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death at home...what does one do?
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Tancred



Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Location: Upon a mountain in unknown Kadath

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:23 pm    Post subject: death at home...what does one do? Reply with quote

This post is thankfully hypothetical for me right now, but i'm curious as to what the majority of you would do/have done in a similar situation.

If a family member dies, do you break the contract and head home, go home with the intention of returning after the funeral and/or grieving period, or stick it out here and offer condolences through telephone or email missives?

Obviously there are many contingencies that would be involved here. For example, I know that I would race home, regardless of the stage of my contract, if anything should happen to my immediate family, but I'm not so sure about Grandparents.
I mean, as heartless as it sounds, I think there would be other monetary issues to be taken into account.

I know this topic is somewhat morose for a holiday weekend, but any comments would be appreciated.
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Hank Scorpio



Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Ann Arbor, MI

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 7:49 pm    Post subject: Re: death at home...what does one do? Reply with quote

Tancred wrote:

I know this topic is somewhat morose for a holiday weekend, but any comments would be appreciated.


For grandparents I guess it all depends on how close you were. All of my grandparents are dead, but I know that I'd probably come home for one of my grandmothers, and for the other one I'd probably send flowers, condolences, comisserate over the phone, etc. I was close to one grandmother, and the other not so much.

For parents, I'd inform your boss that you're going home for the funeral, comforting your family, dealing with funeral arrangements and dealing with any legal issues (estate sales and what have you) that you might or might not have to deal with. The funeral arrangements and legal stuff could take up the most time, depending on how involved you have to get. I'd inform them that you have every intention of coming back, but that you are going back, no ifs ands or buts.

If they have a problem with that, I'd tell them to take a flying leap and hightail it out of there.
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Blue Flower



Joined: 23 Feb 2003
Location: The realisation that I only have to endure two more weeks in this filthy, perverted, nasty place!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, touch wood, i won't have to deal with this sort of predicament at all this year - personally, there is no way i could remain in korea. I would be catching the next flight home, never to return. Funerals are such a small part - it is the entire greiving process that takes the time, and there is no way i would be able to do that here.
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FierceInvalid



Joined: 16 Mar 2003

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 8:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think many contracts have a stated period of time off you can get if something like this happens. Mine says two weeks I think, although if it actually happened I'd have to play it by ear to see how long I actually stayed away. Pretty much as long as I needed, regardless of what the contract says.
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The Lemon



Joined: 11 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
if it actually happened I'd have to play it by ear to see how long I actually stayed away. Pretty much as long as I needed, regardless of what the contract says.

This sounds right to me too. I believe people should try to honour their end of contracts, but some things are more important than 2 million won a month at a hogwon.

I have heard of hogwons donating money for the plane ticket in sympathy for the teacher. I would never expect that, but there are good employers out there.
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Butterfly



Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Location: Kuwait

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 9:20 pm    Post subject: Re: death at home...what does one do? Reply with quote

You should go home, you'll regret it if you dont. Insist upon it. Any boss that doesn't let you go home for a close family funeral, isn't worth working for.
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hellofaniceguy



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2003 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LEAVE.
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posco's trumpet



Joined: 20 Apr 2003
Location: Beneath the Underdog

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 12:21 am    Post subject: Personal experience Reply with quote



Last edited by posco's trumpet on Sat Dec 06, 2003 7:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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William Beckerson
Guest




PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last year my grandmother died while I was unemployed here in Korea. I barely had enough money to go home, but I received a message from her while I was making plans to return:

"I'll be gone before you can get back. Stay there and live a good life."

So I grieved for her here in Korea. I'm still sad that I didnt really get to meet her again before coming here, but I know she thought of me, so I felt loved.

On my visit to Canada before returning here, I got a chance to visit my ailing grandfather in the hospital. I knew that I wasnt going to see him again, so I made my peace with him before I left.

Last month, I got a string of bad news all on the same day. The worst was that my granfather died. I was sad, obviously, but not as sad as I would have been if I had never met him before the end. I felt relief because his years of suffering were over. My mother told me that even though his mind was pretty gone the last few weeks of his life, he kept wanting to send me some money because he was worried that I wanst getting enough to eat here.

And again I was told to stay here and find my life.

Let me just say this:
Make sure that you have an undertsanding with your loved ones. Make sure they all know just how important they are, and then RESPECT THIER WISHES.

If they want to see you one last time, buy a ticket and go home. If they tell you to stay here because they want you to succeed, then do so. They're telling you that because they love you.
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gmat



Joined: 29 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amen William. Great post. Great advice by everyone.
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weatherman



Joined: 14 Jan 2003
Location: Korea

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have to go home, which I did when my father past away. I didn't stay very long, which I regret and see now that I could of stayed longer to be with my mother who really needed me at that time. Go.....
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crazylemongirl



Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Location: almost there...

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 5:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great post bill!

I haven't really thought about who, I'd go home for. Although it did strike me at the airport that it might be the last time I see my maternal grandmother again.

CLG
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Canadian Teacher



Joined: 22 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2003 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In 1997 I was working in Japan for a big electronics company. I got the dreaded call that Dad was hospitalised and was not going to last long. We had been very close all my life and I was very dispondent about it. I asked my boss for two weeks off to be whith my family and the answer was a flat "NO!"

So I quit on the spot, gathered my then few possessions and paid a fortune for a one way ticket home.

I will always be glad I did it. When I made it back, Dad was on his death bed. I got one good conversation with him before he lapsed into a coma two days later and died two days after.

Some things are more important than anything. I would always feel terrible had I not got back in time to see Dad before he left us. Yes, I lost a great job and a TON of money but it was worth it.

As an aside, anybody who thinks Japanese bosses are models of human compassion has never worked there. All my boss was worried about was somebody covering my classes. My personal duress was of absolutely no concern to him. I still cure him on a daily basis
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schwa



Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: sokcho

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2003 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've heard that in cases of death in the immediate family, airlines will offer deep discounts & preferential booking. Anyone have any reliable info on this?
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weatherman



Joined: 14 Jan 2003
Location: Korea

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2003 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

schwa wrote:
I've heard that in cases of death in the immediate family, airlines will offer deep discounts & preferential booking. Anyone have any reliable info on this?



Did not happen for me. Paid a lot, I mean full price. The airline couldn't have cared less.
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