|
Korean Job Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
 Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:15 pm Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? |
 |
|
| Zyzyfer wrote: |
I've seen specials like that as well. Aren't these often cases of parents being abandoned by their families/children? |
Well, the woman I gave an example obviously still had at least one family member alive, that being her sister.
| Zyzyfer wrote: |
Which makes me think, hey, having children is no guarantee against growing old and dying alone. |
That's definitely true, but I suspect a large part of how that will play out depends on your own conduct as a parent as well. Not always, but often. We should not underestimate the very real challenges involved here. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| "I've failed, therefore, success means nothing!" is too psychologically obvious. |
It is probably not a good idea to equate relationships with success.
Marriage is a fools game.
Many play.
Unfortunately, at this time in life, most people who want to raise children "successfully", feel marriage is the only/best path.
The pressures of society almost demand it. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| Fox wrote: |
| "I've failed, therefore, success means nothing!" is too psychologically obvious. |
It is probably not a good idea to equate relationships with success. |
I don't think I did that. Rather, I said that if you intend to have a fulfilling, lasting relationship and can't make it happen, you've experienced a failure. At least that's what I meant to say, perhaps I was insufficiently clear.
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| The pressures of society almost demand it. |
In the west, it seems more and more the opposite to me. Marriage itself has devolved into a form of long-term dating which is overseen by the state, children are being born more and more frequently out of wedlock, and more and more people are taking the individualistic approach. The influences of centuries of family-oriented culture are still at work, but they are lessening. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| Fox wrote: |
| "I've failed, therefore, success means nothing!" is too psychologically obvious. |
It is probably not a good idea to equate relationships with success. |
I don't think I did that. Rather, I said that if you intend to have a fulfilling, lasting relationship and can't make it happen, you've experienced a failure. At least that's what I meant to say, perhaps I was insufficiently clear.
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| The pressures of society almost demand it. |
In the west, it seems more and more the opposite to me. Marriage itself has devolved into a form of long-term dating which is overseen by the state, children are being born more and more frequently out of wedlock, and more and more people are taking the individualistic approach. |
If anyone intends to have a 'lasting' relationship...the odds are on 'failure'.
Fulfilling is enough.
Yes, times are changing...and thankfully so.
Unfortunately, change comes with a lot of trial and error...and pain.
And sorry, wasn't pointing out a fault in your writing clarity.
Your point was clear and well made.
Was just adding to the direction of the thread. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
catman
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:35 pm Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? |
|
|
| Chaparrastique wrote: |
| catman wrote: |
| I just got told off by my sister for being single. Well to be more precise she called me selfish because I said that I have no plans on getting married and having kids. |
Theres nothing more selfish than devoting your life to furthering your own dna ..when it is plainly obvious that more people is the last thing the world needs.
|
Interesting point. If marriage was really about being altruistic they should be adopting children from the developing world. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Chaparrastique
Joined: 01 Jan 2014
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| You said that relationships "have brought more trauma into my life than they are worth." This implies that you have attempted to have relationships, and it further implies that you've been unable to maintain those relationships in a fulfilling fashion. When one tries and fails to do something, it's hardly surprising that others would call that failure, is it? |
You seem determined to try and inflate yourself at someone else's expense.
That betrays a certain insecurity. You need the societal approval that being married/having kids brings for your own sense of self-worth.
People change. Its possible to want the full marriage+ kids thing at age 20 but not want it when you're 30. Some people don't want it. It doesn't mean they're not "fit" as you put it. Take a look around, there's a surprising number of very good-looking people who are single.
The best dna is not always passed on. Quite the opposite is usually true. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 9:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Chaparrastique wrote: |
| Fox wrote: |
| You said that relationships "have brought more trauma into my life than they are worth." This implies that you have attempted to have relationships, and it further implies that you've been unable to maintain those relationships in a fulfilling fashion. When one tries and fails to do something, it's hardly surprising that others would call that failure, is it? |
You seem determined to try and inflate yourself at someone else's expense. |
Describing failure as failure isn't inflating myself at someone else's expense, it's just being honest. If I were looking to inflate myself at someone else's expense, I'd have joined Catman's sister in accusing single people of being selfish. Instead, I've expressed concern for them and acknowledged the possibility that they might be better off without a family. The only hostility I've shown is to this sentiment that you and Janny have pushed, and I've adequately explained the reason for that.
| Chaparrastique wrote: |
Take a look around, there's a surprising number of very good-looking people who are single.
|
That's true, and if they're not careful, they may well end up like this once their looks fade. A reasonably well-off man is somewhat less vulnerable to such a fate than a woman would be, but he's still not immune. An ultra-wealthy man probably needn't worry much at all, but few fit that bill. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Chaparrastique
Joined: 01 Jan 2014
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| That's true, and if they're not careful, they may well end up like this |
Once again you're assuming everybody feels the same way as you do and as that woman.
