Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[tomo326]

I am a japanese girl.

Today bullying at school　is one of the greatest problems in Japan.

A lot of bullyed students kill oneself!!!!!

I don't forgive bullying What do you think bullying?

[asterix]

It is a problem among children.
Bullies are cowards and do not like to be hurt themselves.
You should make sure you punch them really hard on the nose.
Then they will leave you alone.

[flying_pig319]

[Tone]

Back to the time when I was in school. I remember that I was bullied by one stupid guy. I was quite suffer a lot. I decided to tell my parents and he came to school to talk with that bad bully. Since then. he never touch me again.

Thanks daddy. I love you....
Learn English Online

[ClarissaMach]

Bullying is not very common in Brazil; I don't really know what could be done about it. But I agree with FP: my feeling is that the best way for dealing with bullying kids isn't ignoring them, but trying to understand the reasons for being the way they are.
_________________
Stormy Weather.

[asterix]

You are right Miss FP.
But sometimes it is the only way to stop it.

[Anuradha Chepur]

When I read Asterix's sentence: You should punch them in the nose. I felt he were quoting me!! That's exactly what I used to tell my son, when he was younger. The first time it happened to him, I spoke to the bully's parents, but they only took it casually. To be safer, I even signed up my son for karate. After that my son never complained again. He deals with problems himself. The bullies eventually become his friends and they are also reformed.

The parents are not going to correct them. Their peers have to do it.

I have always trained my son to be intolerant to bullies and the like.

[BourneNOIR]

Bullying are often related to gangs... not the street gang type, but a clique in school led by one or two bullies followed by people who take advantage of being around bullies.

FP is right that bullies do have personal problems to begin with. However, sometimes "help" that is given to them tend to isolate them and make them standout, which they hate in the first place... An example is a poor student receiving "discounted" lunch. Instead of accepting the discounted lunch, which will make the student look bad, he decides to just steal or "rob" lunch from weaker students. They tend to think accepting sympathy is a sign of weakness.

I don't think you can stop bullying, but you can defend yourself. Bullies seek weak prey. I was pushed into a closet in elementary school once, but when my blindly thrown fist connected with the bully's stomach, the bullying stopped. After that, the bully came to me all the time for homework help (actually, I was extremely upset when the teacher suspected me of doing his homework for him when his grades improved...).

Yeah, sometimes you need to standup for yourself. But nowadays it's really dangerous to do so. You'll become a target. The bully might attack you after school, and might bring his gang (probably street gang this time). He might bring weapons, even guns... and from the stuff shown in manga, anime, and movies (although fictitious), I think I understand Tomo's concerns.

(There's even a video game about bullying by none other than Rockstar Games - maker of the controversial Grand Theft Auto!)

[BourneNOIR]

Oh yeah, there are also those "rich" bullies who use their "mommy's or daddy's money and status" to push people around. There are those losers who stick around them just for the glory and whatever leftovers they can get... but I went to public schools so I don't encounter those much.

So the idea of finding the cause of the bullying does not really work... unless the family goes bankrupt, lol.

[flying_pig319]

[CP]

Very interesting comments. The research on bullying, as I understand it, does show that standing up to bullies is effective in making them stop (or at least go seek other victims), while cowering just brings on more punishment. So a poke in the nose at the first sign of bullying is often the best response.

Of course teachers and administrators frown on any fighting in school. They say just report it. That's a good way to get a beating after school for being a snitch -- and no help from school officials, because it didn't take place on school grounds. Thanks, school officials!

As other posts indicate, many bullies do their dirty work because they do not fit in, or they do not get respect in other ways. We had a bully in our neighborhood when I was in grade school. He stopped bullying us the day I approached him and asked him if he wanted to join us in our football game. I made him a friend to the rest of us, and suddenly he was not an outsider anymore. He was a valuable teammate.
_________________
You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb

[BourneNOIR]

Nice to see a peaceful solution to a bullying problem

Now that I think about it, the OP mentioned bullying in school but did not say what kind of school. Grade school? High school? Public? Private?

Although the problem may be similar in different schools, I think the motivation behind it would be slightly different. In grade school, bullies just want to fit in and be recognized by pushing people around and make people acknowledge them. It's relatively easier to solve than high school bullies when they know and enjoy the power and status that result from bullying. They don't fear adults as much and sometimes will have their own clique so they don't care about socializing with other people...

My $0.02...

[flying_pig319]

[ClarissaMach]

[CP]

Well, I was just 10 or 11, but a wise adult gave me a wise suggestion. My only claim to wisdom: I listened to the adult.
_________________
You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb