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Can someone explain this Aspect of Korean Culture to me
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Sesame



Joined: 16 Mar 2014

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:18 am    Post subject: Can someone explain this Aspect of Korean Culture to me Reply with quote

It's manipulating as hell but seems to work.

A girl came over to a boy and looks at his phone, and instead of telling her to go away, he picks it up and smacks her over the head for it.

She starts to cry (these are 13 year olds) and goes back and sits down. The boy, who clearly was the aggressor then sits back down and goes into hyper silent aggression mode. Sulks, wont talk to her after SHE APOLOGIZES and basically turns the table around on her and was mad at her. It worked.

This is not th first time i've witnessed this. My wife will do it from time to time also. I should blow up on her for something she did, but then she gets mad.

It's so childish.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 7:38 am    Post subject: Re: Can someone explain this Aspect of Korean Culture to me Reply with quote

Sesame wrote:
It's manipulating as hell but seems to work.

A girl came over to a boy and looks at his phone, and instead of telling her to go away, he picks it up and smacks her over the head for it.

She starts to cry (these are 13 year olds) and goes back and sits down. The boy, who clearly was the aggressor then sits back down and goes into hyper silent aggression mode. Sulks, wont talk to her after SHE APOLOGIZES and basically turns the table around on her and was mad at her. It worked.

This is not th first time i've witnessed this. My wife will do it from time to time also. I should blow up on her for something she did, but then she gets mad.

It's so childish.


It's childish because it starts in kindergarten. I know because I've worked at a couple of them and it's always the same. If it starts there, then it should be stamped out at that time, not by the teacher, mind you, but the parents at home. And we all know what happens there.
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Mix1



Joined: 08 May 2007

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Temper tantrums get results here.
Yes, it's manipulative.

I see it a lot with the guys and girls here. The guy goes into tantrum mode and the girl has to apologize. The girls do it too. They basically fake like they are upset so the other one eventually gives in.

Drama queen tactics.
Don't let them pull it on you.
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hellofaniceguy



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'splain what?
korean culture?
The aggressive behavior displayed by old and young and very young alike?
Needs no explaining. It's normal for koreans....Not a bad thing/not a good thing....just what seems to happen a lot in korea.

I would not condone it and would certainly speak up....and have.
Those who see what they think is wrong and do nothing.....are just as bad as those doing the wrong.
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Hokie21



Joined: 01 Mar 2011

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a 6th grade boy in one of my classes who throws ridiculous temper tantrums...the kind you expect from a 5 year. He starts making this obnoxious whining nose and then starts hitting his desk and then slides down in his seat and flops around and continues to make stupid whining noises.

I told him to knock it off which he eventually did. After class I brought it up with my Korean co-teacher (who is a female) and she said, "Oh I know! He does that in my class too. He's so cute!"

So yesterday within 30 seconds of the bell ringing he starts his stupid whining, wriggling routine and I immediately just shout out "NO! WE ARE NOT ACTING THIS WAY TODAY! HOW OLD ARE YOU? DO YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE A BABY? WELL I'LL TRY TO FIND SOME ROOM IN THE KINDERGARTEN CLASS FOR YOU. GROW UP! AND KNOCK IT OFF!

And he immediately sat up straight and politely said, "Yes teacher..." and was fine for the rest of the class.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cPrQ-GqpjU&t=2m15s

I guess when your co-teacher finds these kinds of outbursts "cute" you stop wondering why these kids act this way. Afterwards he begged me not to tell my co-teacher about it as it turns out my co-teacher has promised him a hamburger if he behaves in my class.
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Sesame



Joined: 16 Mar 2014

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

and just to reiterate, the guilty kid who should be apologizing acts angry at the innocent kid, this isn't just your normal temper tantrum, this is a weird faux anger in some twisted way Ive never seen in the States before that I can recall.

The guilty kids in America know they're guilty and would have to apologize, but here, the guilty one who should be apologizing breaks down, cries and gets angry just to put the innocent one in the guilty role. Its a shifting game. Shift the blame, shift the responsibility of apologizing to the innocent.

As I said, my wife tries the same thing. If she did something wrong I have to make sure not to swear at her and in no way make her angry when we're arguing about what she did wrong, if I mess up and she catches it, she will ignore what she did to me and act angry and sad because I swore at her (for example.) This is Korean culture people. Backwards people.
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Steelrails



Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
in America...Its a shifting game. Shift the blame, shift the responsibility of apologizing to the innocent.


Uhm, not to play a repetitive tune, but seriously? America? Where the world of politics, media, celebrities, and social life has made this routine? I mean between the Tea Party and the Lib Whine-O-Thon its nothing but. And those are adults.
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EZE



Joined: 05 May 2012

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My students very rarely do that anymore. For a while, I had to do the same routine to a few of them that my grandfather had to do to me when I was three or four years old. I think it's the silliness of the question that makes it so effective. Laughing

Are you a baby or are you a big boy?

a big boy

Well, you do look like a big boy, but you're acting like a baby. Are you sure you're a big boy?

Yes.

Okay, good. Now act like one.
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EZE



Joined: 05 May 2012

PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The thing I do when boys and girls hit each other is similar to what my 2nd grade teacher told me and a female classmate when we were arguing. My teacher said my classmate and I were "lovebirds" and that's why we always argued like a husband and wife. We stopped arguing. So I use a similar routine:

"You know what it means when you hit each other, right? (a pause of silence) It means fifteen years from now, in 2029, you two will ***hums "Here Comes the Bride" while the rest of the class bursts into laughter*** That's the way it always ends up!

It works the same in 2014 as it did in the early 1980s. A timeless strategy. Very Happy
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Steelrails



Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System

PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

EZE wrote:
The thing I do when boys and girls hit each other is similar to what my 2nd grade teacher told me and a female classmate when we were arguing. My teacher said my classmate and I were "lovebirds" and that's why we always argued like a husband and wife. We stopped arguing. So I use a similar routine:

"You know what it means when you hit each other, right? (a pause of silence) It means fifteen years from now, in 2029, you two will ***hums "Here Comes the Bride" while the rest of the class bursts into laughter*** That's the way it always ends up!

It works the same in 2014 as it did in the early 1980s. A timeless strategy. Very Happy


This man speaks wise.
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Stain



Joined: 08 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Steelrails wrote:
EZE wrote:
The thing I do when boys and girls hit each other is similar to what my 2nd grade teacher told me and a female classmate when we were arguing. My teacher said my classmate and I were "lovebirds" and that's why we always argued like a husband and wife. We stopped arguing. So I use a similar routine:

"You know what it means when you hit each other, right? (a pause of silence) It means fifteen years from now, in 2029, you two will ***hums "Here Comes the Bride" while the rest of the class bursts into laughter*** That's the way it always ends up!

It works the same in 2014 as it did in the early 1980s. A timeless strategy. Very Happy


This man speaks wise.


It does work wonders. Try it when two boys fight. It works even better.
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NYC_Gal 2.0



Joined: 10 Dec 2010

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you are attacked, and in defending yourself injure the attacker more than you yourself are injured, you have got to pay damages.

Nutty place.
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Who's Your Daddy?



Joined: 30 May 2010
Location: Victoria, Canada.

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 2:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sesame wrote:

As I said, my wife tries the same thing. If she did something wrong I have to make sure not to swear at her and in no way make her angry when we're arguing about what she did wrong, if I mess up and she catches it, she will ignore what she did to me and act angry and sad because I swore at her (for example.) This is Korean culture people. Backwards people.


My wife does the same. She's 32, but I told her she sometimes acts like she's 13. [Not even sure 13 is right, maybe 8 or 9 really.]

Sometimes she screws up, I say no big deal, then she's angry because I "don't care."
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Old Painless



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 7:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've never taught kids, nor do I have any of my own, but if I were forced to teach or babysit them I think the reward system is best.
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Mr. BlackCat



Joined: 30 Nov 2005
Location: Insert witty remark HERE

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let's be honest, Korean children are babied and never forced to mature into respectable young adults. The whining, complaining, temper tantrums, entitlement and fits of rage are never stamped out and only encouraged through positive reenforcement.

A few years ago I decided to buy a treat for my afterschool class. At the end of class I asked them to line up without telling them I had the treats. The 4-5th grade boys and girls came and lined up. The 6th grade boys didn't because they were 'too cool', I guess. So I take out the box of treats. When the 6th grade boys see it they run and push to the front of the line and DEMAND the treats immediately. I tell them a) get to the back of the line; and b) you'll have to ask nicer than that. They refused to move, so I refused to give them anything. They started yelling at me and whining and crying and being ridiculous, but I wouldn't budge. Finally they went back to their seats to sulk. I gave out the treats to everyone else who then left, but these boys just sat there giving me the evil eye and mumbling under their breath. I told them if they came and asked nicely (as the other students did) they could still have a treat. They refused, said some nasty words to me and stormed out. I didn't really care, par for the course with spoiled Korean children.

The next day my co-teacher tells me these three boys will be quitting my class because I 'disrespected' them. I just laughed and laughed. I told her that I didn't disrespect them, I just refused to be disrespected by them (which I guess is the same thing in Korea. See also: calling out people for rude behaviour in public here). When I told her the story she got all serious and told me I should have served them first because they were older, that their feeling are so hurt and I should apologize immediately. I laughed some more. Listen, I bought some treats out of my own pocket. It's my choice who gets them at all. I gave them every opportunity to have some, but they can't disrespect me or the other students and still get served first. I was called 'cruel'.

Anyway, for weeks those boys would walk into class and give me the evil eye and refused to do anything I asked. In the hallways and outside they would always mumble under their breath when I went by and said hello. Can you imagine? 12 year old boys holding a grudge for weeks expecting a teacher/adult to apologize to them for not giving them treats fast enough! Oh, Korea, land of inflated egos that start inflating before they can even say their first words.

I should also add that while these 12 year old boys were demanding to be served first they started crying and throwing fits. Like, full on balling. I told them, and later my CT, that any 12 year old boy in my day who was seen balling like that for any reason would have been mocked endlessly. That just made them cry more. And made me laugh more. Sorry, that sort of stuff is natural from a 5 year old. When 12 year olds are doing it, it's been conditioned in them after years of getting spoiled and treated like babies.
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