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Korean GF rushing to get married
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EZE

Joined: 05 May 2012

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:10 pm Post subject:

Seoulman69 wrote:

Another more worrying scenario may be that the Korean girls use the curfew as an excuse to hook up with another boy later that evening.

It's probably what happened to the Korean girl who failed her HIV test and was mentioned on the MBC hitpiece against foreign teachers even though her foreign boyfriend passed his HIV test to get a work visa.

KimchiNinja

Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:16 pm Post subject: Re: Korean GF rushing to get married

HANGRY wrote:

According to her, this is a Korean thing, but damned if I know anything about that.

To back way out and address the entire 'culture expectations' element...

One of the things I did early on was sit her down and have a serious talk. Something along the lines of "look I know you are Korean and I have a lot of respect for your culture, but we ARE going to live our own lives, and we are NOT going to do what your dad/culture expects, so now you know." Wink

This conversation had to be had about three times, firmly drilling it home each time, each time received with shock and disbelief Shocked

until all involved eventually accepted it.

3DR

Joined: 24 May 2009

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:17 pm Post subject:

cheezsteakwit wrote:

3DR wrote:

PREEST wrote:

I feel a lot of Korean woman want to get married sooner because they want the freedom that not being around their parents ALL THE TIME would bring. They really only gain real adult independence until they are married.

I.E it still irritates me that my 32 year old GF has a midnight curfew...I know, I know, it's culture... Still find it irrational and bizarre.

LOL I thought I had it bad. Mine is 27 with a curfew though sometimes she lies in certain circumstances (weekend trip, late movie, etc)

I got a buddy on vacation for 2 weeks in America with his K g/f right now. Her mom knows its just the two of them BUT her dad thinks there are a group of people going on the trip & my buddy is kind of the 'tour guide' for the group.

We were busting his stones, saying he should take cardboard cut-outs of her friends to photograph with the 2 of them at the Grand Canyon, etc... either that or work on his Photoshop skills.

A few months back, he gave her some kind of a 'promise ring' ??, but he said its not exactly an engagement ring. I'm not sure how it works, but they'll get married sooner or later.

LOL...almost the exact same situation with me. We just got back from the states for a 2 week trip where I introduced her to my family. Her mom and sister knew about it (and also knew about our trip to Hawaii last year hehe), but her father thought she was on a school trip with students from her ex hagwon.

It sucks she has to do this, but until I pop the question, I have heard even with Korean guys, you don't meet the dad right away. I'm also black lol.

Hugo85

Joined: 27 Aug 2010

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:37 am Post subject:

cheezsteakwit wrote:

A few months back, he gave her some kind of a 'promise ring' ??, but he said its not exactly an engagement ring. I'm not sure how it works, but they'll get married sooner or later.

Couple ring? It's a far cry from an engagement ring. Basically means you've been dating a couple of months, nothing more.

chungbukdo

Joined: 22 Aug 2010

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:22 am Post subject:

cheezsteakwit wrote:

I met my gf in Seoul the fall of 2011 then a week later we went on Nailro together for a week. Then a week after that I said I'm going to Thailand for three months, buy a ticket and come with me.

She recently came to Canada for six months and her Dad didn't ask a thing. He would never approve of her staying with me at all, but he doesn't know she has a boyfriend.

I stayed at her parent's house as her "friend" so many times.

Last spring we got a place in Ilsan together, I just hid my shoes in the cupboard the one time he came over.

I've realized that keeping a secret from some people is remarkably easy.

He will see my name on the family register soon, though Very Happy

She's planning to talk to him before that.

rambler

Joined: 18 Jun 2011

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:49 am Post subject:

3DR wrote:

It sucks she has to do this, but until I pop the question, I have heard even with Korean guys, you don't meet the dad right away. I'm also black lol.

At lease you have a sense of humor about the situation.

sluggo832004

Joined: 04 Sep 2010

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:48 pm Post subject:

Just out of curiosity. How are you guys meeting all these korean gf's and getting dates. Back in the states I dated alot and had alot of success, but I havent been able to cross over as well over here in the nice country Korea. Granted I cant speak Korean, but just curious. Do you guys get introduced through friends? Or just cold approach them? Most seem very withdrawn and have a huge wall set up around them. lol I guess I need to step my Korean game up to the next level. haha

John Stamos jr.

Joined: 07 Oct 2012
Location: Namsan

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 4:57 pm Post subject:

Bars, clubs, friends, and dating apps. If you have a smart phone and free time you can really reel them in using those things. There are a few of them. They're addictive as crack, though.

3DR

Joined: 24 May 2009

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 5:30 pm Post subject:

sluggo832004 wrote:

Just out of curiosity. How are you guys meeting all these korean gf's and getting dates.

Back in the states I dated alot and had alot of success, but I havent been able to cross over as well over here in the nice country Korea.

Granted I cant speak Korean, but just curious. Do you guys get introduced through friends? Or just cold approach them?

