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What do you think about this short story?

 
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Dordi



Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 84
Location: Helsinki, Finland

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:01 am    Post subject: What do you think about this short story? Reply with quote

Here is a short story that I'd hope you to read and give me your opinion about it. If there are any grammar errors I'd also like to hear about them.

Once upon a time in another planet lived a man with two sons. The other one, called Daniel, was brave and strong. The other boy, David, didnít care of anything else but books and reading. Their father was very rich and very old. He didnít know which one of the boys he should bequeath his house and which one should get the moneys. So, he prepared a test. The one, who would bring their father the best book, would get the house. Daniel bought the book on the same day and his father was very proud, because Daniel had finished his test so quickly. David bought his book next week, because he had written it himself, and his father was very proud of him, too. Daniel had done his job quickly, but David had worked for it. Their father decided to give the house to Daniel, to teach him to work. David would get the moneys to help him to work.

Thank you all who bothered to read the story. Cool Wink
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lioness



Joined: 20 May 2004
Posts: 52
Location: Poland

PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2004 2:44 am    Post subject: Re: What do you think about this short story? Reply with quote

The problem is that I'm not a native speaker, yet I have some suggestions:
Once upon a time in another planet lived a man [color=brown]what about: who had two sons? with two sons. Maybe the oldest one or the first one? The other one, called Daniel, was brave and strong. The other boy, David, didnít care of anything else but books and reading. Their father was very rich and very old. He I would write wasn't sure didnít know which one of the boys he should bequeath his house and which one should get his money. So, he prepared a test. The one, who would bring their father the best book, would get the house. Daniel bought the book on the same day and his father was very proud, because Daniel had finished his test so quickly. David bought his book next week, because he had written it himself, and his father was very proud of him, too. Daniel had done his job quickly, but David had worked for it. Their father decided to give the house to Daniel, to teach him to work. David would get the money to help him to work.[/color]

Thank you all who bothered to read the story. Cool Wink[/quote]
It's a very nice story. But may I know why you wrote it? Is it your homework or something?
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Dordi



Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 84
Location: Helsinki, Finland

PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2004 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for your message and your help!
It really was my homework, how did you guess?! Laughing Cool
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lioness



Joined: 20 May 2004
Posts: 52
Location: Poland

PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Because I'm a student too Wink
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