Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Corporal]

For those who are interested...just thought I should say some things...as I've been accused in some cases, questioned in others, as to what it is I like about Korea or what Korean viewpoints/practices I've accepted.

Yes, I married a Korean man. I guess I missed the part in the fine print where it said I also had to love his family members and all his countrymen.

I speak Korean 60-70% of the time--to my husband, to children on the streets, to everyone basically, unless I meet the odd foreigner. I'd say this is evidence of fairly good assimilation into the culture, regardless of how good my Korean actually is. I wouldn't say it's remarkable, but then, I've only been here a total of 21 months. When I get together with my extended Korean family, I don't tell them what asses they all are, I don't berate them for using my daughter's Korean name even when my husband told them we both prefer they use her English one, I do a lot of smiling and holding my tongue, as a "good Korean wife" should. Do I want a gold medal? No. But don't tell me I don't make an effort, either.

Are there likable things about this country? Yes, things that have been mentioned before: cheap transportation, beautiful mountains, free stuff, fast and cheap medical care (though its quality is sometimes, er, dubious). Yet the best thing about it is probably the few Korean people I've found here who treat me like a human being, not like a foreigner. They do exist, though they are few and far between.

I'm quite prepared to concede that I find far more negative than positive things about living here. But it's my choice to live here regardless, and it's not my responsibility to post a certain number of "positive" or "happy" posts to equal out the negative or venting ones.

well, hope that helped provide a window into my perspective.

[William Beckerson]

Corp:

It's none of our business, and if someone questions you, tell 'em where to go.

[makushi]

It sounds as if we are, to some degree at least, living kind of sort of parrallel lives (well except opposite ).

Anyway, if you ask me, you sound incredibly well adjusted. You obviously are making an effort to learn about Korean/Koreans and at the same time you've come up against some things that bother you, which is of course completely normal.

I am in the same situation as having to always hold my tongue in front of my wife's family but I am happy with them as they are good to my wife and kids (plus they always give me lots of booze!). And I've made a sincere effort not to complain about Korea to my wife especially if our boys are present. This can be a bit frustrating...but necessary for "domestic tranquility."

Finding this board has been great for me as now have a place to ask questions, state opinions, and if need be, get a little cranky without the threat of a major domestic or workplace disturbance.

Stick to your guns....and happy trails to you and your family!

[Homer]

Corporal really appreceated your post.
And I am sorry you are having such a negative relationship with your in-laws here in Korea. That must be quite uncomfortable. I wonder how it got so bad and what happened between you guys but then again its none of my business!
do no hesitate to kick me in the rear when I stick my nose where it doesn't belong as I often do...
Its probably because I got very lucky with my in-laws. They accepted me as one of their own right away. My folks also visited here and it wen't great. We went to Canada with them 2 years ago and that was cool too. They are very open people. This no doubt warps my vision of things. You have my apologies for going too far off the path sometimes. I did not intend to paint you as all wrong and Korea as all good.
I hope you are happy and that everything is well in your immediate family (husband and daughter) and thats what counts. If your in-laws truly do no respect you or if you just don't get along with them then that is too bad and you would not be the first person to have a bad relationship with in-laws in any country
The efforts you made are praiseworthy and you should be congratulated on them. I would truly enjoy shooting the sh... with you over a beer sometime. I am sure it would be an interesting conversation

[GRK]

I think that 'getting along with the inlaws' may be different (and more difficult) if you are a female. The stereotypical gender expectations do not simply disappear because a foreigner- and female. Those age-old gender roles still apply, even in families who are more liberated in their attitudes. It is often the females that are the main
problem.

[ThreeDogNight]

Corporal, if you ever want to get divorced don't do it here.

Just kidding. I just wanted to post to make you feel good. Whatever you're going through is not for us(or me,) to comment on, I feel, since you're quite an anomaly. You'd best look to other women for role models, like Robin Rhee or some other foreing women who've married Korean men. I've just recently heard of one who's been here for twenty years or so and married a Korean man.

She said she used to fight for equality with her husband, but eventually, gave up. She couldn't change him.

Well, got to go.