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Would you mind checking this essay for me, please???

 
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soleil2210



Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:17 pm    Post subject: Would you mind checking this essay for me, please??? Reply with quote

Hi, everybody. I'm a student who is going to take an IELTS exam this July. As a result, I really appreciate your comments on my essay. Thank you so much!!! Razz

The topic is : [b]"Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both sides and give your opinion".[/b]



For quite a long time, the way in which a child should be educated has aroused a controversial issue. While many people claim that a sense of competition will be of vital role for the young's development, some believe that in order to become a useful citizen, a child must be taught to well cooperate with others even from their early age. However, as the common expression goes" Everything has both sides", it is true that competition and collaboration have their own advantages and disadvantages.

In the modern society today, it would be challenging to argue against the fact that life has become increasingly competitive, which requires everybody a flexible and adaptive ability. As a result, a child who has got used to pressures from an early age would probably has many advantages over others when they grow up. In other words, this child will not be so shocked to expose with a novel and hard environment. Furthermore, the sense of competition is also assumed to be the primary contributor in enhancing personal motivation as well as self- mastery in the social life. It is because working hard and competing with other people will provide everybody with a chance of justifying their postition along with their ability. Nobody can be lazy or dependent or else they will be immediately disqualified. Nevertheless, besides undeniable positive impacts, competition in such an early age has also adverse effects not only on psychological but also on mental development as it creates unnecessary stress and over- ambition, which will potentially lead to latent dangers threatening the personality of a young individual.


On the other hand, while the possibility of competitive pressures being involved in the evolution of children is supported by a number of people, one cannot deny that it is collaboration that is also a substantial factor. It is true that on cooperating with friends and teachers, a child can easily realize their limitations as well as learn more from others. In this way, their vision will no longer be restricted to personal experiences but it will be enriched with profound understanding. Finally, cooperation is also an excellent method of practising living in a community, which, undoubtedly, will become an essential skill for their futures.

In conclusion, although everybody has their own opinion about the most effective way to bring up children, there is no doubt that a harmonious mixture between cooperation and competition would bring various evident positive impacts on the general development. It is the sense of competition that is very important, but collaboration plays even a greater role, which is a guarantee for the chance of a better life in the future.
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