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The daughter needs to company mother in hospital all night?
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 1:35 am    Post subject: The daughter needs to company mother in hospital all night? Reply with quote

If mother stay in hospital, the daughter need to stay in hospital all night to company mother?
My mother stay in hospital because of heart attack, I have to stay there all night. When mednight coming all the people were asleep, I felt lonely and tired. In this month, my boyfriend gets use to I stay in hospital all night. He gives me support a lot include moral and economy. But all night and all morning, the time is too long. He feels I love my mother is more than him. This is not true. I love him. But I have responsibility to take care my mother. I love my mother, the love is very deferent. He is foreigner. I am a Chinese.


Last edited by lolita_zhong on Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:52 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Bob S.



Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 11:06 am    Post subject: Re: The daughter needs to company mother in hospital all nig Reply with quote

lolita_zhong wrote:
He feels I love my mother is more than him. This is not true. Ilovehim. But I have responsibilityto take care my mother.
Of course it is true, but don't worry about it. He is only your boyfriend, not your husband. It is only natural for you to feel more love and responsibility to your mother over a mere boyfriend. If you were married and had children, then naturally your responsibility would be to your husband and children.

If he cannot understand that, then you have the wrong boyfriend. Find a better boyfriend.

_____________________

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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yvi17



Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 9
Location: germany

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hello!
I can understand your boyfriend that he's kind of jearlous.
here in germany many boys also would be jearlous.
but i can understand you and i think you shouldn't care about what your boyfriend says.
of course your mother is more important, because she needs you.
your boyfriend needs you as well..but not as much as your mother.
and if your boyfriend would be at hospital you would be there for him as well..
you should tell him this.
maybe you could ask other relatives to company your mother as well.because you have to sleep some time!
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 6:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whaaat?
Quote:
He feels I love my mother is more than him. This is not true.


Whaaaaaaaat? This is not true? Of course it's true! A boyfriend can be replaced, but the mom? What the f*ck does he think he is?
If I was you I would have directly dumped him: "How can you say you like me, if you rather want me to flirt with you, than to care for my mom? I'm not your property. What the heck do you think you are, the king of world? Wish you better luck next time. Go collecting."

edit: I mean, I don't like girls who leave her mom because of a boy. That's a bit like betrayal. Who grew you up? Who gave food to you?

And generally: Your mom would always be there for you, because you are her daughter. But how do you know that your boyfriend will always be there for you, what if he discovers a sexy lady?

Believe me, if he really likes you, he won't leave you. If he leaves you, than he has only wanted your body.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love
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anuta



Joined: 24 Nov 2006
Posts: 116
Location: Russia,Cheboxary

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

your mother is more important than your boyfriend. Mama will love you forever, you can be sure. and your boyfriend ... is just a boyfriend.
_________________
I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AND (to the top) You don't know him anyway, and as he is foreigner, you will know him even less. And he doesn't need you, he just wants you.
On the other side stands your mom who needs your help and whom you have known all your life.

Erich Fromm wrote:
Friendship is to treat your friend right, to be able to think in his point of view, and to be happy if your friend is happy. ... Love can lead to the feeling to unite physically; in this case the physical union is without greed, without the wish to conquer or to be conquered, but it's full of tenderness. But if the desire for the physical union is not stimulated by love, if the erotic love is not a friendship at the same time, then it will never lead to an union which is more than a temporary association.

_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:01 am    Post subject: He is nice . Reply with quote

My boyfriend helps me to manage my mother operation. He has done things more than I do for my mother sick. We went to another city to make my mother healthy insure card. This card is important for my mother. This card make my mother can get good care in hospital. He can get this card in a day, and I spent 2 months to find out how to make this card. 13 day ago, when the doctor said my mother would die, he told me:” Never give up.” He saved my mother life. A month ago, when my mother felt heart attack, he let me to call ambulance and we take taxi to get to help my mother. He did he feel man have to do the right thing in his virtue way.
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's good, let him continue. Tell him you like him very much but say your mom is more important.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, I am outside the hospital now. Because my elder sister insisted on, she stays in hospital tonight. She felt I am not good at looking after my mom.. I am upset. So I let her stay there, I am back my home now.
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

seems everything is ok, so go for boyfriend
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My mom will be home tomorrow. This is a good new.
My nephew got a high fever. My sister has to stay at home to look after her son.
My elder sister feels Chinese culture is a daughter company her mother all night. I love my sister. But I don't love her order. So my mother don't allow me to say my sister anymore bad words.
Is this my fault? Which is important for my elder sister?
Her mother, her husband, her house, her children?
[/size] She said she has to sell her house to pay for my mother coast. If my mother died in hospital, she will live without house and her mother. She asked me how to choose. I am silent.


Last edited by lolita_zhong on Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:53 pm; edited 2 times in total
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asterix



Joined: 26 Jan 2003
Posts: 1654

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In the former Soviet Union health care was provided by the government free of charge. I thought it was the same in China.
In Canada we have free health care, so does UK. In USA(as I understand it) older people who cannot afford care have it paid for by the government.
Perhaps admiral can tell us how it works in Germany?
Free health care used to be a basic ideal of all socialists. What has happened in China?
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:35 pm    Post subject: health care Reply with quote

Ok, I love to talk about this topic. My mother has a health care insure card. It is 50% payment from railway health care insure company. For example, my mother had been in hospital for a month. Her total bill is RMB 102,360. Yesterday, I paid half of payment to let her check out hospital. This is mean; my family pay RMB 50,000 at least. The railway health care insure company let me wait for 2 days. They have to check anything about my mother’s bill. In this bill, there are some medicine is belong to self payment or insure payment. The local government said they will pay RMB 5,000 for my mother’s heavy bill. And the blood centre will pay back my mother RMB 9,786 blood cost which depends on blood law. (If a man gave blood to blood centre for free, his family and he will use blood for free in hospital.)
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lolita_zhong, nobody here in eslcafé can tell you what you should do because we don't know you.
But from my personal logical point of view, I think:

If she had been a nice mother, if she cared for you a lot (for example had grown you up, had washed your nappies, had sent you to primary school/educated you etc, then maybe your sister is right, (as 长辈 [elder members of family] are very very important in Chinese culture)

If she had been a bad mother, for example never cared about you a lot, always thought about herself, sees you as be her old age insurance only, if she's a bad person and never thought about helping others, (also Chinese culture) then I personally would have thought twice.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love
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lolita_zhong



Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Nanning,GuangXi,China

PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, today I have to pay the total bill of my mother cost in hospital. A lot of thing happy recent days, first my mother health care card have some problem, the health care office make a little mistake about that card, it make my card failed . I had to go to LiuZhu city by train. It is so tired to do it. After I got the card from LiuZhu, I fall in trouble to pay a lunge bill when the card could use. I begged the accountant who could split the bill for the blood office where pay to me the blood money. I complained again and again why I want the blood receipt before I pay the total bill. I begged again and again. I told with the leader of the accountant the same thing in office.
Finally I got the receipt what I asked. This is not easy, it spent my whole Friday. I run three offices to ask for help. I am refused again and again. When I got the receipt what I want. I am relaxed a little. But Monday is more important. Today is Monday, later I have to take the blood receipt to get the 9786 RMB from the blood office at 10 AM. And then I will take the money to pay to hospital. I will get that total receipt right? God!!
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