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essay assessment

 
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klara



Joined: 10 Oct 2016
Posts: 1
Location: Dallas, TX

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 1:25 pm    Post subject: essay assessment Reply with quote

Hi, I'm an ESL student who is preparing for TOEFL and I'm not sure whether my essays are up to the standard. I'll type one of my works here and since here are many teachers, could you please take a look and let me know for what would you take points off, what should be changed or left out??thanks

“To what extent is sport a product of a particular culture?”
Sport is a microcosm of the culture in which it is played, a forum where national values and sensibilities are displayed to true effect.
Take, for example, the traditional English game of cricket, a variant of which is played out over a length of five days. Aficionados of this kind of cricket are steadfast in their belief that this variety of the sport – referred to as test match cricket – is the game distilled into its purest form. The slow build of the test from series to series allows the drama of fielding, batting and bowling to majestically unfold.
As with any other team sport, banter – or sledging, as it’s commonly called in the test cricket context – between opposing sides is common. While the matches themselves can be hotly competitive, the test match game is tempered by an overriding spirit of fair play. This, one could rightly argue, adds a thoroughly and distinctively English element to the test game, regardless of where in the world it is being played.
This traditional sense of sportsmanship goes beyond the basic rules of the game. This idea of fairness – of fair play – forms part of the spirit of cricket, a point that is reflected both in the game and at large within English culture.
Indeed, the phrase, ‘It’s not quite cricket’, is a commonly used English saying, a descriptive that originated during the game’s Victorian heyday. While it was originally used to describe unsporting behaviour within a test match, it is now commonly used in the context of describing any situation that is seen as being unequal or unfair.
In this sense, cricket is very much a product of the values of English culture, of the palpable feeling of gentlemanly fair play that exists up and down the nation, both on and off the field.
Sources:
Andrew C. Billings and Susan Tyler Eastman. (2006) 'Framing Identities: Gender, Ethnic, and National Parity in Network Announcing of the 2002 Winter Olympics.' Journal of Communication. Retrieved from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1460-2466.2003.tb02911.x/pdf
'Cultural Identity.' (n.a., n.d.) JetWriters. Retrieved from http://jetwriters.com/cultural-identity-essay/
Kenneth J. Macri. (2012) 'Not Just a Game: Sport and Society in the United States.' Inquiries Journal. Retrieved from http://www.inquiriesjournal.com/articles/676/not-just-a-game-sport-and-society-in-the-united-states
Yuurei Serai. (n.d.) 'What Is Culture Identity?' People of our everyday life. Retrieved from http://peopleof.oureverydaylife.com/culture-identity-10942.html
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YellowMoon



Joined: 08 Nov 2016
Posts: 11

PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

to me you replaced the word "sport" with the word "cricket". You've gone off topic.
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