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Is being single selfish?
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

drydell wrote:
Died By Bear wrote:
drydell wrote:


Can you elaborate?.. ..



On long air flights, sedatives work well for the brats whose parents refuse to educate and restrain. Get off your smart phone and pay attention to your bratty kids.


Teenager sentiments.
You'll eat your words if and when you ever have a kid. I guarantee it.

People sedate pets on plane rides all the time and they are far less irritating than kids. Why not kids? It should not only be legal, but encouraged or required in some cases.

They should start making sedative "relaxation cookies" for traveling kids. Or if the kids can't have them, at least hand them out to the other passengers.
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Chaparrastique



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:21 am    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

catman wrote:
I just got told off by my sister for being single. Well to be more precise she called me selfish because I said that I have no plans on getting married and having kids.


Theres nothing more selfish than devoting your life to furthering your own dna ..when it is plainly obvious that more people is the last thing the world needs.

If these breeders were so "unselfish" they might try to feed all the millions of mouths of orphans and the world's poor before they pump out replicas of themselves to function as personal pension plans and lifelong companions.

Quote:
I am just happier being single and am not looking for a long term relationship.

Congratulations. So many people just never get it.

The only negative to being single is having to deal with all the judgement of people who think everyone must think the way they do.

Quote:
Same thing can happen if you were married. Mickey Rooney's kids and ex-wives bankrupted him.


Exactly. Granted some people seem very successful at relationships but in my exp, they have brought more trauma into my life than they are worth.

I've gotten off lightly though, for many people their partners have brought them not only drama but utter catastrophe. Left them for their best friends, cheated, run off with the kids, locked them out of the joint account, etc etc.

I don't see that many married people who are happy btw.

Most people are sheeple who give into the cultural pressure and programming because they never developed a true sense of self.


Quote:
In case you are wondering she is married with a couple of kids herself. I think she sees me with having few responsibilities and greater freedom than she has and doesn't believe it to be fair.


Cameron Diaz sums up this sort of reaction better than I can:


Quote:
Cameron Diaz thinks her choice of lifestyle makes married people uncomfortable about their decisions.

The actress is convinced her single status makes others feel nervous as they question if they have made the right choices in their own lives.

The Other Woman star has explained that she feels like both men and women are uncomfortable, telling the Daily Mail, "I think some people want other people to make the same choices in life that they have made so that they can feel good about their own choice.

"I think that some married people have made the choice to get married, but when they see a person who is living a different way, it makes them stop and think, 'Wait a second - you mean you don't need to get married after all? You mean that I felt I had to get married, but you don't feel that you have to?'"

The former girlfriend of stars Justin Timberlake and Matt Dillon added, "And if they weren't too sure about their choice in the first place, that can make them very uncomfortable."
https://uk.celebrity.yahoo.com/news/cameron-diaz-makes-married-people-nervous-125514157.html
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Kuros



Joined: 27 Apr 2004

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 10:42 am    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:
catman wrote:
I just got told off by my sister for being single. Well to be more precise she called me selfish because I said that I have no plans on getting married and having kids.


Theres nothing more selfish than devoting your life to furthering your own dna ..when it is plainly obvious that more people is the last thing the world needs.


This is far from obvious. In addition to being off-topic, this kind of anti-human proselytism is wrong-headed.

(1) Humans are not simply carbon footprints or mouths to feed;

(2) The average carbon footprint of an individual in a certain region today may be far greater than the average carbon footprint of an individual in 5, 10, 30 years time; and

(3) The decision to have a family is personal and protected by the fundamental rights to marry and procreate.
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Died By Bear



Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mix1 wrote:
drydell wrote:
Died By Bear wrote:
drydell wrote:


Can you elaborate?.. ..



On long air flights, sedatives work well for the brats whose parents refuse to educate and restrain. Get off your smart phone and pay attention to your bratty kids.


Teenager sentiments.
You'll eat your words if and when you ever have a kid. I guarantee it.

