only have a certain amount of alone time, and that you will be with your family most of the time. If you're on the internet hours on end, she will feel unimportant. I know I would feel that way if I had a mate and found that she felt it worthy to pay attention to the internet but not me. It would feel hurtful in a way. I'm sure you understand that.

What did she mean you were lazy? Did she mean you don't do enough around the house and neglect your chores or does she mean she associates constant internet use with laziness. Again, I'm not out to judge, brother. We all have flaws, and I hope you do everything you can to have a more harmonious relationship with your mrs.
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happiness



Joined: 04 Sep 2010

PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

im not going to read this, but you married her, I would never call MY WIFE and the MOTHER OF MY CHILD a psycho unless she killed me. I pay a million won for a mediator or translator if I needed it. She called you lazy? Thats an insult in Korea, to not be seen as dilligent. Its not true? You should know people accuse very lightly here. You married and you live here in Korea. Cant speak Korean? Do your best to learn what you can.

and please dont talk about it on a internet chat board. Theres obviously a problem, dont talk to people who have no idea about your situation, talk to your in laws.

really.
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nero



Joined: 11 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

happiness wrote:
and please dont talk about it on a internet chat board. Theres obviously a problem, dont talk to people who have no idea about your situation, talk to your in laws. really.


Ugh. Please. HE CAN"T SPEAK KOREAN! What the f is he going to say to his in laws?
"Hi, I am the foreigner you really didn't want your daughter to marry, but she did and now we are having all the problems that are associated with a cross cultural marriage. Everyone warned me that Korean women are a bit 'emotional' and the proof is in the pudding as your daughter has been physically abusing me. For being lazy. Which I am. What should I do?

I love your kimchi by the way, mother-in-law! Mashita!!"
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John Stamos jr.



Joined: 07 Oct 2012
Location: Namsan

PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 4:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think some of the runs at the OP are unjustified. The, "How dare you call the mother of your child a 'psycho'"... give me a break. I think anyone who has had even a moderate number of relationships with women realizes that some of them can turn out to be, yes, psychos. I've had long/short term relationships with women who didn't have it in them, but I've also had long/short term relationships with women who seemed normal until the end, when they turned into complete lunatics. I dated a Korean girl who was seemingly normal and grounded, she was good to me, I was good to her, everything was fine... then she totally changed and became jealous over nothing, began spying on me, would show up at my apartment randomly, and all sorts of other crazy business. It happens, and you can't always see it coming. Hopefully, you figure that out before you end up in a situation like the OP (but, it sounds like they worked things out, so who cares).
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happiness



Joined: 04 Sep 2010

PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nero wrote:
happiness wrote:
and please dont talk about it on a internet chat board. Theres obviously a problem, dont talk to people who have no idea about your situation, talk to your in laws. really.


Ugh. Please. HE CAN"T SPEAK KOREAN! What the f is he going to say to his in laws?
"Hi, I am the foreigner you really didn't want your daughter to marry, but she did and now we are having all the problems that are associated with a cross cultural marriage. Everyone warned me that Korean women are a bit 'emotional' and the proof is in the pudding as your daughter has been physically abusing me. For being lazy. Which I am. What should I do?

I love your kimchi by the way, mother-in-law! Mashita!!"


dude, i said in the beginning, get a friend for a mediator or hire someone. id pay big money if i couldnt speak Korean for something this important.

you wrote a loooong answer.
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dg7104



Joined: 15 Sep 2013

PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

August 2013. Wife ran away with 15 month old daughter, and refuses to tell me where they are.

My lawyer told me:
1. Men and especially FOREIGN MEN, have no rights here. You are in a time warp. You will lose. Ever been treated unfairly or ripped off in Korea? It's a pattern that will not end with the courts either.
2. You will have to pay child support, and can typically see your daughter the first weekend every month, and the 3rd Saturday. So support, and 3 days a month.
3. Unless she is a drooling vegetable, or proven psycho (which all of them are anyway) you won't get custody.
4. Forget about taking your child back to your home country, unless your home country did NOT sign the Hague agreement. Korea signed the Hague Child Abduction Agreement in March 2013, and your home country will be required to return your child back to Korea. I guess so many psycho wives here, spouses flee, and Korean gov't could do nothing about it. Well they can now.
5. I went to police station here to help me find my daughter, they called my wife, then told me to go home.

Don't challenge the divorce, and save yourself the headache and time, Challenge the divorce and run up the bill for her, or RUN FOR YOU LIFE, and start again somewhere else. Getting support from you will be next to impossible when you are in your home country.
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