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Is being single selfish?
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chopstick



Joined: 03 Oct 2012

PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

le-paul wrote:
The definition of selfish is putting your feelings or needs before someone else's, isnt it?

If you have a girlfriend (or whatever) and refuse to get married because you want to get drunk every night for example, then Id say yes, it is.

It all depends what the expectations of the people who are closest to you are.

its all relative.


You could just as easily say it was selfish of the girlfriend to make you get married just because thats what she wanted. surely in that scenario, you'd both be happier splitting up. I wouldn't say selfish is part of that scenario...
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chopstick



Joined: 03 Oct 2012

PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Stan, you are being weird. There's plenty of married guys/girls who have what you call a "problem". And Koreans are generally absolutely wrong on this issue. They will often talk about how unhappy their own marriage is while simultaneously disapproving of others who aren't yet married.

It's basically the kind of thing that should be no one's business. Get married, don't get married, who gives a shit?
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PRagic



Joined: 24 Feb 2006

PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2015 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you read about the Chinese economist who has suggested polygamy to help rectify China's gender imbalance. He suggests that women, particularly in poorer rural regions where potential brides are scarce, be legally allowed to marry more than one man.

The flip side of the coin is that they're going on about how sad it is that so many men will not have children to care for them in their old age, and about how women should basically be 'alloted' like cattle, but nobody is saying word one about the female infanticide that precipitated the problem to begin with!
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Plain Meaning



Joined: 18 Oct 2014

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PRagic wrote:
Did you read about the Chinese economist who has suggested polygamy to help rectify China's gender imbalance. He suggests that women, particularly in poorer rural regions where potential brides are scarce, be legally allowed to marry more than one man.

The flip side of the coin is that they're going on about how sad it is that so many men will not have children to care for them in their old age, and about how women should basically be 'alloted' like cattle, but nobody is saying word one about the female infanticide that precipitated the problem to begin with!


Well, China will soon allow everyone to have two children.
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PRagic



Joined: 24 Feb 2006

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The one child policy never seriously impacted those in the upper eschelons. The two child policy won't help poor rural men who can't find a mate to begin with. And around it goes. Big government creates big problems.
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Fallacy



Joined: 29 Jun 2015
Location: ex-ROK

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2015 8:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I predict no change in demographics.
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wonkavite62



Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Location: Jeollanamdo, South Korea.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:41 am    Post subject: Marriage & Kids Reply with quote

Catman, are you by any chance, gyopo or Asian? It may be a silly question, but Korean parents and siblings may well complain about relatives who stay single until they are 30. I got this treatment from a hagwon boss at a job interview where they kept on asking me why I wasn't married with kids. There is this Confucian pressure to get married, and have a child, preferably a son, to carry on the family line. However, lots of Koreans get married but don't have children. Is that selfish?
Have you met lots of women for one night stands or short term relationships-for sex and thrills? If so, that might be selfish. People who are secretly gay are in a different category. So too might be people who just can't seem to meet the right woman.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 6:14 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage & Kids Reply with quote

wonkavite62 wrote:
Catman, are you by any chance, gyopo or Asian? It may be a silly question, but Korean parents and siblings may well complain about relatives who stay single until they are 30. I got this treatment from a hagwon boss at a job interview where they kept on asking me why I wasn't married with kids. There is this Confucian pressure to get married, and have a child, preferably a son, to carry on the family line. However, lots of Koreans get married but don't have children. Is that selfish?
Have you met lots of women for one night stands or short term relationships-for sex and thrills? If so, that might be selfish. People who are secretly gay are in a different category. So too might be people who just can't seem to meet the right woman.


No I am Canadian. Back in Canada right now.

My long term girlfriend in Korea just turned 39. Not married. A rarity in Korea. Strained relationship with her mother as one can imagine.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 9:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

More women not having children
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edwardcatflap



Joined: 22 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

catman wrote:
More women not having children


It won't be a problem in Europe where they'll be plenty of Muslim immigrants to make up the short fall.
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trueblue



Joined: 15 Jun 2014
Location: In between the lines

PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
catman wrote:
More women not having children


It won't be a problem in Europe where they'll be plenty of Muslim immigrants to make up the short fall.



Laughing Laughing
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WadRUG'naDoo



Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Location: Shanghai

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2016 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's self which is only you, therefore living by yourself is a selfish thing, -ish meaning of, etc.
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edwardcatflap



Joined: 22 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2016 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Trueblue wrote:

Quote:
If one, having a very poor childhood and all that comes with it, chooses to bypass certain cnformities, due to a fear/concern of repeating the patterns of behavior in which he/she witnessed and experienced, should one call that irresponsible?

I call it a calculated decision.


Laughing Laughing
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Zyzyfer



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?

PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2016 8:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
No but you can start cutting back on it like Osborne is at the moment.


Laughing Laughing
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Harpeau



Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Location: In Hannam-dong, Seoul.

PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

joelove wrote:
Does getting married or having children mean someone is not selfish? Is that the key to not being self-centered? What does selfish mean? Thinking about myself all day long, like pretty much everybody does, though we also may worry about others, and hope they are doing well. It's not fair that you are single? That you don't have the responsibilities and burdens of parenthood or...? I don't understand the question. Married or single, parent or not, we are interested mainly in ourselves, aren't we? In our own desires and fulfillment and all the rest of it. Marriage or parenthood doesn't make someone a better person. Do it if you want to, not because others think you should.


I agree. If you don't want to be married, then don't. Be honest and clear about who you are and what you want. The guy's sister is being selfish for wanting him to do something that he has little desire to do. Sounds to me like the sister has Facebook envy and would actually like to have that freedom for herself as well.
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