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Hello! Can someone please tell me his/her opinion?!

 
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Lynne 1007



Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 6:03 am    Post subject: Hello! Can someone please tell me his/her opinion?! Reply with quote

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Success is what we usually strive to reach throughout our lives. Success is diverse and complicated what makes it difficult if not impossible to reduce it to the point were it would be measured according to how much money one earns.

People regard success from different points of view. For example, a mother would see her success in the eyes of her children. For a student, success is acing his/her exams. A celebrity would feel successful when he/she reaches fame. For an artist being able to express his/her inner feelings through paints and sculptures would make him/her feel successful regardless of whether the piece of art was sold or not. When it comes to a businessman I think this will be were we could say that success is earning more money.

Success is more of a personal feeling than something that others could predict about us.
It depends on the goals and dreams we have set for ourselves. I believe it is a feeling that comes from within. Many rich people feel that they are not successful in their lives. The proof to this is in the numbers of rich and famous people who have committed suicide. They are seen in the eyes of others as very successful and happy people, but they do not feel this. They might carry a strong feeling of failure. It might be failure in their personal lives that no one knows about. On the contrary we might know people who are financially broke yet very they feel that life is worth living and that they are successful.

As a result, I think success is when we feel that our efforts were sufficiently acknowledged by others.

Moderators note: This student originally posted in the Teacher's TOEFL forum. I suggested she post here to have someone correct her essay, so I'm moving it to the Help Center. -- Lorikeet
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Lorikeet



Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 1582
Location: San Francisco

PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 7:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Hello! Can someone please tell me his/her opinion?! Reply with quote

This seemed like a pretty good essay to me. Since no one answered, I fixed a few minor corrections below:


Lynne 1007 wrote:
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Success is what we usually strive to reach throughout our lives. Success is diverse and complicated, which makes it difficult if not impossible to reduce it to the point where it would be measured according to how much money one earns.

People regard success from different points of view. For example, a mother would see her success in the eyes of her children. For a student, success is acing his/her exams. A celebrity would feel successful when he/she reaches fame. For an artist being able to express his/her inner feelings through paints and sculptures would make him/her feel successful regardless of whether the piece of art was sold or not. When it comes to a businessman I think this will be where we could say that success is earning more money.

Success is more of a personal feeling than something that others could predict about us.
It depends on the goals and dreams we have set for ourselves. I believe it is a feeling that comes from within. Many rich people feel that they are not successful in their lives. The proof to this is in the numbers of rich and famous people who have committed suicide. They are seen in the eyes of others as very successful and happy people, but they do not feel this. They might carry a strong feeling of failure. It might be failure in their personal lives that no one knows about. On the contrary we might know people who are financially broke yet they feel very strongly that life is worth living and that they are successful.

As a result, I think success is when we feel that our efforts are sufficiently acknowledged by others.

Moderators note: This student originally posted in the Teacher's TOEFL forum. I suggested she post here to have someone correct her essay, so I'm moving it to the Help Center. -- Lorikeet
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