Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Seryna]

Hey everyone! I'm a new user, my name is Seryna. I got a serious problem and I hope you guys can help me with your experiences. Thanks a lot!!!

I am still single and I've dated 4 different guys who are from my country too all introduced by family and friends. We've started to e-mail each other, exchanged our photos and dated each other. Sadly, I've only see them once in person and we've never dated each other again.

My most recent date was with a guy who is 10 years older than me. My uncle and his dads are friends. Everything went well on e-mail, settling the date on the phone and during the date until... he asked me after having the bill at the restaurant: "Do you think we are compatible?" I answered: "It's too soon to give you a response (We've just talked to each other for 3 hours and it's better to not say "Yes" or "No" too quickly)." After, he said that we're not compatible and we have very little in common. Finally, I told him that I'll think about it and he said sadly "take care".

I forgot to mention that the photo that my uncle gave me (received from the guy's dad) was not dated and the young man told me that was a nine-year old photo. I have to admit maybe he saw my facial expression when I first saw him and after he unveiled this information. I have to confess that I was expecting the "guy" on the photo and he looked much more older and not that good-looking. On the other side, he is the nicest guy I've ever dated and he is less narcissistic.

Even I was turned down, I tried for a second date (doing an activity instead of going to a restaurant) who he refused and mentionned the same things at the restaurant.

What should I do? Keep trying or end this relationship?

In general for all my dates, was it my problem, the guy's problem or the timing was not right? Or anything else?

I am very desperate and I don't believe in finding my first love anymore...

WHY? FIRST DATES = LAST DATES?

[Seryna]

HEY HEY HEY!!! How come no one's answering my post?!

Come on, do some exercise with your hands!

Seryna

[CP]

Dear Seryna:

Most people do not find love or their perfect match when they are looking for him or her, or when they are desperate, as you call yourself. If you are desperate or you try too hard, you are not yourself, and people will not find you as attractive as you naturally are. They won't really be seeing you at all.

If these few guys you have dated did not click with you, that's all right. There are millions of possible matches for you--millions. Look at it this way: You are lucky that these few non-matches did not spend more time with you. Better not to waste time on the wrong person. What if you spent a year with someone only to have him end it because you are not compatible, and never were?

What you should do is get involved in activities that you like--dancing, photography, bird watching, wine tasting, anything you find interesting and fun and engaging--and go to events where other people are who enjoy the same things. You already have something in common with everyone there, and good reason to speak with and spend time with them.

Maybe you'll meet someone nice in a photography class or on a hike in the country, but whether you do or you don't, you are spending your life doing what you like to do. You will be happy--or at least happier than otherwise--and more yourself, and sometime after you forget about looking for someone, you will find someone.

Don't worry, be happy. People will love you for it.

Good luck.
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You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb

[Seryna]

CP, I don't know how to thank you enough. I've been waiting for a reply for a long long time.

Meanwhile, I met a new man at my workplace and things are easier than those introdcutions by so and so. I don't reject the possibility of becoming a love couple with him.

Thank you very much!
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Seryna

[CP]

Wow, I am happy for you!

I hope it works out with this new man, but if it doesn't, don't worry. There are many fish in the sea, and millions of possible matches for you.

Good luck!
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You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb