Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[Dordi]

Here is a short story that I'd hope you to read and give me your opinion about it. If there are any grammar errors I'd also like to hear about them.

Once upon a time in another planet lived a man with two sons. The other one, called Daniel, was brave and strong. The other boy, David, didn�t care of anything else but books and reading. Their father was very rich and very old. He didn�t know which one of the boys he should bequeath his house and which one should get the moneys. So, he prepared a test. The one, who would bring their father the best book, would get the house. Daniel bought the book on the same day and his father was very proud, because Daniel had finished his test so quickly. David bought his book next week, because he had written it himself, and his father was very proud of him, too. Daniel had done his job quickly, but David had worked for it. Their father decided to give the house to Daniel, to teach him to work. David would get the moneys to help him to work.

Thank you all who bothered to read the story.
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"Without the past there's no future..."

[lioness]

The problem is that I'm not a native speaker, yet I have some suggestions:
Once upon a time in another planet lived a man [color=brown]what about: who had two sons? with two sons. Maybe the oldest one or the first one? The other one, called Daniel, was brave and strong. The other boy, David, didn�t care of anything else but books and reading. Their father was very rich and very old. He I would write wasn't sure didn�t know which one of the boys he should bequeath his house and which one should get his money. So, he prepared a test. The one, who would bring their father the best book, would get the house. Daniel bought the book on the same day and his father was very proud, because Daniel had finished his test so quickly. David bought his book next week, because he had written it himself, and his father was very proud of him, too. Daniel had done his job quickly, but David had worked for it. Their father decided to give the house to Daniel, to teach him to work. David would get the money to help him to work.[/color]

Thank you all who bothered to read the story. [/quote]
It's a very nice story. But may I know why you wrote it? Is it your homework or something?
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Młodości, dodaj mi skrzydła... Youth, give me wings...

[Dordi]

Thank you for your message and your help!
It really was my homework, how did you guess?!
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"Without the past there's no future..."

[lioness]

Because I'm a student too
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Młodości, dodaj mi skrzydła... Youth, give me wings...