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Is being single selfish?
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 12:50 am    Post subject: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

I just got told off by my sister for being single. Well to be more precise she called me selfish because I said that I have no plans on getting married and having kids. In case you are wondering she is married with a couple of kids herself. I think she sees me with having few responsibilities and greater freedom than she has and doesn't believe it to be fair.

I guess it can be considered selfish if you believe our sole purpose in life is to reproduce. However, I am just happier being single and am not looking for a long term relationship. Of course there are times when it would be nice to come home to someone but those thoughts are few and far between.

It was never an issue until I reached 30. Then the questions started coming from certain family members. The funny thing is my parents don't care at all!

I feel bad for women though. They must have twice as much pressure as we men do.
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andrewchon



Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Location: In my goshiwon cubicle. Seeking moksha.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, it is selfish.
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le-paul



Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The definition of selfish is putting your feelings or needs before someone else's, isnt it?

If you have a girlfriend (or whatever) and refuse to get married because you want to get drunk every night for example, then Id say yes, it is.

It all depends what the expectations of the people who are closest to you are.

its all relative.
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Stan Rogers



Joined: 20 Aug 2010

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.
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SeoulNate



Joined: 04 Jun 2010
Location: Hyehwa

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 2:03 am    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

catman wrote:
I think she sees me with having few responsibilities and greater freedom than she has and doesn't believe it to be fair.


This.

Although I do have to say that I enjoy being in a good relationship
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le-paul



Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Listen to you Laughing

Everyone has 'a problem'. The difference is, finding someone who can tolerate it longer.
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joelove



Joined: 12 May 2011

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Does getting married or having children mean someone is not selfish? Is that the key to not being self-centered? What does selfish mean? Thinking about myself all day long, like pretty much everybody does, though we also may worry about others, and hope they are doing well. It's not fair that you are single? That you don't have the responsibilities and burdens of parenthood or...? I don't understand the question. Married or single, parent or not, we are interested mainly in ourselves, aren't we? In our own desires and fulfillment and all the rest of it. Marriage or parenthood doesn't make someone a better person. Do it if you want to, not because others think you should.

Last edited by joelove on Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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falco



Joined: 26 Nov 2005

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 4:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What a load of poppycock. Cant see how choosing to be single is selfish at all. Most of the people I see with all the problems are married people actually. Even more so here in Korea (especially here in Korea actually). During the course of my life I've been on the brink of getting married at least a couple of times and looking back, I thank god that I never did. Yeah, I still get the gay insinuations now and again (not so much here but more in my home country) but if they want to think I'm gay, thats their problem, not mine.

Final point; there are now over seven billion human beings on the planet. Resources are slowly dwindling and the poverty gap gets bigger every day. I'd say its our duty NOT to get married and reproduce.
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Sector7G



Joined: 24 May 2008

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.
Well then, for these people, it would be most unselfish not to marry and procreate. In fact, they would be doing the world a favor. Cool
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The Cosmic Hum



Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are in Korea because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against people in Korea. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them in Korea. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Same same.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. .


Laughing No. They are well aware of my proclivity for boobs.

Could some cousin or aunt I never see think I am gay? Quite possibly. Do I care? Nope. I certainly am not going to get married just so people don't question my sexual orientation.

Anyway it is a moot point in many Western countries now as same-sex marriage has been legalized.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Single, married, or both, it's always selfish.
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Sector7G



Joined: 24 May 2008

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

catman wrote:

Laughing No. They are well aware of my proclivity for boobs.

Could some cousin or aunt I never see think I am gay? Quite possibly. Do I care? Nope. I certainly am not going to get married just so people don't question my sexual orientation.

Anyway it is a moot point in many Western countries now as same-sex marriage has been legalized.
Well, I agree one should not get married just to dispel rumors about sexual orientation. But how does legalized same-sex marriage make that a moot point? People can still speculate, and it's not like the authorities were hauling people in to interrogate them about why they were still single. Well, at least not for a long, long time.....
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bucheon bum



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: DC area

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

le-paul wrote:
Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Listen to you Laughing

Everyone has 'a problem'. The difference is, finding someone who can tolerate it longer.


Yeah, exactly. Single people aren't alone in the "problem" department. And I'd say a lot of those single people who have a "problem" are doing us all a favor by not procreating and creating more "problems".

How the heck is being single selfish?

(and no, I am not single.)
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Underwaterbob



Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two single people likely have a larger combined carbon footprint than a married couple, but at the same time, you're not having kids and perpetuating the problem, so six and one half-dozen the other?
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