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Dealing with passive aggressive coworkers
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sweetrevenge



Joined: 24 Dec 2013

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:57 am    Post subject: Dealing with passive aggressive coworkers Reply with quote

Does anyone have to deal with passive aggressive coworkers at work? I just started working for this new school and not even on my 5th day here my boss shoves a whole bunch of "how to teach" manuals in my face. I really wish they would just tell me what the issue is so that I can fix it rather then having to guess what I'm doing wrong. The worst part about this whole thing is that nothing she gave me is helpful in any way.
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Fox



Joined: 04 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 2:29 am    Post subject: Re: Dealing with passive aggressive coworkers Reply with quote

sweetrevenge wrote:
Does anyone have to deal with passive aggressive coworkers at work? I just started working for this new school and not even on my 5th day here my boss shoves a whole bunch of "how to teach" manuals in my face. I really wish they would just tell me what the issue is so that I can fix it rather then having to guess what I'm doing wrong. The worst part about this whole thing is that nothing she gave me is helpful in any way.


Did she say something insinuating when she gave them to you? It's possible she's just trying to provide you with some materials she erroneously thinks might be useful to you in your new job rather than implying anything, isn't it?
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radish kimchi



Joined: 20 Mar 2014

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
not even on my 5th day


What did you do during the 4 days previous? Did you teach? If you did, this should have spelled it out for you.
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sweetrevenge



Joined: 24 Dec 2013

PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Did she say something insinuating when she gave them to you? It's possible she's just trying to provide you with some materials she erroneously thinks might be useful to you in your new job rather than implying anything, isn't it?


No, she did not but I doubt she would've taken the time to print out 100 pages worth of 'teaching manuals' and sign me up for a "how to teach as a foreign teacher" website without me doing something or receiving some kind of complaint. I really wish she did say something insinuating I really do.
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sweetrevenge wrote:
Quote:
Did she say something insinuating when she gave them to you? It's possible she's just trying to provide you with some materials she erroneously thinks might be useful to you in your new job rather than implying anything, isn't it?


No, she did not but I doubt she would've taken the time to print out 100 pages worth of 'teaching manuals' and sign me up for a "how to teach as a foreign teacher" website without me doing something or receiving some kind of complaint. I really wish she did say something insinuating I really do.

That would be too logical.

I once was told by a boss to "do better". I'm pretty sure it was about a random complaint or rumor but they wouldn't tell me what it was or any details. I asked what I should do but they couldn't cite anything I specifically did wrong.

A lot of this type of stuff is to put you on the defensive and make you THINK you aren't doing well. A pretty common tactic here, according to some Korean friends. Just smile, don't panic, and roll with it and see what happens. Often these things blow over soon enough and they'll move on to the next BS tactic, but for now, don't make a big fuss as it might not be passive aggressive but just bad, insensitive management style.
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Handsome Boy



Joined: 03 Jun 2003

PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just belt her one! you shouldn't have any problems for the rest of the year.

If that doesn't work, you could challenge her to a mud wrestling competition
then post it on dave's for all to see.
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KimchiNinja



Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

PostPosted: Sat Jun 14, 2014 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually I find Koreans to be extremely straight forward, not passive aggressive at all. People just tell you to your face, no games.

You might be assuming there is some hidden meaning when there is not.
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Stan Rogers



Joined: 20 Aug 2010

PostPosted: Sat Jun 14, 2014 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've worked with aggressive foreign co-workers before. I don't take any BS from that type. I asked them to step out into the alley behind the school and discuss it further.

They chickened out. I never had a problem with them again.
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beentheredonethat777



Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven

PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 7:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="KimchiNinja"]Actually I find Koreans to be extremely straight forward, not passive aggressive at all. People just tell you to your face, no games.


^^.This. You will be told directly and in your face about any and all missteps,
complaints, things you need to correct, etc.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 8:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="beentheredonethat777"]
KimchiNinja wrote:
Actually I find Koreans to be extremely straight forward, not passive aggressive at all. People just tell you to your face, no games.


^^.This. You will be told directly and in your face about any and all missteps,
complaints, things you need to correct, etc.


