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Is being single selfish?
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Old Painless



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 12:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
For a supposedly happy person, Janny sure seems to pop up frequently on our forum trying to convince the rest of us she's happy. 41 is a bit late to change course, at least for children. I imagine the next 30 or 40 years will be filled with a lot of self-reassurance that foregoing children was a good idea.



That's an extremely rude and insensitive thing to say to anyone. What about couples that have been married 15-20 years and are unable to have children? Would you say the same thing to them? Jackass.
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Old Painless wrote:
Fox wrote:
For a supposedly happy person, Janny sure seems to pop up frequently on our forum trying to convince the rest of us she's happy. 41 is a bit late to change course, at least for children. I imagine the next 30 or 40 years will be filled with a lot of self-reassurance that foregoing children was a good idea.



That's an extremely rude and insensitive thing to say to anyone. What about couples that have been married 15-20 years and are unable to have children? Would you say the same thing to them? Jackass.


If that couple made a specific bad choice that resulted in infertility, then decided to repeatedly post the details of their personal situation on a forum I frequented while trying to construe their bad choice as a good one and their unhappy situation as a happy one, yes, I might. That's an awful lot of qualification to make your bad analogy into a fit one, though, and given most infertile couples are unlikely to spend their time trying to convince me that their circumstances are happy ones, they're more likely to get my compassion.
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Catman: Stay single as long as YOU want to. End of story.

A lot of these married people will lecture you on the "best" way to do things, but there is no guarantee they are any happier than you are. Often they are miserable.

I think sometimes there's a bit of regret, jealousy, and bitterness going on too:
They've made a commitment and are now tied down for the rest of their lives, while you are still free of any shackles. Of course they don't like to see that, and will criticize it by calling you selfish or immature.

As far as having kids, we really don't need many more so don't feel guilty about that part of it. Plenty of people in the world (no shortage), and lots of crap parents pumping out crap kids. They may not have wanted kids at all, but got pressured into it or just did it because "that's what everyone does".

Also, you are a man. No rush at all. In some ways men get more attractive with age so you'll be able to find a mate at almost any age.... the same can NOT be said of women, and they can get pretty bitter about that. Seeing an independent man who doesn't need a woman is just disturbing for them, and they'll call it "selfish" or "Peter Pan syndrome". But you can bet if most women could stay single and attractive past 30's and 40's they'd all be high-fiving each other about it and not calling it "selfish", because that label is usually reserved for men.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
I am sincere, but it's not Janny who I hope might benefit from my (admittedly harsh) words. Catman made a crack about my stance on feminism, but his masculinity does not exempt him from going down a path he'll later regret. He's still quite a bit younger than her and male, so he still has a reasonable amount of time to change course. He should worry less about whether he's being selfish, and more about if he's really going to be content with the enduring conclusions of his lifestyle as he gets older and older. I get the feeling that he posted this thread looking for some affirmation, but it would be irresponsible to give it to him if we actually wish him the best (and I for one do); he needs careful thought, not reassuring pats on the back. If Janny doesn't want to be used as an example in such an exercise, then she can stop posting her personal details on the board again and again.


Sure I may regret the choices I have made regarding marriage and having children. I am just glad that those choices are my own and I don't have to worry about any outside coercion like those in other societies do.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mix1 wrote:
Catman: Stay single as long as YOU want to. End of story.

A lot of these married people will lecture you on the "best" way to do things, but there is no guarantee they are any happier than you are. Often they are miserable.



I think that is the case with many married people who lash out at singles. However, I have to be careful not to stereotype them like the stereotype us. Some people just really don't understand the desire to remain single. It is almost as if it is "unnatural".
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

catman wrote:

Sure I may regret the choices I have made regarding marriage and having children. I am just glad that those choices are my own and I don't have to worry about any outside coercion like those in other societies do.


Well, as long as you keep that in mind, that's my concern within the context of this thread. I know we disagree on matters at times, but I don't bear you any ill will at all on account of it. I suspect your sister's harsh words were also ultimately motivated by concern for you, but that's just a guess as I don't know the woman.

I agree that it being your own choice is ultimately for the best.
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Died By Bear



Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:07 am    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

catman wrote:
I just got told off by my sister for being single. Well to be more precise she called me selfish because I said that I have no plans on getting married and having kids. In case you are wondering she is married with a couple of kids herself. I think she sees me with having few responsibilities and greater freedom than she has and doesn't believe it to be fair.

I guess it can be considered selfish if you believe our sole purpose in life is to reproduce. However, I am just happier being single and am not looking for a long term relationship. Of course there are times when it would be nice to come home to someone but those thoughts are few and far between.

It was never an issue until I reached 30. Then the questions started coming from certain family members. The funny thing is my parents don't care at all!

I feel bad for women though. They must have twice as much pressure as we men do.



Don't let you sister or anyone else put pressure on you to get married. It's not as big a deal as some make it out to be. There are many advantages to staying single. Remember, when you've reached the end of your life, it's important to have as few regrets as possible. I've held hands with a few people in their final days, and one thing I can tell you - we all have regrets. Some more than others. Marriage and kids shouldn't be one of them. Rejoice your situation, having freedom to do whatever you want without thinking about your family or the responsibility of children is rare.
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metalhead



Joined: 18 May 2010
Location: Toilet

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Korean girls are the hottest!"

"I've been in Korea for 10 years but being single is for me!"

Losers or liars, or both, probably all three.
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metalhead



Joined: 18 May 2010
Location: Toilet

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Steelrails has the best girlfriend though, no one here can deny that because it's a factual fact.
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rainman3277



Joined: 13 Sep 2009

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
Old Painless wrote: