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teacher,do you mind to read my essay and give a grade?

 
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wiwi



Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 14
Location: singapore

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 5:22 pm    Post subject: teacher,do you mind to read my essay and give a grade? Reply with quote

i am a secondary 4 student who will be having gce o'level english this year
here,at my posts i will write an essay every week
i will be really appreciated if anyone can help me correct/grade/comment on my essays/i welcome any comments to my style of writing/contents.
(hello,teachers,imagined you are an examiner and marking the student who write the essay given these tittles:

1.THE INVITATION

An elated and radiant face was shown when lydia held a letter in her hand as she opened the letter, her excited face turned gloomy in a moment.It was an invitation, not from her friends nor colleagues,but her ex-boyfriend, Tom, who she still had feeling for.They had broken up a few months ago as it was found out they have blood-relations. Lydia's father is Tom's uncle who had been missing during the japanese occupation in singapore for thirty years.

The prolonged separation between the two brothers was rejoiced by everybody in the two families except the couple,who has fell deeply in love with each other.They had to end their relationships as both of their families strongly objected to their relationship which is regarded as ''unrightful'' to their chinese customs. As it was believed inter-relative mariage would be landed misfortunes.

Never did Lydia expect that Tom could forget her so fast and fell in love with other woman.Now, she was filled with sadness and also hatred.A thought of ruining their wedding came into her mind, she planned to make a revenge to Tom in his wedding.

Lydia showed herself and dressed up georgeously in Tom's wedding. As she wanted to prove to tom that she was more strong than ever and his act of inviting her would not affect her anyway.

As the bridegroom and the bride walked along the aisle, Lydia was stunned to see Tom pushing his bride who was sat in wheelchair.A relative who sat beside her comment for the bride's love to the bridegroom.she was told that the bride become handicapped because of an accident when she tried to save Tom who was nearly knocked down by a car three months ago.

At that moment Lydia felt remorseful for her own thought of making a revenge.She felt her love was so selfish and uncomparable to the bride who had done so much for Tom.Thinking back, she had done nothing to persevere their relations against her parents objections.She had nothing to say,but a tear streaked across so smoothly accross her face.The invitation had waken her and taught her deeply of what love means, which is perseverance, sacrifice and courage.





a thousand thanks to anyone who had read the essays..
wait!!teacher..pls dun go!mark my essay pls, Very Happy
to all teacher,pls feel free to add me this student at xiau-wi@hotmail.com \Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
Laughing Cool Cool


Last edited by wiwi on Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:20 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Lorikeet



Joined: 18 May 2003
Posts: 1368
Location: San Francisco, California

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I commented on your or someone else's essay before. It is very hard for some of us to read these essay when you don't use capital letters to show the beginning of a sentence, and don't leave a space after the period. I'm not sure if other people have a problem with it, but I know that I do.
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wiwi



Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 14
Location: singapore

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks a lot teacher,i will be aware of it next time. Very Happy
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