People sedate pets on plane rides all the time and they are far less irritating than kids. Why not kids? It should not only be legal, but encouraged or required in some cases.

They should start making sedative "relaxation cookies" for traveling kids. Or if the kids can't have them, at least hand them out to the other passengers.



Absolutely. I used to fly with my parents back and forth to Europe 2x a year from the age of 5. Anytime I got loud, I'd get smacked and I knew from a very young age not to act out on airplanes. My brother and I were well behaved because we were taught to be well behaved.

These days, parents are not only self-absorbed with their gadgets, they just don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves. This goes for both Korean and Western parents. Thankfully I now fly business class everywhere I go, and it sure is nice being farther away from the cattle.
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:45 pm    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:

Most people are sheeple who give into the cultural pressure and programming because they never developed a true sense of self.


Nothing screams "independent thinker with a true sense of self" like someone defending their position by citing an increasingly mainstream view expressed by a mainstream celebrity in an interview with a mainstream news outlet.

Chaparrastique wrote:

If these breeders were so "unselfish" they might try to feed all the millions of mouths of orphans and the world's poor before they pump out replicas of themselves to function as personal pension plans and lifelong companions.


As already articulated by some of the people arguing against family life in this thread, being a parent is itself challenging. Adoptive parenting, however, is far more challenging, and adoption in-and-of itself can also be extremely expensive. The real irony, though, is that a couple capable of being good adoptive parents are exactly the sort of couple society should be most anxious to see reproduce themselves and pass along their admirable and valuable traits. But I suppose to see that, one would actually have to be concerned with the welfare of broader society in the first place, wouldn't one?

Chaparrastique wrote:

Granted some people seem very successful at relationships but in my exp, they have brought more trauma into my life than they are worth.


For this, on the other hand, I have some sympathy. It's easy to experience repeated failure and end up concluding that failure is inevitable. The rest of your post is pretty clearly just an attempt at self-soothing in the face of this one issue, trying to recast a negative as a positive. As a purely internal narrative it would merely be pitiful, but trying to convince others that there's some intrisic merit to your position? That's not compassionate.
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Died By Bear



Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I ever catch Foxs' kids up in business class, I'll drop kick them back to the cattle car where they belong. Twisted Evil
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Died By Bear wrote:
If I ever catch Foxs' kids up in business class, I'll drop kick them back to the cattle car where they belong. Twisted Evil


That's three times in one thread. Don't get all Young Clinton on me now.
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Chaparrastique



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
being a parent is itself challenging.


So why bother? The world did not ask nor did it need for you to overpopulatae it even further. Don't pretend you're doing the world a favour by pumping out fox cubs.
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Zyzyfer



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
I also saw a news special some time back on elderly people living alone here in Korea. One interview was especially harsh: the old woman lamented that she regularly wanted to kill herself because of her loneliness, and when she told her sister of this, her sister evidently replied, "First save up enough money for a funeral, then you can kill yourself." At least in the West you'll have a suicide hotline to call and get a bit of attention, but I don't think that's much consolation.


I've seen specials like that as well. Aren't these often cases of parents being abandoned by their families/children?

Which makes me think, hey, having children is no guarantee against growing old and dying alone. It also sounds far more depressing than not having anyone there for you. Instead, the people who should be there have actively decided not to be. I would imagine the latter is more emotionally painful than the former.


Last edited by Zyzyfer on Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Died By Bear



Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
Died By Bear wrote:
If I ever catch Foxs' kids up in business class, I'll drop kick them back to the cattle car where they belong. Twisted Evil


That's three times in one thread. Don't get all Young Clinton on me now.



I'm just playin' Razz
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Died By Bear wrote:
Fox wrote:
Died By Bear wrote:
If I ever catch Foxs' kids up in business class, I'll drop kick them back to the cattle car where they belong. Twisted Evil


That's three times in one thread. Don't get all Young Clinton on me now.



I'm just playin' Razz


I know.
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Chaparrastique



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Is being single selfish? Reply with quote

You got lumbered with an expensive parasite because you weren't able to think for yourself.

