Job Discussion Forums

ntropy · Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 671 Location: ghurba

Capergirl's recent thread initially made me think it was about mixed nationality people, specifically children, which I have a sore point about.

My son, the loveliest existence in the universe, has the pleasure of all his mom's positive characteristics and (unfortunately) some of his father's flaws.

He is a treasure and amazing and it drives me absolutely to rage when his mother's side insist on calling him a "half."

He's a DOUBLE, dammit! and twice as good as anyone else!!!

The Great Wall of Whiner · Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Posts: 4946 Location: Blabbing

When I hear of my daughter being talked about by my ex-wife's family (double Japanese / Anglo-Canadian) I often thought the same thing.

Although in this case, I certainly pray every night my daughter loses all traits of my ex.

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

ntropy,
Confront the in-laws and say "a half what"? It is very insulting and you're justified in being angry. What is your wife's opinion? If you don't fix it it will be a huge problem for your son and will make him feel very insecure. Where do you live?

Sherri · Posted: Sat May 29, 2004 2:09 am Post subject:

Yes, I agree, very irritating. I am American and my husband is Japanese. We live in Tokyo and have 2 children. What I really hate is when people here call my kids "foreigners" (gaijin). They were born and raised here and have Japanese passports. They are not foreigners but because I am not Japanese they can't get their heads around the idea that my kids could be Japanese. It is for this (and many other reasons) that we are leaving Japan--in 6 weeks! Hurray!

ntropy · Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 671 Location: ghurba

Gordon,

I live in Canada half the year and the Middle East half the year. My wife/son live in Canada except for summers when they live in Japan.

Confronting the in-laws? Waste of breath. It's been going on for years and they simply don't get that it upsets others. That;s the way it is in their small village. Incidentally, I have never been to their house, since I was told my presence would cause grandma to have a heart attack. My wife's absence was explained by her studying in Amerca. Now that grandma is no longer with us, son is welcome there. He looks VERY western. Children are confused. They ask why he looks "american" but speaks Japanese. He is fluent and attends public school while there. He has a Japanese passport as well as a Canadian one, Sherry, but again he's not WHOLE and PURE is he?

Sherri · Posted: Sat May 29, 2004 3:27 am Post subject:

ntropy
It sounds like you are doing a great job raising your son to be bicultural and bilingual. I hope that he doesn't have a hard time in Japan and that the local kids get used to him and get used to the fact that Japanese people don't necessarily have to look "Japanese". I'm sure he can teach them a lot.

Since he spends time in Canada and in Japan, with his parents' help he should develop a very well-rounded view of the two cultures. He is extremely lucky in my opinion. As for those people who insist on using the term "half", right now I just ignore them. My kids aren't old enough to understand what it means. I don't like the stares and the special attention. I am glad we are leaving before my kids start to realize that they are different. I wouldn't like to live here 100% of the time, I think you have found a good solution by bringing your son here for the summers.
All the best
Sherri

Lynn · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 696 Location: in between

All my life I have called myself, "heinz 57" "mixed breed" "half" and "quarter". I'm a quarter Mexican, quarter Yugoslavian, a quarter Tlingit and a quarter white European. My family thinks the white man that got my Tlingit grandmother pregnant was German, but he didn't have a German name, he had a Welsh name. So, we'll just say "white European" to make it easier.

I've never had a problem with the term "half". My parents are both "half". Mom half slavian/half Mexican. Dad half Tlingit/half white. It's a fact of life.

If I had a child with my Japanese husband, she'd be half Japanese. Everyone tells us we'll have such adorable children because they'll be mixed ethnicity. This does not offend me. Furthermore, Japanese people tell me we are doing a good thing by mixing the gene pool because too many homogenious people are breeding weak children.

I went to college in Hawaii. Haole=white. Hapa=half. In Alaska, where I'm from, it's very similiar. "native"=Alaska native, ie tlingit or whichever tribe.

My parents taught me to be proud of my "quarter" ethnicity.

ntropy · Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 671 Location: ghurba

It is not the word which offends me. It is the venom with which they spit it out and contempt with which they treat people in this category.

once again · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 815

Halves when put together make wholes. And not many can lay claim to truly being a whole person! But ntropy is right. It is the tone behind the words that is important.

struelle · Joined: 16 May 2003 Posts: 2372 Location: Shanghai

From what I've seen, 'mixed' racial people are the best looking, especially when they become teens and young adults. That's how it was in my high school, when some of the best looking girls were of this type!

Also, I think raising kids becomes far more interesting when you have inter-racial couples and the kids are bicultural or bilingual. It challenges the assumptions and stereotypes about nationality that we all have, and the identiy of the child is not so easily type-cast. On the other hand, this can present insecurity problems for the child if they grow up in nationalistic societies.

Steve

Teacher Lindsay · Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 393 Location: Luxian, Sichuan

In Thailand, luk krungs (half babies) wear their label with pride. They are given roles in movies and soap operas even if they can't act and they are promoted as pop singers, even if they can't sing.

It's a paradox really because Thais are extremely nationalistic (especially under the current leadership of Taksin), yet they adore mixed race Thais.

Believe it or not, I received at least 20 requests from normal, respectable Thai women (a few already married) to impregnate them, during the 5 years I worked in Thailand.

Cheers

gugelhupf · Joined: 24 Jan 2004 Posts: 575 Location: Jabotabek

I confess utter ignorance of Japanese culture, but I had understood that being tall was becoming increasingly sought after and fashionable throughout E Asia - even to the extent of extreme wannabes having risky operations to extend leg bones. Might this trend not benefit dual-race children (my term) and help ameliorate prejudices?

ilunga · Joined: 17 Oct 2003 Posts: 842 Location: China

Ntopy wrote

'He looks VERY western. Children are confused. They ask why he looks "american" but speaks Japanese. '

This kind of intrigues me. I assumed the genes of an East Asian person were stronger. Maybe that doesn't make sense but I don't really know how to phrase it.
I heard that a child born by a Western man and a Japanese woman will look much more Japanese than western. A friend of mine has a daughter by his Japanese wife and she looks very Japanese.
I suppose there are a number of factors involved.
Sorry about my naivety on the subject. It's just something that interests me and will quite possibly be a factor in my life a few years down the road.

Sherri · Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 12:05 pm Post subject:

"I assumed the genes of an East Asian person were stronger."

Yes, I thought so too. I remember in 8th grade biology learning all about dominant and recessive genes--I guess it was quite a long time ago and obviously there is more to it than what we learned at least.

Both my son and daughter (Japanese father) have light brown fine hair, they do have brown eyes, but both have my fair skin. I know of couples (western/Japanese) whose children have blonde hair, some have blue eyes. It is impossible to say which genes will win out. I don't believe in race any more.

As for the half comments, as long as you live in a multicultural society, it is probably not going to be a problem. But in Japan where everyone takes great care not to stand out or be different, it is usually not taken kindly, especially by kids trying to fit in.

leeroy · Joined: 30 Jan 2003 Posts: 777 Location: London UK

I infer from comments sometimes made by students here in London that a mentality of "physically being Japanese (Chinese, whatever)" is very strong. Your nationality is defined by what you look like. A child could be born to two Korean parents in the USA, and spend it's whole life there never knowing a thing of Korean culture and language - but would still be Korean. At the other end, children of western parents but born and grown up exclusively in Japan are still foreigners.

For the status conscious East Asian cultures, no two ethnicities can be equal. One has to be superior to the other, and I suspect that most would choose their own to take that trophy. Hence...

Your nationality is defined by your ethnicity.
Only one of your parents is Japanese, so
You are only half Japanese.
As Japanese genes are better...
You are not as good as 100% "pedigree" Japanese people.

How do we define nationality in the West? I suspect most of us judge it by where you grew up. Your physical appearance matters less. We are helped along by having greater ethnic diversity (generally) in Western countries - with so many different races here in London it's less easy to "look English" than to "look Japanese". If Korea and Japan (for ex.) become less ethnically homogenous in the future then perhaps some of their inherent racism will be allowed to dissipate.

Well, that's my theory anyway.