HELP ME GUYS WITH MY WRITING >>>>

[The_Maxer]

Hi every one , could anyone help me in my writing , I want it to be effective!!!
actually what is written in the blue is my instructors comments>





What Is A Good Marriage?

A good marriage is not just a marriage that is based on establishing a family and bringing children only, but also a marriage that is based on a strong foundation of respect too (REPETITION/ GOOD TOPIC SENTENCE). When a certain marriage is based on a strong foundation of respect, it means that each partner of that marriage is rational enough; eventually, his/her marriage will be an effective seed in his/her society (UNCLEAR. WHAT’S THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE AND THIS IDEA OF BEING ‘RATIONAL ENOUGH’? MAKE SURE THAT YOU SUPPORT YOUR CLAIMS WITH CLEAR EXPLANATIONS AND EXAMPLES, WHICH ARE RELATED TO YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE. USE ‘HIS OR HER’ RATHER THAN ‘HIS/HER’). So, for each partner to respect the other, he/she must realize that he/she has some rights that must be done to the other without shorten in order to make his/her marriage stronger, durable, and remain peacefully forever. Also, having a good communication and giving the other the chance to speak when its necessary needed is considered as respect too (DEVELOP). Moreover, respecting each other’s opinion and criticing accepting them (FRAGMENT, NOT A SENTENCE). However, for some people it may be kind of difficult to respect their life partner which obviously means that they cannot respect their self either. And that’s a main reason for divorce when it comes about. In short, a marriage that is based on establishing a family and bringing children only may remain forever, but it wont be as good as if it was based on a strong foundation of respect too.
This contains a few good ideas and glimmers of ideas, but it is only the beginning. You need to do a lot more serious thinking about your topic. Make sure that your paragraph matches a well-organised definition paragraph outline .Make sure that you develop your examples properly. Make sure that each of your examples is CLEARLY RELATED TO THE DEFINITION IN YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE. MAKE SURE THAT EACH OF YOUR EXAMPLES EXPANDS THE DEFINITON IN YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE. Make sure you use proper transitions. Fix the eproblems with word choices, word forms, articles, verb forms, word forms, articles and sentence fragments. I’ve shown some of the places where these problems occur but not all.