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How has having kids changed you?
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Swampfox10mm



Joined: 24 Mar 2011

PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 6:40 am    Post subject: How has having kids changed you? Reply with quote

Are you less interested in things like war movies? I used to like them. Now, I avoid them.

Do you find it much harder to watch movies like Jack Reacher, where some assasin is about to shoot a kid? I find these things something I avoid now, basically because I find myself thinking about my child and family in such a situation.
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Dodge7



Joined: 21 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I see parents who have lost a child or have a child with a disability it tears me up inside now. Before it was like, yea that sucks, but I really don't care that much.

When I used to hear kids cry on a bus or in a public area I would cringe, but now I smile at the parents because I know what it's like.

I'm sure there are others, but that's all I have at the moment.

I love being a parent, though. It's such a joy watching your baby hit all the milestones and watching her grow. I could sit for hours just watching my daughter watch tv or play with her toys. She doesn't even know I'm looking at her, and her little heart can't even understand the love that I have for her, but I thank the Lord all the time that I have her.
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2i2dk1ny2i3



Joined: 26 Jun 2011

PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i wish i could be in your guys situation -.-

i envy all my friends who are married with kids
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Who's Your Daddy?



Joined: 30 May 2010
Location: Victoria, Canada.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's made me care less about workplace problems. I am less likely to switch employers, because I don't want the hassle, and danger of a new problem workplace. I'd guess I'm more risk averse than before. I bought a larger car.

In regard to Korea, it's made me want to leave when my child starts school.
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Dodge7



Joined: 21 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Who's Your Daddy? wrote:
It's made me care less about workplace problems. I am less likely to switch employers, because I don't want the hassle, and danger of a new problem workplace. I'd guess I'm more risk averse than before. I bought a larger car.

In regard to Korea, it's made me want to leave when my child starts school.

Amen to that. Unfortunately, I am stuck here till my daughter reaches middle school probably. Sad
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Lucas



Joined: 11 Sep 2012

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Who's Your Daddy? wrote:
It's made me care less about workplace problems. I am less likely to switch employers, because I don't want the hassle, and danger of a new problem workplace. I'd guess I'm more risk averse than before. I bought a larger car.

In regard to Korea, it's made me want to leave when my child starts school.

Amen to that. Unfortunately, I am stuck here till my daughter reaches middle school probably.


What makes you say that?

In my humble opinion changing country and school at middle school age is the worst possible time you could choose......
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Dodge7



Joined: 21 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lucas wrote:
Quote:
Who's Your Daddy? wrote:
It's made me care less about workplace problems. I am less likely to switch employers, because I don't want the hassle, and danger of a new problem workplace. I'd guess I'm more risk averse than before. I bought a larger car.

In regard to Korea, it's made me want to leave when my child starts school.

Amen to that. Unfortunately, I am stuck here till my daughter reaches middle school probably.


What makes you say that?

In my humble opinion changing country and school at middle school age is the worst possible time you could choose......

My wife makes good money here -- more than she could in the States. So we set an unofficial time of about 10 years or so to stay here and work and save then take the lump sum back to America and start a new life there.
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Lucas



Joined: 11 Sep 2012

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
My wife makes good money here -- more than she could in the States. So we set an unofficial time of about 10 years or so to stay here and work and save then take the lump sum back to America and start a new life there.


Fair enough.

Be aware though that your kid might not want to go 'home' when they reach that age.

I assume they would be fluent in Korean and English by that time - friends in Korean school/family here/familiarity with environment.........

Then your wife changes her mind - 'bad time for kid to move....' - which it is really!

Again (in my humble opinion) 2nd-3rd grade elem would be a good time to send a kid into a new environment. It takes a year to adapt and then they still have 2 years to pass the tests and move up to the new school with a set of friends� in place ect......

Just my two pennies worth!
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Dodge7



Joined: 21 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh and I totally agree with you (if money was no object). It would be great to have my kid back home by 2nd grade. Eh, maybe I can send her there for 9 mos. around that age and let her go to school and enjoy time with Gram and Grampa. I doubt I can be away from her for that long though.

If my wife and I have our business up and running in the next 5, 6, 7 years then that is definitely in our plans. My daughter needs to see her American family, too, just as much as her Korean one. I'm pretty concerned about her not seeing them for YEARS at a time. It's just not right.

I wish plane tickets were cheap enough, but for 6-7k for the whole family to go to America every year would put a dent in our savings. Think, if we just go once a year for 4 years that's $24,000 just in airfares. Crazy!
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Captain Corea



Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, my "kid sensitivity" has shot through the roof. I have troubles watching any film/show that depicts violence against children nowadays - turns something in my stomach.
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ricochet



Joined: 04 Sep 2011
Location: carpetbagging...

PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

instead of loving everybody i meet, i'm teaching my kid to do it...and everybody my kid loves, too. Smile

Last edited by ricochet on Tue Apr 09, 2013 10:16 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
[quote="Dodge7"]When I see parents who have lost a child or have a child with a disability it tears me up inside now. Before it was like, yea that sucks, but I really don't care that much.

When I used to hear kids cry on a bus or in a public area I would cringe, but now I smile at the parents because I know what it's like.

I'm sure there are others, but that's all I have at the moment.


I agree with this and have experienced the same thing.

Other changes:

Discover what being patient is really about.

Discover what tired really means Laughing

Your kids teach you a lot if you pay attention and remind you of things you may have forgotten.

As for movies, it did not change much for me except that you have to watch actions movies later after they go to bed.

As for worries, the internet and cyber bullying is a big one. This is a huige change for when I was a kid as then the bullying would bascially stop once home for kids. These days it spreads online like wildfire.

Also, having kids has changed my viewpoint on many things, like for example travel!

Having a family also changes your outlook on work as you start to value other things in a job more than before. Things like vacation time, benefits or flexible hours become far more valuable (for me anyway) than they were before.

As far as long term life in Korea and moving back home (for you), it IS a challenge and the longer your child lives in Korea, the harder it will be for them to move to the US or Canada or where ever your home is. The adjustment can be brutal for them.

I agree that if you wish to move to your home country with your family (korean spouse and kids) so so when they are very young (2nd or 3rd grade at most if possible). That makes the transition easier. Note however that then the pressure will switch from you to your spouse when it comes to keeping the language and cultural heritage alive and well.
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dodge7 wrote:
oh and I totally agree with you (if money was no object). It would be great to have my kid back home by 2nd grade. Eh, maybe I can send her there for 9 mos. around that age and let her go to school and enjoy time with Gram and Grampa. I doubt I can be away from her for that long though.

If my wife and I have our business up and running in the next 5, 6, 7 years then that is definitely in our plans. My daughter needs to see her American family, too, just as much as her Korean one. I'm pretty concerned about her not seeing them for YEARS at a time. It's just not right.

I wish plane tickets were cheap enough, but for 6-7k for the whole family to go to America every year would put a dent in our savings. Think, if we just go once a year for 4 years that's $24,000 just in airfares. Crazy!


I hear ya on the cost but we decided to make that sacrifice so our kids see their Korean family often. That means we try to visit Korea ever 12-16 months as a family if possible. I go there for work sometimes but cannot bring the family in most cases.

There are ways to save on airfare Dodge. I do not know if that is available in Korea but here we took a CC that has travel points on it. Since we put nearly all our expenses on the CC (then pay the bill every month) we rack up the points pretty fast. This means a bascially free ticket to Korea every year or so through those points.

We try to avoid flying during high season but this is becoming hard due to our son's school year. To cut cost, we sometimes fly separate with my wife leaving earlier with our daugher to avoid high season prices.

To save money, you could go to the US alone with your kid, thereby saving one ticket.

Lots of ways to save there but no way around the fact that it is an expensive trip!

We also make life choices here to save for those trips.

For us it has paid off because our kids have a close relationship with their Korean grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins despite us living in Canada for the past 5 years or so.
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Dodge7



Joined: 21 Oct 2011

PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I have to remember to tell my wife to stop using her mileage points on free movie tickets! Also, did you have to pay for your child's international airfare even when they were under 1 years old? My wife told me it's free for children under 2 years old, but I think I remember reading somewhere if we fly internationally my child will be charged full price.
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dodge7 wrote:
Yeah I have to remember to tell my wife to stop using her mileage points on free movie tickets! Also, did you have to pay for your child's international airfare even when they were under 1 years old? My wife told me it's free for children under 2 years old, but I think I remember reading somewhere if we fly internationally my child will be charged full price.


It was basically free while they were under 2 years old. Siome airlines charge you a base fee (a 100 bucks or so), others charge you nothing but this is for a lap child, meaning your kid does not get a seat and sits on your lap for the whole flight. We did that a few times, it can be a rough but it saves you money.

There are other regulations if you or your wife flies internationally and is alone with your child. That usually means bringing a copy of the birth cert & a signed permission travel letter with you. I was asked for this twice when I flew alone with my son to join my wife and daughter in Korea.
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