Most seem very withdrawn and have a huge wall set up around them. lol

I guess I need to step my Korean game up to the next level. haha

I found mine by mistake.

There is a language exchange website that I really wanted to use for learning Korean. She said hi, we met, studied for a few weekends, which then turned into dates, and then a relationship that is now going on 2 years lol.

KimchiNinja

Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:34 pm Post subject:

sluggo832004 wrote:

Koreans don't have any skill with talking to strangers, because such a thing is not done here. So cold approach, NO! That's what booking clubs are for, or regular clubs, or thru introduction, or the internet.

Hugo85

Joined: 27 Aug 2010

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:53 pm Post subject:

KimchiNinja wrote:

sluggo832004 wrote:

What he said. Cold approach works mostly for hook-ups, but very rarely for long term.

It will be rare for Koreans to introduce you to friends. Internet is pretty good as it allows you to talk for a bit before meeting.

I also speak Korean.

sluggo832004

Joined: 04 Sep 2010

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:18 pm Post subject:

Hugo85 wrote:

KimchiNinja wrote:

sluggo832004 wrote:

Thanks for the info. It feels kinda weird living here and talking to friends who date 2 or even 3 korean girls at a time. People go on dates regularly, and Im just like "wow. What the heck am I doing wrong?" lol.

I guess next month Ill go to a booking club with friends and also get on the internet as well. And learning some Korean cant hurt either. Its not a big deal or anything, cause I have lots of hobbies that keep me busy. But coming on these forums and talking to local teachers here really makes me want to step my game up and put myself out there.

I know a dude who is a straight bum, comes to work drunk, hardly bathes, and plays xbox all day and cant keep the women off him. hahaha.

And you are so right about the cold approach. I saw a girl singing and dancing with her friends in a bar. She seemed outgoing. Next day I see her waiting in a coffee shop and figured I introduce myself, and you would have thought I was the Boogey Man or a serial killer from a horror movie. lol

I just said "good morning, how are you doing today?" GEEZ!!!!!

Zyzyfer

Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:35 pm Post subject:

Seoulman69 wrote:

Quote:

But the parents demand this because of their culture. And 30+ year old women here obey their parents because of their culture.

I'll be honest, I'm struggling to grasp this because I've never met a Korean girl with a curfew. However, I do accept that you and other posters have. But here's a different take on it. When I still lived with my parents I was given a curfew. Other people I knew had curfews too. We were a lot younger than the aforementioned Koreans though. Therefore perhaps it is a case of "when you live under my roof you obey my rules". I would argue that this is not culturally specific to Korea. The difference is the age of the people in each scenario.

Another more worrying scenario may be that the Korean girls use the curfew as an excuse to hook up with another boy later that evening.

I dated a woman for a few months back in 2008. She lived with her sister in Seoul, and her mother lived outside of Seoul. Her mother would call every evening right around midnight to make sure she was at home. This woman was around 30 at the time. She had also lived abroad for some time, in China.

You can argue that it's not culturally specific to Korea, fair enough, but it sounds a little like you're trying to frame it in such a way as to ascertain that it doesn't actually happen - at least not for the reasons being given.

KimchiNinja

Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:07 pm Post subject:

sluggo832004 wrote:

And you are so right about the cold approach. I saw a girl singing and dancing with her friends in a bar. She seemed outgoing. Next day I see her waiting in a coffee shop and figured I introduce myself, and you would have thought I was the Boogey Man or a serial killer from a horror movie. lol

I just said "good morning, how are you doing today?" GEEZ!!!!!

LOL, I said hello to a girl in our building's elevator once (because she wouldn't stop looking at me). So I turned right at her, smiled and said HELLO! Smile

And she freaked out, total freeze up, no idea how to respond. It's fun.

They just don't have training on how to interact with strangers. Many of them would like to talk to a Westerner, but don't know how. There was actually a survey someone on this forum posted, something like 60% of K-girls would consider a foreign BF, but said they had no idea how to go about it. You see it in Itaewon, they get dressed up and go around in their girl packs wanting to find a guy...but they have their K-bubble around them and don't know how to come out of it. Beer helps I guess.

Getting introduced is slow too. One of my Korean friends tried to set up one of my American friends, we were all hanging together. Hours of uncomfortable slow ice-breaking...so painful to sit thru.

chungbukdo

Joined: 22 Aug 2010

Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:07 am Post subject:

KimchiNinja wrote:

What?

You're "allowed" to cold approach if you're a foreigner. Its flattering to most Korean girls. They never get approached and they really like it.

I've cold approached everyone I've dated in Korea. How are you going to get the girl you want if you can't go up and talk to her?

Anyway, someone without experience being approached is so flattered that you've actually come up to her, it makes it much easier. Try cold approaching attractive yet cold girls in a club in major cities back home. They get it all the time so they give you the cold shoulder half the time, haha. IMO Korea is much easier.

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