Sure, they are honest. But honesty is still an expression of opinion. And that opinion, in Korea, is fact. It's hilarious to see all the contradictions and the lecturing that follows when a plan fails.
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KimchiNinja



Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stain wrote:
Sure, they are honest. But honesty is still an expression of opinion. And that opinion, in Korea, is fact. It's hilarious to see all the contradictions and the lecturing that follows when a plan fails.


Yeah but the question isn't "are management's decision-making skills state of the art?", the question is "are they passive aggressive?". Management are always incompetent!!

Here's a fun story from our office just for kicks. This would never take place in the USA of course, someone would get sued. But I found it so refreshing that people didn't tip-toe around incompetence. Director called worker-girl into his office...

Director - do you think you are qualified for this job?
Her - yes
Director - I disagree.
Her - shock
Director - let's make a list on the board of the job qualification, and your qualifications. First does your education fit the job?
Her - yes
Director - no it does not, here are the education requirements, your education is lacking. Second, does your experience fit the job?
Her - yes
Director - no it does not, here are the experience requirements, your experience is lacking. Do you still think you are qualified for this job?
Her - yes
Director - let's talk about it again tomorrow then.

She quit a couple days later. Wink
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

KimchiNinja wrote:
Stain wrote:
Sure, they are honest. But honesty is still an expression of opinion. And that opinion, in Korea, is fact. It's hilarious to see all the contradictions and the lecturing that follows when a plan fails.


Yeah but the question isn't "are management's decision-making skills state of the art?", the question is "are they passive aggressive?". Management are always incompetent!!

Here's a fun story from our office just for kicks. This would never take place in the USA of course, someone would get sued. But I found it so refreshing that people didn't tip-toe around incompetence. Director called worker-girl into his office...

Director - do you think you are qualified for this job?
Her - yes
Director - I disagree.
Her - shock
Director - let's make a list on the board of the job qualification, and your qualifications. First does your education fit the job?
Her - yes
Director - no it does not, here are the education requirements, your education is lacking. Second, does your experience fit the job?
Her - yes
Director - no it does not, here are the experience requirements, your experience is lacking. Do you still think you are qualified for this job?
Her - yes
Director - let's talk about it again tomorrow then.

She quit a couple days later. Wink

If she's so "lacking" then why'd they hire her in the first place?
She probably had a nice photo on her resume, so they overlooked a few things, then when she didn't drink enough at the party when the boss told her to, suddenly the qualifications became a problem.

True, that probably would not take place in the USA. Wink
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KimchiNinja



Joined: 01 May 2012
Location: Gangnam

PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mix1 wrote:
If she's so "lacking" then why'd they hire her in the first place?


Dunno, she was hired before our time.

The point was the new director found her unqualified, and notified her to her face that she was unqualified, in the most non passive-aggressive way imaginable.

If they have a problem with your work, you will know it. Wink
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

KimchiNinja wrote:
Mix1 wrote:
If she's so "lacking" then why'd they hire her in the first place?


Dunno, she was hired before our time.

The point was the new director found her unqualified, and notified her to her face that she was unqualified, in the most non passive-aggressive way imaginable.

If they have a problem with your work, you will know it. Wink

To an extent, that's true.

But the WAY they let you know, and the information (true or false) that they choose to share varies tremendously. You often have to read between the lines here. And the OP should be aware that many of these problems can arise not from actual performance or qualifications, but other petty factors. Or at least, to us they seem petty. Depends what it is ... IF they ever share the specifics.
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chill.sung99



Joined: 20 May 2014

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mix1 wrote:
sweetrevenge wrote:
Quote:
Did she say something insinuating when she gave them to you? It's possible she's just trying to provide you with some materials she erroneously thinks might be useful to you in your new job rather than implying anything, isn't it?


No, she did not but I doubt she would've taken the time to print out 100 pages worth of 'teaching manuals' and sign me up for a "how to teach as a foreign teacher" website without me doing something or receiving some kind of complaint. I really wish she did say something insinuating I really do.
Often these things blow over soon enough and they'll move on to the next BS tactic, but for now, don't make a big fuss as it might not be passive aggressive but just bad, insensitive management style.


Mix1 made a good point. The ESL industry in Korea is not filled with Harvard MBA grads. Their management philosophy and skills (or lack thereof) will get on your nerves. be prepared for lots of micro-managing, cultural differences, mis-communication, etc. etc. (all of which is easy to interpret as being passive aggressive)
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