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"friend" asking for money
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Konglishman



Joined: 14 Sep 2007
Location: Nanjing

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:55 am    Post subject: "friend" asking for money Reply with quote

There is an American "friend" of mine who has occasionally borrowed money from me for various dubious reasons.  The first time, he begged for me to pay for his plane ticket to come back to Korea.  The second time, he asked to borrow money in order to get married to a Korean girl whom he could barely communicate with (if at all).  The third time, he asked to borrow money to get a plane ticket back to America (I politely refused in that case).  The fourth time, he asked to borrow money because a strange girl he stayed with in a hotel took his wallet.

Probably, there are some other things I am forgetting about.  Anyways, all that being said, to his credit, he always paid me back.

Well,  I left Korea for China a few months ago.  And now, once again, he is asking to borrow money even though I no longer live in Korea.

Apparently, before he left for his vacation to Europe, he determined that he did not have enough money for all of his travel plans.  So, I politely explained that I would rather not as I do not live in Korea anymore not to mention the logistical difficulties of immediately sending money out of China.

More recently, I got another message from him saying he had gotten fired from his job before going to Europe and he wants to buy  a suit for his sister.

I guess I have gotten sick of being a revolving ATM for a "friend" whom I no longer respect.  Besides, in some cases, my loans have clearly helped enable him to make bad and stupid decisions.  So, with my busy work schedule, I didn't make it a priority to respond to his Facebook message, and of course, the Great Firewall has lately made it more difficult for me to log onto Facebook through my VPN.

Now, I just got another message from him saying among other things that I am selfish and that I have "screwed him over".  I frankly cannot understand this warped thinking of his and now regret even more allowing myself to be talked into loaning him money on the previous occasions.

Sorry, everyone.  I guess I really needed to rant.


Last edited by Konglishman on Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:21 am; edited 1 time in total
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some waygug-in



Joined: 25 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know the feeling. With "friends" like that, ... well, you know.

Best just to ignore him from now on.

Hopefully he will get the message.

I have had the misfortune of meeting some people like that and I was totally baffled by their complete inability to take any responsibility for their own actions.

There's no trying to understand people like that.

They are users. (and I don't mean drugs, but people)

No matter what you say to him, it will always (and I do mean always) be

your fault.

No matter how negligent he was in managing his own money,

he will always work it out in his own mind so that it's your fault.

No matter what the circumstances are, it will always be your fault.

He probably even honestly believes it is your fault and has convinced himself the same.

People like this somehow manage to go through life always blaming things on everyone else.

Don't understand him? Well guess what? That's your fault too.

Oh, did I mention it will always be your fault?


Last edited by some waygug-in on Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:47 pm; edited 3 times in total
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12ax7



Joined: 07 Nov 2009

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds to me like your friend is an addict. Either way, trust me, break all ties with him and don't feel guilty about it. I've done it with someone like that and I feel happier for it.
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KimchiNinja



Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 6:17 pm    Post subject: Re: "friend" asking for money Reply with quote

Konglishman wrote:
Well,  I left Korea for China a few months.  And now, once again, he is asking to borrow money even though I no longer live in Korea.


Awesome, you're in Shanghai [jealous]! If I were there right now I'd be chowing down at Xiao Non Gou (great Shanghainese) and Yuxin (great Sichuan). Korean Air would need to give me two seats on the airplane back to Seoul.

As for the "friend", that's kinda weird behavior. Once is understandable, but revolving credit? You ought to be charging an 18% interest rate if the dude thinks you're a bank.
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dairyairy



Joined: 17 May 2012
Location: South Korea

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I try to tell newbies not to loan money and be very careful about donating money, especially for internet sob stories. You can't believe everyone and everything they say.
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thurst



Joined: 08 Apr 2009
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

my guess is that he feels closer to you than you do to him and since he's always paid you back he doesn't see why you're changing your behavior. that said, it's your money so he shouldn't feel entitled to it and if you don't feel like going through the hassle then you shouldn't, but you should've told him that when he asked you rather than passive aggressively ignoring his message.
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toby99



Joined: 28 Aug 2009
Location: Dong-Incheon-by-the-sea, South Korea

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, once in a while I'll have an expat buddy run short on cash for the month and need some extra coin to make it a week or so. Usually never more than 40K or so, and with a clear expectation I'll be repaid at payday.

Most are pretty good about living within reason, purchasing some ramen, eggs, rice, cheap cigs if needed, etc. But I've also had others take the money and head directly to a rub 'n tug or kiss room (no joke, unfortunately). Even if they repay me, I'm always hesitant to loan them more.

So it's a case by case basis thing, but generally I agree that it's better not to be loaning money out if asked.
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JustinC



Joined: 10 Mar 2012
Location: We Are The World!

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What, is this guy 9 years old?? He can't budget for toffee and he keeps on making stupid decisions. And you're enabling those stupid decisions a little bit by helping him out so much. I think you need to cut him off, he can stand on his own two feet or find another Samaritan to fleece.

He can either not go to Europe by cancelling the flight or tell his sister to go to a second hand store - that's what you do when you haven't got enough cash. he doesn't need a holiday or to buy his sis a present - he needs some mental health help, judging from those crazy decisions.
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people have no shame in asking for stuff over and over again.

If you give once, they'll just keep using you. Cut this guy off and feel no guilt whatsoever.

I had a neighbor like this. Acted like he was a good buddy, but always came over to borrow stuff. I was nice the first time but it just kept happening. For really random stuff too, like backpacks when he was going on trips. BUY YOUR OWN, IDIOT!

Some people just use others and either never get the hint that it's not cool...or just don't care...which is worse. This guy was the latter.
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PRagic



Joined: 24 Feb 2006

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guy sounds like a freakin idiot. Cut him loose. Sooner or later you're going to regret this 'friendship'.
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ewlandon



Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Location: teacher

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dude borrowing a friends backpack is really not a big deal. You sound like, not that cool.

Borrowing hundreds or thousands of dollars regularly esp. if thats the only times he really contacts you seems really shady.

I'd cut the guy off, he doesnt even sound like a friend.
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NYC_Gal 2.0



Joined: 10 Dec 2010

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just say that you're broke.
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CentralCali



Joined: 17 May 2007

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's a question: If the dude's been fired, how then does he intend to pay you back?

Suggested answer to him: "Why, yes. Yes, I am selfish. I'm so selfish that I believe in working for my pay and in living within my means. I'm so selfish that I can't fund stupid behavior. Goodbye."

Then block his E-mail address. Cut him loose and cut him loose quickly.
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ewlandon wrote:
dude borrowing a friends backpack is really not a big deal. You sound like, not that cool.

"Dude" trying to borrow a nice expensive frame-backpack and roller bag for every trip he takes for two years... is lame and is a total sponge move, especially if it's not a good friend in the first place.

Man up and buy your own stuff. His whole M.O. was to use people for stuff, yet wouldn't lift a finger for anyone but himself.

And I guarantee I'm like... pretty damn cool.
However I do have a limit and don't like to be blatantly used.


Last edited by Mix1 on Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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ewlandon



Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Location: teacher

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mix1 wrote:
ewlandon wrote:
dude borrowing a friends backpack is really not a big deal. You sound like, not that cool.

"Dude" trying to borrow a nice expensive frame-backpack and roller bag for every trip he takes for two years... is lame and is a total sponge move, especially if it's not a good friend in the first place. Man up and buy your own stuff.

And I guarantee I'm like... pretty damn cool.



Dude, if youre so cool then just like,,, tell the guy "hey man, the bag really like, ties the room together, youre gonna have to get your own bag"
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