You still don't get, you probably never will. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
| Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Chaparrastique wrote: |
| Fox wrote: |
| That's true, and if they're not careful, they may well end up like this |
Once again you're assuming everybody feels the same way as you do and as that woman. |
No I'm not, which is why I qualified with "may." I've repeatedly qualified my position in this thread by acknowledging that not everyone's the same, and that perhaps some people really are fine single. Any careful, reasonable reader can see that, and you're only insinuating otherwise because the logical conclusions of your own stated position are completely indefensible. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Newbie
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
| radcon wrote: |
1. I have people love me for who I am and what I do not because they have no choice or because I feed them.
2. I have life long companions who are not my children.
3. I'm a teacher and have been a youth sports coach so I teach others who are not my kids.
4. No answer to this but don't let your pride go overboard like many parents do these days. I also would feel pride for my own accomplishments.
5. That's a dangerous mindset and a major failing of many parents IMHO.
6. Not nearly as much money as you would have in your pocket if you didn't have kids.
7. What part will live on with your kids? Your big ears? You genetic predisposition to disease?
8. Maybe sometimes one might prefer a quiet holiday. You don't have any option.
9. One doesn't need kids to do this, just motivation.
10. I'd argue that having kids makes your life more unstable. Kids cost money. A lot of money. The more money you have the more stability you have.
11. I quit drinking and I don't have kids. Imagine that. But If I want to have a drunken episode tonight I can do just that without setting a bad example for some kid or embarrassing them.
12. Ridiculous.
13. Reasonable but in the end not important enough to me to make huge sacrifices in my life.
14. I laugh at the absurdity of your posts and I don't have kids. I bet for as much as your kids make you laugh, they also frustrate you.
15. No interest in seeing movies like that, but if I did I would just take a date. After the movie I will be having sex. After your movie you probably won't be having sex because mom is busy with the kids.
16. Your baby is just as likely to puke on you as smile at you. |
Your comebacks do nothing to convince me I'm wrong. But, you are entitled to your opinion and I have no problem with that. LIke I've said before in this thread, marriage and kids isn't something for everyone. Some people just can't handle it. (those that never try, and sadly many of those who do try!)
I am curious though.. when you asked the question, you also said somethign along the lines of "the drawbacks are numerous". Could you let me know what you THINK the drawbacks are? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| A reasonably well-off man is somewhat less vulnerable to such a fate than a woman would be, but he's still not immune. |
Immune to what?
Are you suggesting that article is somehow indicative of the fate of single people?
Not sure what your point is using that article.
There are pathetic people in this world...some are married...some aren't.
Fox, you seem bent on warning singles of a gloomy future.
What's up with that? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 5:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
Are you suggesting that article is somehow indicative of the fate of single people? |
Some, yes, and many of those will not see it coming until it's too late.
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
Fox, you seem bent on warning singles of a gloomy future.
What's up with that? |
Basic human concern. Anyone who personally does not feel such warnings apply to them need not worry about it, right? I'd sooner turn your question around: why are certain single individuals in this thread insistent on arguing against family life in some general sense? Insisting that man isn't "meant" to sustain enduring, loving relationships? Describing children as parasites? Feigning bold original thought while citing celebrity gossip articles? Come on. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 6:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Fox wrote: |
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
Are you suggesting that article is somehow indicative of the fate of single people? |
Some, yes, and many of those will not see it coming until it's too late.
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
Fox, you seem bent on warning singles of a gloomy future.
What's up with that? |
Basic human concern. Anyone who personally does not feel such warnings apply to them need not worry about it, right? I'd sooner turn your question around: why are certain single individuals in this thread insistent on arguing against family life in some general sense? Insisting that man isn't "meant" to sustain enduring, loving relationships? Describing children as parasites? Feigning bold original thought while citing celebrity gossip articles? Come on. |
Ok. I see you are talking to specific posters then.
Thought maybe this was your take on the matter in general.
No worries. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 6:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
Heres one reason to stay single;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4790313.stm
'Researchers from Germany found that four years into a relationship, less than half of 30-year-old women wanted regular sex - Conversely, the team found a man's libido remained the same regardless of how long he had been in a relationship'.
At least you wont have a bad conscience if you have to satisfy your physical urges as a male... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Gravity Wins
Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Location: Suwon
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
