Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Daisy]

Compared to the old generation, now teenagers are living in the modern and technological society. Watching TV is going without saying to be the most way spending their spare time. Recently, a survey has been made showing that each week teenagers spend fourteen hours watching television programs, but only six hours communicating with their family members. Therefore, it becomes a hot topic nowadays that whether teenagers spend too much time on watching TV will influence the relationship between them and their family members or not. As to me, I confirm this will be not beneficial to the relationship.

First of all, spending too much time watching television programs certainly will result in the alienation between teenagers and their family members, which will influence, in a large degree, the relationship between teenagers and their family members, for the harmonic relationship depend on more communicating. And the fine atmosphere in family can help teenagers grow up with healthy mind, which need to be made by each member, of course including teenagers.

Moreover, teenagers are not so mature that they can consider the problem at the right position. So they need more time to communicate with their parents or other family members. This way, they will receive the best methods to deal with the problems encountering in their lives. Last but not at least, from the opposition, the parents prefer to talk with their children, they as well need get happiness from their son or daughter to relax their nervous or poor mood from work. By the way, they will well learn their hobbies and everyday mood, so that they can timely avoid the teenagers falling into the crime.

To sum up, I think that teenagers should spend more time communicating with their family members instead of watching TV. In that way, they will learn more things from their parents or other family members than from watching TV. The happiness and harmonization of family needs to be practised by everyone in family.

[advoca]

May I make some comments

1. You are confusing compared to and compared with. When you compare something to, you are likening it to something. A boy could say to his girlfriend, I compare you to a rose, you are so beautiful. But when you use �compare with� you want contrast two things. For example: �Compared with learning English, Chinese is easy.�

2. You are talking about teenagers living today and the old generation. They are different things. You should either say �compared with the old generation the modern generation is different,� or �compared with life in the old days, living in today�s world is more exciting,� or something like that.

3. It would be better to say, �It goes without saying that watching TV is the most way that teenagers spend their spare time.�

4. Recently, a survey has been made... No! Recently, a survey was made�

5. family members. No! Just family.

6. It is a hot topic nowadays (not becomes a hot topic).

7. �that whether.� No! Simply, �whether.�

8. too much time on watching TV� No! Simply too much time watching TV...

9. Oops! Family members again! Just family. No need for members (See 14 below for the correct way of referring to family members.)

10. As to me, I confirm this will be not beneficial to the relationship. This is a clumsy sentence. You cannot confirm this. And �as to me� is not English. A better phraseology would be, �In my view, this will not be beneficial to the family relationship.�

11. �First of all, spending too much time watching television programs certainly will result in the alienation between teenagers and their family members.� This is a very strong statement! Are you really certain? There might be alienation, and it even might be probable alienation, but it is hardly likely to be certain.

12. �First of all, spending too much time watching television programs certainly will result in the alienation between teenagers and their family members, which will influence, in a large degree, the relationship between teenagers and their family members, for the harmonic relationship depend on more communicating.�
Ooh! What a long sentence! Break it up. �First of all, spending too much time watching television will result in the alienation between teenagers and their family. This is because the harmonic relationship depends on good communications.�

13. �And the fine atmosphere in family can help teenagers grow up with healthy mind, which need to be made by each member, of course including teenagers.� This is also a clumsy sentence. Consider, �And a fine atmosphere in a family can help teenagers grow up with a healthy mind, which is required by all in the family.�

14. �Moreover, teenagers are not so mature that they can consider the problem at the right position. So they need more time to communicate with their parents or other family members. This way, they will receive the best methods to deal with the problems encountering in their lives.�
Again, rather clumsy. Try not to be so specific. You could say many teenagers are like this, or even most teenagers are like it, but not all teenagers are immature. Let me redraft the paragraph. �Moreover, most teenagers are not mature enough to be able to consider their problems from the right point of view. So they need more time to communicate with their parents or other family members. This way, they can receive the best advice on how to deal with the problems they encounter in their lives.�

15. Last but not at least, from the opposition, the parents prefer to talk with their children, they as well need get happiness from their son or daughter to relax their nervous or poor mood from work.�
Again very clumsy. And note that you are now starting on a new idea. Therefore you need a new paragraph. And there are several ideas her too, that seem to have got mixed up. Which one is the last? Consider this re-write: �Last, but not at least, parents prefer to talk with their children. They need get to get happiness from their son or daughter. They need to help them to relax and wipe out any nervousness or poor mood resulting from their work.

16. Finally, I must point out to you that the problem of communication between teenagers and their parents or other members of their family, is not simply dependent on the time available. Even if teenagers never watch TV it is still possible that they are not able to communicate. The real need is to learn how to communicate, not simply to provide time to communicate.

I hope this helps.

Advoca

PS.
I have made many corrections, but do not be dismayed. I think you wrote a very good essay. Congratulations on a fine effort. Well done.

[Diana]

[Daisy]

Hello, advaco and diana

Thank you for your helpful hints, I have read your suggestions word by word and learn a lot from them. I will make great efforts continuously.