Fox wrote:
have some sympathy.


its hard but i'll try lol. Laughing
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:
Fox wrote:
being a parent is itself challenging.


So why bother?


What a characteristic answer. "Why bother doing hard things?" Indeed, in the era of consumer pleasures, why bother? Instead of spending money on your "parasites" as you so eloquently put it, you could be hedonistically indulging in goods and services, right?

Chaparrastique wrote:
Don't pretend you're doing the world a favour by pumping out fox cubs.


Right there, that's the attitude I'm attacking in this thread. Any parent who makes a good faith effort to raise their children to be uptstanding human beings is doing their children, their society, and yes to some small extent even the world a favor. Society is made of people; good people make a good society, and the reverse is also true. Ultimately you are the only one who can judge your own situation, I can accept that; if you say you aren't up to the task of raising children, and you say you've no interest in accepting the responsibility, okay. Any consequences which arise from that will be yours to bear, and any benefits, likewise. But pretending that failing repeatedly at relationships until you take advice from celebrity gossip and give up on them is strong, insighful, independent thinking is more or less absurd. Calling children parasites is absurd. Insisting that good parents are not an asset to the world is absurd. These aren't even controversial points you're raising; you're so obviously incorrect that I'm hesitant to believe you're sincere.
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Chaparrastique



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fox wrote:
"Why bother doing hard things?" Indeed, in the era of consumer pleasures, why bother?


Its more case of "why bother doing hard things that do not benefit the world". Lets face it having kids is a matter of people wanting to further their dna, find a purpose in their life, gain social acceptance, have someone to keep them company. Its a selfish activity, not a commendable one. The worlds population is alread 7 billion and we can't even feed all the mouths we have. There is certainly no need for more resource-depleting consumers.


Quote:
Right there, that's the attitude I'm attacking in this thread.


look, to be honest I'm ok with you doing the traditional thing. I don't really care, do whatever you want. If you're happy then so be it.

So long as you stop judging those who think differently.

Granted there are those who are unwillingly single, but there are plenty who are quite happy single, prefer to be single, reject plenty of suitors, and do need to be thought of as "deserving of compassion" or "failures' or whatever. they're simply following their own path, despite the social pressures and expectations people like to pile on top of them.
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2014 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:

Its more case of "why bother doing hard things that do not benefit the world".


The logical conclusion of this statement is that you don't believe your parents having birthed you benefited the world. Whether that's true or not, I won't judge, but why should anyone take advice from someone who doesn't even himself believe that he's a net asset to his society? A self-proclaimed worthless man trying to insist that everyone else is just as worthless as he is is nothing to take seriously; no fit source of wisdom on how to live life.

Chaparrastique wrote:

look, to be honest I'm ok with you doing the traditional thing. I don't really care, do whatever you want. If you're happy then so be it.

So long as you stop judging those who think differently.


I've already said a number of times in this thread that I acknowledge the possibility that some people may not be fit for family life. If you just want to live your quiet, single life and then die without having reproduced, okay, I'm not banging on your door and begging you to have children. It's only when you try to convince the rest of us that would be a good and worthy thing for quality potential parents to avoid reproduction that I'll push back.

Chaparrastique wrote:

but there are plenty who are quite happy single, prefer to be single, reject plenty of suitors, and do need to be thought of as "deserving of compassion" or "failures' or whatever. they're simply following their own path, despite the social pressures and expectations people like to pile on top of them.


You said that relationships "have brought more trauma into my life than they are worth." This implies that you have attempted to have relationships, and it further implies that you've been unable to maintain those relationships in a fulfilling fashion. When one tries and fails to do something, it's hardly surprising that others would call that failure, is it? And given what a great source of joy and comfort a family can be, it's hardly surprising that those who have found a family which works would feel some compassion for those who were unable to do so. You can talk tough if you like (that's what you're in the thread for, after all), but you've already let the cat slip out of the bag on this one. "I've failed, therefore, success means nothing!" is too psychologically obvious.
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