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"friend" asking for money
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ewlandon wrote:
Mix1 wrote:
ewlandon wrote:
dude borrowing a friends backpack is really not a big deal. You sound like, not that cool.

"Dude" trying to borrow a nice expensive frame-backpack and roller bag for every trip he takes for two years... is lame and is a total sponge move, especially if it's not a good friend in the first place. Man up and buy your own stuff.

And I guarantee I'm like... pretty damn cool.



Dude, if youre so cool then just like,,, tell the guy "hey man, the bag really like, ties the room together, youre gonna have to get your own bag"

Dude, like, yeah, great idea. Wish I'd thought of that. Laughing
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Chris.Quigley



Joined: 20 Apr 2009
Location: Belfast. N Ireland

PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a friend ask to borrow money so he could buy work boots and a hard hat. So, I lent him $200 and I wasn't really expecting to see it again. He came back 2 weeks later asking for $600 for rent. He wanted me to lend him the money I had been saving for my education. I couldn't afford that.

He then proceeded to blame me because he was going to be evicted. It was all my fault.

He never spoke to me again.

Its sad OP but there are many people like that out there. There are irresponsible and they blame all their problems on others (as another poster said).

Another time I lent my best friend $2000 for a car. Unfortunately, he ran into financial difficulties (no fault of his own). It took 3 years for him to pay me back. But, it ruined our relationship. I never bothered him about the money... but I could tell he felt guilty. He would avoid me. When we did hang out it was awkward.

Lending friends money is a bad idea. Never lend. If you have a friend who has run into hard times. GIVE them the money. Make sure they know it is a gift and that you don't expect it back.
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Died By Bear



Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Konglishman, you probably don't realize this because of my online persona; but we're actually friends IRL. Anyway, listen I need to talk to you aboot something. I'm in a bit of a bind at the moment as I need $800 for an umbrella because someone walked off with mine from a restaurant last week. As you know, it is raining in my area a lot and I can't just use any old Chinese umbrella. Could you PLEASE help me out, I will pay you back next month I promise.
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schwa



Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Yap

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 2:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chris.Quigley wrote:
Lending friends money is a bad idea. Never lend. If you have a friend who has run into hard times. GIVE them the money. Make sure they know it is a gift and that you don't expect it back.

Words to live by.
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joelove



Joined: 12 May 2011

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's always better to turn to family if possible, if the amount is substantial. Better to give than loan. You could give some people thousands and they'd be loath to ever give a hundred. Some would never buy a drink but happily take one. In short, most people are jerks about money.
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Steelrails



Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you thought of asking to borrow money off of him? Give him a call and have this really janky addict scratch to your voice. Call from a bar too. Be sure to give some rambling story ala Barney at Mr. Burns' slurry factory.

"When I woke up this morning, I told myself, Konglishman, you aren't going to call Dumb American. And when I made breakfast I was looking at myself in the mirror.....(45 minutes later)...and so that's why I ended up calling you looking to borrow some money."

Then pretend to thud your head on the bar and just leave the phone on without hanging up.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, everyone. I was meaning to respond much earlier to some of the posts. I guess that I had forgotten about this thread. I will try to make a few quick replies.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the post. Part of my problem is that I don't always use the best judgement when making friends. Sometimes, this means I meet some really cool people I wouldn't have met otherwise, and sometimes, it means I meet some people I would have been better off not knowing, but such is life.

some waygug-in wrote:
I know the feeling. With "friends" like that, ... well, you know.

Best just to ignore him from now on.

Hopefully he will get the message.

I have had the misfortune of meeting some people like that and I was totally baffled by their complete inability to take any responsibility for their own actions.

There's no trying to understand people like that.

They are users. (and I don't mean drugs, but people)

No matter what you say to him, it will always (and I do mean always) be

your fault.

No matter how negligent he was in managing his own money,

he will always work it out in his own mind so that it's your fault.

No matter what the circumstances are, it will always be your fault.

He probably even honestly believes it is your fault and has convinced himself the same.

People like this somehow manage to go through life always blaming things on everyone else.

Don't understand him? Well guess what? That's your fault too.

Oh, did I mention it will always be your fault?
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:33 am    Post subject: Re: "friend" asking for money Reply with quote

To be honest, with the exception of the odd thing like duck neck, I have found that I don't really care for Shanghainese food, but Sichuan food, on the other hand, is very much to my taste.

KimchiNinja wrote:
Konglishman wrote:
Well,  I left Korea for China a few months.  And now, once again, he is asking to borrow money even though I no longer live in Korea.


Awesome, you're in Shanghai [jealous]! If I were there right now I'd be chowing down at Xiao Non Gou (great Shanghainese) and Yuxin (great Sichuan). Korean Air would need to give me two seats on the airplane back to Seoul.

As for the "friend", that's kinda weird behavior. Once is understandable, but revolving credit? You ought to be charging an 18% interest rate if the dude thinks you're a bank.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was just that when he was bringing some minor issue like a coat for his sister, I suddenly got quite upset that he had gall to ask for several hundred dollars for that and his vacation as if I were some bank he had established a credit history with. I simply couldn't formulate the words for a proper reply because I was so upset. And the trouble is that he is never going to understand due to his ridiculous ego. Anyways, as other posters have suggested, I have cut off all ties with him.

thurst wrote:
my guess is that he feels closer to you than you do to him and since he's always paid you back he doesn't see why you're changing your behavior. that said, it's your money so he shouldn't feel entitled to it and if you don't feel like going through the hassle then you shouldn't, but you should've told him that when he asked you rather than passive aggressively ignoring his message.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There was one point when I was wondering if he might some mental health issue such as bipolar disorder. Who knows?

JustinC wrote:
What, is this guy 9 years old?? He can't budget for toffee and he keeps on making stupid decisions. And you're enabling those stupid decisions a little bit by helping him out so much. I think you need to cut him off, he can stand on his own two feet or find another Samaritan to fleece.

He can either not go to Europe by cancelling the flight or tell his sister to go to a second hand store - that's what you do when you haven't got enough cash. he doesn't need a holiday or to buy his sis a present - he needs some mental health help, judging from those crazy decisions.
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know about "never lending", but I agree that one should never lend more what you can afford to lose. And of course, I agree in general, it is a bad idea.

Chris.Quigley wrote:
I had a friend ask to borrow money so he could buy work boots and a hard hat. So, I lent him $200 and I wasn't really expecting to see it again. He came back 2 weeks later asking for $600 for rent. He wanted me to lend him the money I had been saving for my education. I couldn't afford that.

He then proceeded to blame me because he was going to be evicted. It was all my fault.

He never spoke to me again.

Its sad OP but there are many people like that out there. There are irresponsible and they blame all their problems on others (as another poster said).

Another time I lent my best friend $2000 for a car. Unfortunately, he ran into financial difficulties (no fault of his own). It took 3 years for him to pay me back. But, it ruined our relationship. I never bothered him about the money... but I could tell he felt guilty. He would avoid me. When we did hang out it was awkward.

Lending friends money is a bad idea. Never lend. If you have a friend who has run into hard times. GIVE them the money. Make sure they know it is a gift and that you don't expect it back.


Last edited by Konglishman on Sun Jan 20, 2013 2:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahaha. Actually, I have bought at least one good quality Chinese umbrella.

Died By Bear wrote:
Konglishman, you probably don't realize this because of my online persona; but we're actually friends IRL. Anyway, listen I need to talk to you aboot something. I'm in a bit of a bind at the moment as I need $800 for an umbrella because someone walked off with mine from a restaurant last week. As you know, it is raining in my area a lot and I can't just use any old Chinese umbrella. Could you PLEASE help me out, I will pay you back next month I promise.
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rollo



Joined: 10 May 2006
Location: China

PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

learn to say no!!!! It's easy. this guy is playing you. Be careful a few years back a Woman in Busan had an 'emergency" she said she had to fly home because of her mothers illness. Well when her friends got it figured out she had 'borrowed' over 9000 U.S. of course never seen again.
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Yaya



Joined: 25 Feb 2003
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to borrow money quite a bit from people in the past (for legitimate reasons) though I repaid everyone. The thing is, though, your lenders will still look negatively on you if you keep borrowing money, esp. if you have a job and stuff. I stopped that crazy practice years ago and yes, if that guy turns into such an ingrate (Korea is FULL of ingrates, but I digress), well, cut him off.

Also watch out for people who tell you all the time that they're in need. I knew this one guy who asked to borrow from me 1 million won and I'd known him for just a month. I politely declined, saying I didn't have it, yet he kept asking me from time to time for dough. I later found out that he was a shyster. I wasn't so lucky with a friend I'd met in Los Angeles and who was really into church, and my loss of a couple million won was a painful lesson.
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